Interview with “T,” Part 1

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Last week when I sat down with T from TheRawness.com, I had a feeling he and I would have a lot to talk about. As I knew that he and I both have a tendency to delve deeply into psychological and philosophical topics.

Two hours later, I had to cut our conversation short otherwise no one would listen to it. Today is Part 1 and tomorrow I will post Part 2.

Part one topics include: screening who you let into your life, vulnerability, the self help industry, Ken Wilber, Buddhism, Machiavellianism, the Pick Up Artist industry, implicit versus explicit self esteem, Nathaniel Branden, self compassion, Roy Baumeister, problems with current academic psychological research, and more.

WARNING: There is no fluff here. We get really nerdy and theoretical at times.

Length: 57 minutes, 49 seconds

Listen to it above or you can download it directly below. Right click the link below and click “Save As” and then a location on your hard drive.

Download Part 1 Here

You can subscribe to the Postmasculine podcast on iTunes here.

People and Articles discussed in Part 1:

Proceed to Part 2 of my conversation with T here.

Previous podcasts:
Dan Andrews: Starting a Web Business
Clarisse Thorn: Polyamory and Pick Up Artists

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60 Comments

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  • Reply

    ZacChamp

    3 months ago

    You guys absolutely destroyed some arguments in this podcast. I enjoyed it very much.

    • Reply

      T_AKA_Ricky

      3 months ago

      @ZacChamp glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun doing it. It’s way harder than I expected though. I have new respect for people who do interviews, both as thé questionner and questionnée

      • Reply

        ZacChamp

        3 months ago

        @T_AKA_Ricky You guys sort of played both rolls at times and it was cool. I really hope you both end up doing this more because I could listen to a few more hours easily. I learned a lot.

        • Reply

          T_AKA_Ricky

          3 months ago

          @ZacChamp I would do this again anytime Mark wanted. I enjoyed it way more than expected. I really caught the podcasting bug.

  • Reply

    Sandro Milano

    3 months ago

    I really like this kinds of podcasts!
    I wished that you did not cut it short, something this good is worth it, as long as it takes to listen and relisten to it again and again

    • Reply

      postmasculine

      3 months ago

      @Sandro Milano The second hour will be up tomorrow.

      • Reply

        Sandro Milano

        3 months ago

        @postmasculine I am trying to download the mp3. It keeps on cutting short, around 90%, so I do not get the complete audio.
        I tried it 3 times already, and each time it cuts at a different place, so sometimes I get 47 minutes, another 52 minutes etc.
        Could you please just post it on a mirror link or host? For examples minus.com or ge.tt or whatever works for you? I would like to be able to get the full 1 hour

        • Reply

          postmasculine

          3 months ago

          @Sandro Milano That’s strange. I just downloaded it without a problem. It could be your connection or browser.

        • Reply

          Halo Effect

          3 months ago

          @postmasculine  @Sandro Milano I just also successfully downloaded it. Has anyone else had trouble downloading?

        • Reply

          ZacChamp

          3 months ago

          @Halo Effect  @postmasculine  @Sandro Milano I suggest a different browser, just for science?

  • Reply

    manwithstrat

    3 months ago

    YEAH!
     
    I think I might have manifested this wonderful contribution to society by posting a comment a few weeks back.  I’m very excited to listen.  Thank you, gentlemen.

    • Reply

      T_AKA_Ricky

      3 months ago

      @manwithstrat i don’t remember if it was you, but there definitely was a comment that made this happen i remember

  • Reply

    AntonioD

    3 months ago

    Wow! Thanks for calling out on Baumeister BS, this confusion has been something bothering me since I read his book and found other articles where self-esteem is deliberately or not misrepresented. In truth I really liked his book but that one chapter did a lot of damage to the book’s credibility.

    • Reply

      T_AKA_Ricky

      3 months ago

      @AntonioD yes, I hope I didn’t sound excessively harsh in my critique of him. I do like a lot of his work, but I do find sometimes he constructs straw men when he really wants to make a certain point, especially in regards to self-esteem. He seems to me to sometimes try to make the evidence support a conclusion rather than make the conclusion reflect the evidence.

  • Reply

    lostfavor

    3 months ago

    So how would you say you go about improving your internal ego (I forget if that’s the terms you used – internal vs external?) but I’m sure you’ll get the idea. I mean, I remember reading one of your articles, Mark, where you mention the difference between external and internal validation, and I think that’s the general idea of what you guys are talking about in terms of what often causes narcissism.
     
    I’m struggling, however, to make a connection as to what kinds of actions you can take to improve your “confidence” while doing it in such a way that you aren’t just validating in the special snowflake direction. It seems that even the advice in Diversify Your Identity, for example, could be taken in a narcissistic direction if you aren’t careful (e.g. “I’ve learned all these different things.. therefore I’m better than X Y Z people”).

    • Reply

      T_AKA_Ricky

      3 months ago

      @lostfavor In the next month or two I will be discussing implicit and explicit self-esteem in a series of posts. Hopefully it will answer some of your questions. To be honest, I’m still working out my thoughts on the subject myself.

      • Reply

        lostfavor

        3 months ago

        @T_AKA_Ricky Thank you, Ricky – I’ll keep an eye out for your future thoughts on the subject.

    • Reply

      Bryan_Ray

      3 months ago

      @lostfavor @lostfavor @T_AKA_Ricky 
      Sorry, wall of text, I love journaling too much. I don’t feel qualified to answer how to grow the deeper self-value, because my serious interests are more hard science than comprehensive, deep reaching psychological understandings. However, if I were to take a guess from my personal experience of slowly working through a toxic level of shame, that it’s basically a messy, multi-pronged growth in the diverse, important aspects of your life: intellectual, social, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of your life all driven by a vague internal wisdom. I think T mentions this on his blog somewhere. 
      .
      For example, I used to despise mathematics and was utterly terrified at the thought of doing it. However, reading some fantastic essays on the topic of mathematics convinced me I might have many false assumptions about mathematics. Over time and through a lot of fear and pain I learned how to do rigorous based, creative (believe it or not!) mathematics. I realized many assumptions/thoughts/emotions I had of mathematics and myself, that seemed screaming in my face real, didn’t hold any basis as I gained more contrary experience. And I was dammed fucking sure I couldn’t do it initially, but a very faint, deeper part of me said maybe. Instead, I learned, with enough skill mathematics becomes fun and interesting despite the common love for sucking at math most all people around the world share. I’m writing about this arbitrary fact because this was a major saga in my life that shattered my beliefs in what I’m capable of and how I work psychologically and that I would guess that the sum of many different types and flavors of personal growth sagas like this together formulate a healthy, strong, coherent, and realistic self-worth.
      .
      That the period of my life where I really grew intellectually, paired with the saga of overcoming my social anxiety and actually getting a fairly awesome social life through literally meeting thousands of strangers over the course of a long time, experimenting with expressing myself, the same overall pattern of growth and life maturity plays out. Keeping an exercise routine and eating healthy for many years to this day without quitting, keeping a meditation routine and sticking to it for years without fail, all these I had fear about and serious doubts about, but again, a faint part of me knew I had to do these things. Being willing to say some rather painful things to friends and family about tragedies like death of loved ones. Hell, even being willing to cry about real tragedy, like death, even as a man who should be stoic or something… Again, T and Mark talk a lot about this stuff, vulnerability, emotional growth, honesty, etc. But its pushing in ALL of these everyday life directions and continuing to do so everyday with an almost irrational grit, that I feel that I have made the actual substantial progress in that deeper worth. That if I skipped out growing intellectually, and slacked off exercising and eating healthy, even though I grew socially and had an awesome social life and meditated daily that my overall internal worth would suffer proportionally, like a chair with 3 legs: it works, but not well.
      .
      Nothing new or surprising really. Its just that addictions to unhealthy behaviors are too strong for people to make the choices they know, even if vaguely, are correct and good, so they can have the diverse aspects of their lives awesome instead of a fucking mess. They don’t make the choices they know are right for them, and over time, their internal worth suffers. Their dream deteriorates. How many people read a website like this and actually take action to implement the advice and stick to it for many, many years? I’m sure its not very much, unfortunately, even though everyone reading this more or less know the core, important correct choices they need to make, like, saying “Hi.” to a stranger.

    • Reply

      Bryan_Ray

      3 months ago

      @lostfavor @lostfavor @T_AKA_Ricky 
      I don’t feel qualified to answer how to grow the deeper self-value, because my serious interests are more hard science than comprehensive, deep reaching psychological understandings. However, if I were to take a guess from my personal experience of slowly working through a toxic level of shame, that it’s basically a messy, multi-pronged growth in the diverse, important aspects of your life: intellectual, social, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of your life all driven by a vague internal wisdom. I think T mentions this breakdown of personal aspects this on his blog somewhere. 
      For example, I used to despise mathematics and was utterly terrified at the thought of doing it. However, reading some fantastic essays on the topic of mathematics convinced me I might have many false assumptions about mathematics. Over time and through a lot of fear and pain I learned how to do rigorous based, creative (believe it or not!) mathematics. I realized many assumptions/thoughts/emotions I had of mathematics and myself, that seemed screaming in my face real, didn’t hold any basis as I gained more contrary experience. And I was dammed fucking sure I couldn’t do it initially, but a very faint, deeper part of me said maybe. Instead, I learned, with enough skill mathematics becomes fun and interesting despite the common love for sucking at math most all people around the world share. I’m writing about this arbitrary fact because this was a major saga in my life that shattered my beliefs in what I’m capable of and how I work psychologically and that I would guess that the sum of many different types and flavors of personal growth sagas like this together formulate a healthy, strong, coherent, and realistic self-worth.
      That the period of my life where I really grew intellectually, paired with the saga of overcoming my social anxiety and actually getting a fairly awesome social life through literally meeting thousands of strangers over the course of a long time, experimenting with expressing myself, the same overall pattern of growth and life maturity plays out. Keeping an exercise routine and eating healthy for many years to this day without quitting, keeping a meditation routine and sticking to it for years without fail, all these I had fear about and serious doubts about, but again, a faint part of me knew I had to do these things. Being willing to say some rather painful things to friends and family about tragedies like death of loved ones. Hell, even being willing to cry about real tragedy, like death, even as a man who should be stoic or something… Again, T and Mark talk a lot about this stuff, vulnerability, emotional growth, honesty, etc. But its pushing in ALL of these everyday life directions and continuing to do so everyday with an almost irrational grit, that I feel that I have made the actual substantial progress in that deeper worth. That if I skipped out growing intellectually, and slacked off exercising and eating healthy, even though I grew socially and had an awesome social life and meditated daily that my overall internal worth would suffer proportionally, like a chair with 3 legs: it works, but not well. I think this works as long as its done with intuition, internal wisdom, I hate to sound sappy or ambiguous, but I feel the difference is more felt and intuitive, and the last part there I feel keeps me from going into a narcissistic rage or something

      • Reply

        ayjay

        3 months ago

        @Bryan_Ray  @lostfavor  @lostfavor
         
        I guess, someone has to say it… TL;DR.

        • Reply

          Bryan_Ray

          3 months ago

          @ayjay @lostfavor
          Lol, I love journaling and as I was typing out my response I couldn’t stop writing for some reason. I don’t know what the hell took me over, its like a bad addiction. The worst part is that the post wouldn’t let me make spaces between paragraphs! Shit! Its like I just thought vomited all over this comment section

        • Reply

          T_AKA_Ricky

          2 months ago

          @Bryan_Ray I thought it was a pretty good comment but I think the bigger problem is the paragraph breaks than the length. Is that the fault of the comment form or the commenter? Anyway, still a good comment.

        • Reply

          lostfavor

          2 months ago

          @Bryan_Ray  @ayjay  @lostfavor Thanks for sharing your perspective, Bryan. Despite having learned to enjoy some things that I thought of as bland before, I’ve never really thought of it in quite that way before.
           
          Perhaps because those skills were things that I was already somewhat talented at and just needed the training – whereas becoming good at something that I think of myself as terrible at is a really difficult thing to do. It’s a blind spot in my reflection process.

  • Reply

    ayjay

    3 months ago

    It’ll be cool if the sound quality can be normalized in the future.  I noticed that the volume on Mark’s commentary is soft, while his guest’s volume is pretty loud.  It’ll be cool to have the volume normalized in post-production before uploading.  =)

    • Reply

      ZacChamp

      3 months ago

      @ayjay I will fix that next time.

      • Reply

        ZacChamp

        3 months ago

        @ayjay p.s. Thank you =P

        • Reply

          ayjay

          3 months ago

          @ZacChamp Are you the intern turned full-time?

        • Reply

          ZacChamp

          3 months ago

          @ayjay Nope, but Mark still lets me play with Adobe Audition from time to time. Your feedback is much appreciated, I’m kind of a self taught noobie.

  • Reply

    PeterPhoenix

    3 months ago

    Really enjoyed the podcast, looking forward to part 2!

  • Reply

    fractalsonfire

    3 months ago

    omg omg the fanboy in me is going wild.
     
    *cue nerd chills and orgasms*

  • Reply

    fjod

    3 months ago

    if Tolle’s stuff helps somebody to get laid, even if it’s misunderstood, why it’s bad? cant get it

    • Reply

      postmasculine

      3 months ago

      @fjod Because Tolle’s whole point is that you shouldn’t be attached to external objectives like getting laid, that it will just perpetuate your unhappiness. Tolle’s whole book is about “You shouldn’t feel a need to get laid all the time,” and meanwhile these guys are turning around and saying, “Hey! If you think this way, you get laid!”
       
      So yeah, you get laid. But you paradoxically do exactly what the book tells you that you shouldn’t do.

      • Reply

        fjod

        3 months ago

        @postmasculine still dont get it. I have to admit, I haven’t read his book, but it’s on the list. being attached to external objectives does harm, but I dont feel like this way about pua industry. it’s like, for instance, I have recently bought a midi keyboard and now I’m learning how to play. I might consider taking some lessons of playing (dont have time atm). It wont change my “happiness” or “inner fjod” or smth, I just learn how to play better because I like playing and want to become better. Same attitude to pua in general and Tolle’s stuff in particular. It will be (if it’s) just a tool, like an opener or neg – whatever.
        I remember that in your book you tell that your opener mostly is just something like “hi, I am Mark” (impying that all this tactics/openers division are shit) and then using routines like “now we are divorced, lets divide our stuff” (a classic one, Tim from rsd made a great example of it).
        Ian Ironwood tells better about it here http://theredpillroom.blogspot.ru/2012/04/your-alpha-presentation-its-about-sex.html
        why dont we have both?

        • Reply

          postmasculine

          3 months ago

          @fjod It’s less a criticism of PUA than the mistaken usage of spirituality for PUA purposes. 
           
          Tolle specifically says to let go of desires for external pleasures or the seeking of approval from others. PUA is specifically designed to achieve external pleasures and gain approval from others. 
           
          Don’t follow your keyboard analogy at all. Sexual relationships and playing an instrument have nothing to do with each other.

        • Reply

          fjod

          3 months ago

          @postmasculine “PUA is specifically designed to achieve external pleasures and gain approval from others.”
          if sex is external pleasure (and it is), I claim myself guilty. I want to have more sex than I have now.
          approval form others? hm, I read tons of pua books and dont remember anything about it. If it’s a tool, I wont use it – I dont care about approval.
           
          I need to read this Tolle stuff to continue discussion, clearly, I lack understanding.

        • Reply

          postmasculine

          3 months ago

          @fjod Last time I checked, a girl needed to approve of you before having sex with you.

        • Reply

          fjod

          3 months ago

          @postmasculine last time I checked, I was myself and liked her very much before having sex with her. dunno what she approved of me, but she certainly did )

        • Reply

          Halo Effect

          3 months ago

          @fjod  @postmasculine Getting other people to approve of you, like you or look up to you is a HUGE thing in PUA.

        • Reply

          ZacChamp

          3 months ago

          @Halo Effect  @fjod  @postmasculine Well, if it was all about sex, then by this argument you could just have sex with everyone. If you start ramping it up with, well I like sex, but I want it with x, y, and z girls not a, b, and c girls, you are looking for some sort of approval from certain types of women.

      • Reply

        derekscruggs

        3 months ago

        @postmasculine  @fjod I think you have to look at the total context. Wanting to get laid, or make more money, or look good naked — these are all good motivations for taking action. And the vast majority of people are motivated by something like this (or guilt in the case of Catholicism).
         
        T seems to imply that the mindset you have when reading a book determines its value. But what if the book changes your mindset? Mine has certainly been changed by books. If you a priori must have the right mindset, it’s like your’re doomed before you even start. Is that really your message to guys with low self esteem?
         
        To call someone out for having the wrong motivation before they ever even engage in the experience gets close to the Ken Wilber fetishism you decry.

        • Reply

          T_AKA_Ricky

          3 months ago

          @derekscruggs  @postmasculine  @fjod Derek, what I mean is that the mindset you bring to a book is as important as the information the book is bringing to you. I didn’t mean that to sound like snobbery, because both Mark and I mentioned times when we read a book we weren’t “ready” for and it was wasted on us because we weren’t ready yet. I’m not exempting myself from that description.
           
          For example, about a year and a half ago I tried to read Martin Buber’s I and Thou. It totally kicked my ass. I couldn’t even figure out what the individual sentences were saying, much less the entire argument. I had to put it away for about a year and a half. After having some pretty bad personal experiences, combined with reading both Tolle books and an audiobook by Richard Rohr, I tried Buber again and it totally made sense and was life-changing. One of the best books I read. But my mindset was totally not ready for it then. Even now I still go through this. I keep putting off reading Otto Rank because I can’t wrap my head around him every time I try. It’s been years now. But each time it gets a little clearer.
           
          What I’m discussing are not just intelligence issues. Some of these books I was perfectly smart enough to understand but I just hadn’t had the right life experiences that made them relevant to me or made me get them better.
           
          I’ll give some other examples: when I first saw movies like Roger Dodger and Fight Club, I thought the main characters were awesome, and viewed them superficially. I rewatched both movies at the end of last year and only now just realized they were meant to be tragic, a bad solution that addressed a real problem but made them worse. Another example, The Old Man and the Sea. I intellectually got the point when I was forced to read it as a kid, that one should persevere and never give up, but as a kid I had no struggles in my life yet, nothing to use as a point of reference, so it didn’t really resonate with me on a deeper level. I reread it recently and was moved to my core because I had life experiences to relate them to.

  • Reply

    J_M_1

    3 months ago

    Motion to create a regular roundtable podcast

  • Reply

    GrandHighExalt

    3 months ago

    So everyone who gets into pick up has low self esteem?  It’s low self esteem that stops guys from dating the women they want?

    • Reply

      postmasculine

      3 months ago

      @GrandHighExalt This is an over-generalization. But I would say that most people who have dating issues also have self esteem issues.

      • Reply

        T_AKA_Ricky

        3 months ago

        @postmasculine  @GrandHighExalt I agree and would also add, I think all types of normal guys are attracted to dating advice. Not all dating advice isbad. It’s the people who treat it like a compulsion, an addiction to control, and try to build their whole identity around it that I think have self-esteem issues. Many guys just read dating tips occasionally, move on with the rest of their lives. It’s when it borders on obsession I think that it gets problematic

        • Reply

          GrandHighExalt

          3 months ago

          @T_AKA_Ricky  @postmasculine 
          All types of normal guys?  What is normal?  Who gets to define that?
           
          Sounds like this whole thing would become an exercise in definition, which is what you guys mentioned in part 2 of the discussion.  People in self help or academic psychology don’t agree on what any of these terms mean.  I don’t know if I can understand your argument, if I don’t know what your premises are.
           
          Cheers.

        • Reply

          T_AKA_Ricky

          3 months ago

          @GrandHighExalt @T_AKA_Ricky @postmasculine When I say “normal” I just mean a guy with average unremarkable typical issues. Not a superhumanly cool guy with bulletproof self esteem but not a guy wracked by self-loathing or social anxiety issues either. Maybe “average” would have been better than “normal” to say. I think the average guy is likely to have dating issues and seek dating advice, but the people who become obsessive about it and are control freaks about predicting and coming out on top of every social interaction in dating are the ones more likely to have extremely low self esteem

        • Reply

          GrandHighExalt

          3 months ago

          @T_AKA_Ricky  @GrandHighExalt  @T_AKA_Ricky  @postmasculine 
           
          Not to keep this going, but in my mind, that’s a small # of people that are looking for dating advice.   I get the sense from the 2 of you, that those guys make up the MAJORITY of people looking for dating advice as opposed to some small group of outliers. If that’s the case, then they are deserving of these deep, well thought out, heavily researched and penetrating critiques of “who lies more”. 
           
          Otherwise it seems like you’ve got the cool kids making fun of the nerds for taking pick up seriously.  Like there is something deeply wrong about wanting to know everything about a particular subject.

        • Reply

          postmasculine

          3 months ago

          @GrandHighExalt  @T_AKA_Ricky As someone who has made a living in this industry for 5+ years now, I can tell you that the generic dating advice market is MASSIVE while the hardcore pick up market is a small outlier.
           
          I wrote about this on my blog years and years ago, about the “silent majority”. For every guy out there analyzing all of his text messages and coming up with evolutionary theories to explain why you shouldn’t buy a girl drinks, there are 50 guys who just want to know a cool date idea.

  • Reply

    EdmondDantes

    3 months ago

    Loved the interview. You guys nailed it in the last ten minutes in the self-esteem discussion. I’m just surprised about the whole “new” discovery of self-compassion. Branden clearly wrote about it in “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” and to me it’s just another term for what he wrote about in the sections about self-conciousness and self-acceptance. @T_AKA_Ricky I became a huge fan of your website after I read the article about the PUA movement and just wanted to let you know I really appreciate all of your articles. Am reading now “Denial of Death”. Thanks for the recommendation. It’s so difficult, but “enlightening” as well. Can’t remember having read a harder book. Do you plan writing a few articles about some concepts mentioned in it? What about the book you’re planning to write. What can we expect? @postmasculine Great idea to do an interview with @T_AKA_Ricky Much appreciated. I’m just curious how the mainstream reader reacts to it. If the majority of people will like it or just the guys interested in psychology.

    • Reply

      postmasculine

      3 months ago

      @EdmondDantes  @T_AKA_Ricky I talk to T about his upcoming book in Part 2.

      • Reply

        T_AKA_Ricky

        3 months ago

        @postmasculine  @EdmondDantes I’ll also discuss it on my blog. I’ve thought it out more since the podcast. But right now, it will probably be expanded version of a series of posts, the one about dating advice, but expanded to include female dating advice like The Rules. Then an original, all-new book about the overall framework I used for evaluating human nature.

  • Reply

    Sandro Milano

    2 months ago

    I like how T_AKA_Ricky mentions that narcissistic and drama queens get you through what you tolerate. So, by tolerating their behaviors, bit by bit, you end up like the frog in the boiling water.
     
    However, I do not really know what is a normal human flaw, and therefore tolerate behavior, and what would be something that should not be tolerated because it leads to negative relationships.
     
    I know this comes with A LOT of experiences, but could you write a post about what should we tolerate, and what should we completely not tolerate?
     
    I know you had a post on manipulative women, but sometimes a woman might not be manipulative but needy, or cleverly manipulative, and as an honest man we get confused whether the behavior is normal or not because we are not used to manipulation or to analyze social situations at that level of depth.

  • Reply

    Sandro Milano

    2 months ago

    Mark, in this Audio, T talks about the influences of the pickup community, and he talks about Eckart Tolle, and he also mentions some psychologist that he says that he knows you are getting into his stuff recently. It wasn’t Adler, but someone else he mentioned in passing, and I could not find the spot again.
     
    Could you please put that in the list of resources discussed? I would like to know so that I read some of his / her stuff

  • Reply

    Ben

    2 months ago

    Hey guys, I really enjoyed this and it was very thought provoking. Here’s what I came up with:

    I haven’t read the pillars of self-esteem but I have thought about self-esteem a fair bit. I have been meditating for a decade now, mainly Buddhist but more recently using the Sedona Method.

    The concept of self esteem is at odds with most meditation practice. In meditation you aim to lose the sense of self by becoming presence or consciousness, as opposed to self-consciousness.

    You guys were talking about ways to raise your internal self esteem but to me it makes more sense to talk about strategies for revealing your presence, Power Of Now style (I have read that one). That would be by clearing out desires or feelings of lacking somehow (the stuff that keeps you stuck in your head and feeling small). The options would be either meditation/releasing your desires or by going out and getting the thing you desire and evaluating if it actually makes life better. Would you rather want something, or just have it?

    People who have abundance in an area like pick-up have high internal self-esteem because they no longer feel a lack, they are able to be more present and their authenticity and humanity kick in. Maybe it’s an excuse I’m using to hold on to a desire – but it still feels like learning to be awesome with women is helping with my spiritual journey. Especially because becoming authentically awesome with women requires you to become awesome in pretty much all areas of life.

    Those are some of the thoughts you are helping me to clarify. I’d love to hear more discussion like this.

    T, I wouldn’t beat yourself up about finding that Denial of Death (now on my reading list) already covered the stuff you were coming up with on your own. The reason why I spend time reading blogs like these two is that I gain knowledge faster with help from funky influences who are on similar journey to me rather than just wading through piles of heavy books and getting bogged down. It’s your perspective that readers benefit from, not just the subject matter.

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      2 months ago

      I still believe that spiritual growth and psychological growth are two different things and that people often confuse the two or believe that one helps the other. I spent a number of years doing Buddhist meditation, and I’ve spent a number of years doing the pick up thing and studying psychology, and I don’t see what they have to do with each other, aside from, as you mentioned, making it a bit easier to be authentic and outcome-independent.

      Building self esteem and engaging in a lack of self-consciousness ARE two different experiences and have their own unique benefits.

      • Reply

        Ben

        2 months ago

        Left a reply yesterday but i may have been filtered due to having two links. Does one work? http://www.inner-growth.info/power_of_now_tolle/eckhart_tolle_transcription_self-esteem.htm

        I was more saying that you can trancend the need for self-esteem to the same degree that you can let go of attachments and ego stuff.

        I also think that greater success with women due to expressing authentic masculinity is helping me on my spiritual journey because it helps me to better understand who I am. Previously I was quite repressed and approval seeking.

  • Reply

    Chase

    2 months ago

    Is there a way to get a transcript of the podcasts? I personally suck at just listening to audio of something without being able to read it or see the person saying it. From what I could catch before the ADD set in I really enjoyed it though.

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      2 months ago

      At the moment, no. Transcription is expensive and time-consuming.

  • Reply

    Krista

    2 months ago

    I haven’t read all of the comments posted here, so I might be kicking in open doors, but I would like to leave you the title of a book that handles implicit self-esteem issues and how to raise your sense of worth from within and by yourself. It is called Passionate Marriage by Dr. Schnarch.

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