Stop Trying to Change Yourself

You can’t change yourself, so don’t even try. I know that’s not what the infomercials and self-help seminars tell you. But fuck it. They’re wrong. You can’t change. Like a thirsty man in a desert chasing a mirage, or a fat man peering into an empty fridge—there’s nothing there. So stop chasing it. Go do something else instead.

Why can’t you change yourself? Because the whole idea of change is an arbitrary construct. It’s something you just made up to make yourself feel good (or bad).

Yesterday, I hadn’t written this article. Today, I have. Did I change?

Both yes and no are correct answers, depending on how I define change. Technically, you are both always changing and never changing. It just depends on how you look at it. What you decide is change or not is an imaginary line drawn in your head.

I could decide that “changing myself” means having a billion dollars. I’ll then sit around beating myself up for not being able to “change” for the rest of my life. Therefore, that’s not a very useful definition of “change.”

Or I could decide that “changing myself” means not putting ketchup on my french fries. If …