You can’t change yourself, so don’t even try. I know that’s not what the infomercials and self-help seminars tell you. But fuck it. They’re wrong. You can’t change. Like a thirsty man in a desert chasing a mirage, or a fat man peering into an empty fridge—there’s nothing there. So stop chasing it. Go do something else instead.
Why can’t you change yourself? Because the whole idea of change is an arbitrary construct. It’s something you just made up to make yourself feel good (or bad).
Yesterday, I hadn’t written this article. Today, I have. Did I change?
Both yes and no are correct answers, depending on how I define change. Technically, you are both always changing and never changing. It just depends on how you look at it. What you decide is change or not is an imaginary line drawn in your head.
I could decide that “changing myself” means having a billion dollars. I’ll then sit around beating myself up for not being able to “change” for the rest of my life. Therefore, that’s not a very useful definition of “change.”
Or I could decide that “changing myself” means not putting ketchup on my french fries. If …
Hey, sorry to interrupt…
I know you were reading that and getting all into it, but I’ve got to stop you here for a second. Because you seem to have somehow stumbled onto a subscriber-only article, and I hate to say it, but this shit ain't free.
(Already a member? Log in here.)
See, I write a bunch of big, long, sexy articles for everybody, those are probably some of the articles that you know and love. They are big and beautiful and long and full of funny cat GIFs. But sometimes when I want to diverge into a niche topic or dive deep on a specific problem my readers are having, I write something exclusively for my subscribers. Like this one.
You can read this extra content yourself too. You just have to subscribe. It's easy and takes 60 seconds.
Support the site and get access to the following:
- All the no-bullshit insights and new perspectives I have to offer. You get instant access to all articles on the site, including the 40+ exclusive subscriber-only articles.
- 6 core courses to improve your life:
- Healthy Relationships - Find out why your relationships all fail or succeed in the way they do—and what you can do about it.
- Emotional Mastery - Get a better handle on your emotions and learn how to channel them more productively in your life.
- Resilience - Take on life’s most important challenges and live with tenacity and purpose.
- Finding Purpose - Find a purpose that gives your life meaning and take action on the things most important to you.
- Bonus: Social Connection - Learn how to connect more deeply with the people in your life, one conversation at a time.
- Challenging Beliefs - Dig deep into your beliefs and figure out if they’re helping or hurting you in life.
- Bonus: Overcoming Anxiety - Get down to the root of your anxieties and learn to overcome them, one painful step at a time.
- Build a Better Life - Create an actionable plan to finally live the life you’ve always wanted.
- Bonus: Healthy Dating - Get a solid grasp on the principles that make for a successful dating life and fulfilling relationships.
- 5 Awesome Ebooks, which go in-depth on topics like Self-Knowledge, Relationships, Habits and Happiness are instantly emailed to you after signing up.
- Audio commentaries to my books, in which I talk in depth about my bestselling books like The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Everything is F*cked.
- Exclusive events and meet-ups like exclusive post-show meet-ups for members during my book tours.
Subscribing costs less than a cup of coffee in some places. And it’s what allows me to feed myself in between writing amazing shit for you. So please, feed me.