Diversify Your Identity

Diversify Your Identity

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I don’t watch much TV, but if there were a channel that played Tony Robbins seminars non-stop, I’d watch it like teenage girl glued to an America’s Next Top Model marathon. Say what you want about Robbins (opinions range from him being a complete hack and fraud to him being the second coming of Jesus Christ; my opinion is somewhere in the middle), but his seminars are never dull. The guy knows how to market helping people.

For the uninitiated, Robbins’ seminars have some informal portions where people in the (massive) audience are able to stand up and address their personal issues with Tony one-on-one, in a kind of private counseling session… in front of 2,000 other people. Tony manhandles their emotional worlds, reshaping their realities in front of your eyes, all to thunderous applause. Whether it’s genuine or not, it’s never boring, and it’s usually educational.

(A good friend of mine who is a psychologist and therapist refers to Robbins as the Batman of Psychology — sometimes he has to break the rules and do some unethical things, but it’s always for the greater good.)

In one seminar, a middle-aged man in the audience stood up and confessed that he was suicidal. He then shared his story: he was a finance guy, a very good finance guy. He made a fortune and not only that, but his friends and family members gave him their savings to manage and he made them fortunes as well. His entire life he had been successful and made a lot of people a lot of money.

And then one day he lost it all.

When prodded by Robbins, his reasoning for wanting to kill himself was that his life insurance policy would pay enough to support his wife and children after he was gone, whereas if he stayed alive, his family would be saddled by debt and left broke. When Robbins threw out the obvious point that while his kids would grow up with financial stability, they wouldn’t have a father, the man calmly asserted, “Yes, exactly. That’s the idea.”

What immediately strikes you is this man’s dumbfounding belief that his kids need financial stability more than a living father. And it’d be easy to discount him as a loony for that and be on our merry way.

But if we take a moment and empathize with him and dig a bit deeper into his motivation, we discover something important about his self-perception: This man perceives the value of his own life to be nothing more than financial.

He has no sense of value in himself as a father, husband, friend, companion, not to mention any other skills or hobbies. It’s not just that he thinks his kids would be better off with money than with him, it’s that he believes his only value as a person is his ability to make money.

Superhero Robbins quickly pounced on the nub of the issue: this man had never emotionally invested himself or identified with his roles as a father, a husband, a friend, a colleague — he had invested all of his identity (and time and effort) in making money and becoming rich. Then once his wealth vanished, so did his entire sense of self.

A while back, I saw a short video of Tim Ferriss and in passing he mentioned a concept called “identity diversification.” He more or less said the following:

When you have money, it’s always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don’t lose everything. It’s also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about into a variety of different areas — business, social life, relationships, philanthropy, athletics — so that when one goes south, you’re not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.

I loved this idea. It’s one of those ideas that’s so obvious yet elusive. When you hear it, it makes you feel like you just woke up. Identity diversification.

What Is Identity?

Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all choose what’s important to us; we choose what we value. We choose the measuring sticks with which we measure success and our self-worth. Common measuring sticks people often choose include: being professionally successful, being highly educated, making a lot of money, being an excellent father/husband, being pious and faithful in a chosen religion, being socially and/or sexually popular and desired, being physically attractive or beautiful, and on and on.

Whatever we choose to judge our self-worth by, be it how big of a fan we are for our favorite sports team or making more money than any of our friends or getting more attention from girls than the guys in our fraternity, we are choosing in which way we want to receive validation to feel good about ourselves. Like a mural, whatever you choose to value and receive validation from conglomerates into your overall identity.

Most of us naturally gravitate toward certain aspects of our identity merely through growing up and having attention or praise lavished on us for particular reasons. Maybe you were the smart kid, or the good-looking quarterback, or the popular musician, or whatever. The validation we receive growing up largely determines how we choose to value ourselves in our adult life.

Some of us also experienced emotional traumas early on and therefore many of us get fixated on certain aspects of our identity more than others. Social pressures can also force us into over-identifying with a certain aspect of our identity and therefore drowning out other areas of our lives.

For instance, the movie Blow is a true story about drug smuggler George Jung. Jung grew up in a poor family with a father who had trouble paying the bills. As a result, Jung grew up identifying disproportionately with earning money and being rich and doing it in whatever way he could. Once he began smuggling drugs, the social pressures of those around him, the drug cartels and the lifestyle he lived continued to reinforce his choice to receive validation from money and wealth. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, it’s fairly obvious that eventually his life unraveled along with all of the relationships which mattered to him.

In my own life, I over-identified with my sex life and the validation I received from women. This lead to me becoming depressed and living on a couch with no job. Later on, when I was building my business and often working 14-16 hour days simply to make a rent payment, a simple refund request or 2-3 days with no new sales could send me spiraling into a depression. Both of these examples from my life were times when I was investing myself completely into one area — women and business — and forsaking other important areas of my life and my identity.

In the case of the man in Robbins’ seminar, he lived an entire life that reinforced his identity as a man who could make money. He worked 100 hour weeks for decades. He made millions. Everyone who knew him, knew him as the man who could make money and did. Many of them knew him and liked him because he could make money.

This constant reinforcement and lack of diversity in his life eventually warped his perception in himself away from being a father, a husband, a friend, a role model, and instead a walking bank account. That’s all that came to matter to him and his identity. He had nothing else going for him because he never invested in any other aspects of his relationships. And when the money went, so did his self-worth along with it.

What Do You Care About?

One could take this advice as merely being a well-balanced individual. The problem is, people can be well-balanced but still not have a diverse identity. They can participate in a lot of different activities, but still derive the majority of their validation and self-worth from one source.

For instance, a well-balanced individual may have a successful law career, a wife, some golf buddies, and enjoy reading in his spare time. But in reality his career dominates his identity. He works so much that he has little to relate to his wife about other than work. His golf buddies are also lawyers. His reading relates to his career. He has no diversity.

This is the reason pick up and dating coaches notoriously have turbulent personal lives and often quit the industry within a few years of starting (as I did): they have no identity diversity. As soon as dating becomes their career, there’s no more division between their dating lives, business lives and social lives. It’s all one big mess. And if something goes wrong in their social life, it puts their business and love life at risk. A break up isn’t just a break up, it’s a PR problem. Meeting a guy at a bar isn’t just a social encounter, it’s a marketing opportunity. As a result, they experience a great deal of emotional instability. One of the only things that kept me sane during my stint as a coach was clearly separating my industry friends from my non-industry friends and making extra time to hang out with the latter. It was the only way I could get away from it all.

I’ve met finance guys who run into the same problem. Work dominates all of their time. Their friends are their co-workers. The books they read and movies they watch relate to their job. Their social excursions are work and networking functions. The women they meet are courted through expensive restaurants and VIP tables. There’s no diversification of where they’re receiving their validation. And therefore their emotional stability and self-esteem is at risk.

If you invest all of your identity in one basket, then you put your self-esteem and emotional well-being at risk.

American Football player Junior Seau recently committed suicide a few years after retiring. A lot of discussion has taken place about athletes and how they can regain their lost identity once they retire. One can’t imagine what they must feel, having gone their entire lives since childhood being recognized for being great at a single activity, and then once they hit their 40′s it’s all taken away.

Seau is not the only casualty. There’s this heartbreaking article about Hall of Fame football player William “Refrigerator” Perry and his descent into depression and alcoholism after retirement. Or this excellent article on soccer legends Pele and Maradona and their inability to let go of their pasts. Or how about this one on Michael Jordan and his continued bitterness and insecurity after retirement?

Three years ago, the thought of my business going under terrified me. I stayed up entire nights worrying about if a new web page would make me money or not. When they didn’t I would lose sleep again trying to figure out why.

Ironically, now that I’m successful in business, my identity isn’t as invested in it, and if it failed tomorrow I don’t think I’d be as devastated now as I would have been three years ago. Why? Because I’ve diversified my identity. I’ve been around the world, speak multiple languages, have a wide array of friends of varying lifestyles, am a good musician, a successful writer now — if my business crashed, it would surely suck and be stressful, but I imagine emotionally I would hold up much better.

What do you care about? I mean, what do you really care about? Invest yourself in a wide range of areas. If you like music, start attending concerts or learn an instrument. Don’t just travel as a vacation, but invest in learning about the cultures. Learn a new language. Make time for old friends. Pick up new hobbies. Get competitive in something. Expand yourself beyond your work and your relationships. Go out for no other reason than to be with your friends. Learn how to dance. Take some time off work. Attend a meditation retreat.

And don’t just do something else, but care about it, invest yourself in it.

Lest you become like our finance guru at a Tony Robbins seminar. Because chances are, the Batman of Psychology is not going to be around to save you.

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49 Comments

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  • Reply

    Jack

    3 months ago

    Great post dude! Your the batman of pickup!

  • Reply

    eDMOND dANTÈS

    3 months ago

    Mark, thank you for writing about this concept, never heard of it before. This was a stunning article, really enjoyed it.

    …and I’ve got the feeling that one can even dig deeper into that topic, that there’s more to discover.

  • Reply

    Brian

    3 months ago

    This article was very insightful and helpful. Thank you.

  • Reply

    Thomas

    3 months ago

    Many failures in my own life can be traced to this lack of multiple salient identities. The following excerpt, which emphasizes the social nature of identity, may prove useful in attempts to diversify:

    “Role relationships, which can vary in their stability over time, define ones identity set as well as the “hierarchy of salience” (Stryker, 1968; in Thoits 1982) within that set (where salience is defined as “the probability that a given identity will be invoked in a variety of situations.”) What determines the salience of a particular identity is one’s commitment to that identity (Thoits, 1982).

    Given that the number and importance of social relationships premised upon a particular role identity may influence the salience of that identity, commitment is defined as “the degree to which individual’s relationships to particular others are dependent on being a given kind of person” (Stryker and Stratham, 1985). Maintaining an ongoing role relationship that delivers meaning and purpose to the individual leads to a commitment to maintaining the specific identity associated with that role. An important corollary of identity theory is that this “maintenance of meaning” is fundamental to psychological well-being.”
    -Kurt Reymers, “Identity and the Internet”

    I.E. Find and join sustained communities in which you can exercise your preferred identities

  • Reply

    Dawson

    3 months ago

    Great article. Reminds of what my old history teacher told me about Lyndon B Johnson retiring and how difficult he found it. Apparently he spiraled into a pretty deep depression and ran his ranch as he did the oval office

  • Reply

    Peter

    3 months ago

    Diversify your friends. Belonging solely to an insular group is not ideal. Have lots of friends from different walks of life. Your identity will be less rigidly defined.

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      3 months ago

      Great advice.

      • Reply

        T. AKA Ricky Raw

        3 months ago

        Yes, it is great advice. It reminds me of something I read yesterday on a random tumblr blog: “Never mistake a scene for a community.”

    • Reply

      paul

      3 months ago

      I have only begun to learn this one recently, and pretty hard. I always imagined how awesome it would be to surround myself with like-minded colleagues in my chosen profession. After the last year or so of intense socializing and networking in my field, I’ve become exhausted by both the letdown of what I perceived the field to be, and also the feeling of identity depletion that has come with devoting almost some portion of every waking hour to my developing career. I notice that when I not only ‘diversify’ my activities, but also prescribe meaning to them, that I feel a lot better.

  • Reply

    Mastercoach

    3 months ago

    My Uncle lost his job and thought his family would be better off without him. He felt like he was a burden, probably because his wife did not understand. He was a good man and a good father. My mother spent hours with him the night before he blew his brains out!

    Many women rely on their man for a feeling of security. In this age of disposable relationships, many women will file for divorce if they do not feel secure. Don’t kid yourself! Over 70% of filings are by women. In this Obama economy, the financial considerations are responsible for many divorces. Our government has failed us!

    • Reply

      Raphael

      1 month ago

      I fully agree with your comment about this day and age having disposable relationships. I know I personally have this identity crisis that in order to attract a decent woman I need to have made a small fortune. This ultimately has lead to me thinking that marriage is a joke now. Our culture in America does not see it as permanent any more. I don’t believe marriage has to be religious thing just two people making a commitment to spend their life with each other. My last two girlfriends though of me as useless even though I was in graduate school. All that mattered was money in the here and now for them among other problems. I almost feel like I need to make a lot of money to “buy” a girl now. A couple friends of mine have no job and are supported by their wife/girlfriend. It blows my mind to think this is even possible. All the women I meet expect me to produce financial wealth to qualify. I know Mark has other blog post explaining my problem but it is hard to shake once you get the belief in your head.

      Sorry to hear about your loss. Perhaps one day the world will see relationships for what they are meant to be.

  • Reply

    Hank

    3 months ago

    This reminds me of a great novel called The Dice Man, wherein the protagonist experiments with different personas and belief systems. Of course, he takes it to a Clockwork Orange-esque extreme and actually commits crimes, hurts people, etc. Regardless, I found it an interesting how it pointed out how comfortable we get in our own ego without ever challenging our own beliefs and experiences.

  • Reply

    tien

    3 months ago

    Absolutely spectacular as always Mark. I always feel like your writing is directed and written specifically to me, and all the thoughts I’ve struggled with in the past and is laid out in writing.

    Honestly this sounds like something I’d write in 5 years once I’ve gained more wisdom, but I feel like I’m ahead of the curve now, thanks.

  • Reply

    pUSHIT

    3 months ago

    Very good article!

    One issue I have that pertains to this is the chain reaction of bad misfortunes that occur when one of these areas go bad. For instance, I’ll have times where I have a solid woman in my life (good with women), bring creative innovations to my work environment (a good worker), and lift weights with great intensity(good at the gym). Super! But then say I have a bad day at work where a project I’m working on goes completely wrong because of a small error. This gets me frustrated when I’m with my woman and we get into a fight, and all this drains me of the energy to lift in the gym. All of this seemlingly seperate identities are now running into eachother and causing a total life chaos in non-related areas.

    How can one go about seperating these events so one does not effect the other? You argue in this example that I am too work focused, but I feel that can happen with any one of those examples being the initial cause of the reaction. Perhaps this example doesn’t provide a enough diverse identities?

    • Reply

      baller08

      3 months ago

      Your issue then is your inability to manage your emotions properly. Part of being a strong man is learning to compartmentalize your emotions appropriately. If you’ve had a bad day at work, either talk to your girlfriend about it, vent and then go about having a good evening or put it aside till the next day and enjoy the moment with your girlfriend.

      By allowing one part of your life to negatively affect another part of your life, is not a balanced mindset.

  • Reply

    Koanic

    3 months ago

    I do not seek to diversify my identity, but instead to invest 100% of it within the internal boundaries of the self.

    I accomplish this via Koanic Soul.

    A diversified external portfolio can still be wiped out. But the only way to wipe out my internal portfolio, is to reduce me to a state where no self-directed thought is possible.

    You can get close to that when you’re very sick or extremely sleep deprived, but otherwise it’s always with you, unless you’re simply unconscious.

    • Reply

      T. AKA Ricky Raw

      3 months ago

      Diversifying your identity doesn’t mean it has to be externally-based. You can diversify your identity but still be internally motivated.

  • Reply

    Jones

    3 months ago

    I’ve done this before. Throughout my life, I guess. Difficult when everything is encouraging you to specialize very deeply in a single thing, and well-roundedness is punished.

    In grad school it’s easy to spend all of your time working. Even to spend what little social energy you have on other grad students. But I’ve always kept a foot in other doors. I’ve always used working out as one of them. No matter what, working out is reliable for me – put in the effort, and you will see results. There are times when that feels like the only area of my life where that’s true.

    Music and religion are other areas. These are things that will never fail you. Finally, family, though experiences vary for people on this front. In any case my family has been there for me when no one else was.

    You all should read Boethius’s Consolation of Philosophy (and other works of Stoicism). It’s been 10 years since I first did, and I am still returning to it. In fact, Boethius provides a concise statement of the same point as Mark’s post on the Ipanema boardwalk:

    “A troublous matter are the conditions of human bliss; either they are never realized in full, or never stay permanently. One has abundant riches, but is shamed by his ignoble birth. Another is conspicuous for his nobility, but through the embarrassments of poverty would prefer to be obscure. A third, richly endowed with both, laments the loneliness of an unwedded life. Another, though happily married, is doomed to childlessness, and nurses his wealth for a stranger to inherit. Yet another, blest with children, mournfully bewails the misdeeds of son or daughter. Wherefore, it is not easy for anyone to be at perfect peace with the circumstances of his lot.”

    “Why, then, ye children of mortality, seek ye from without that happiness whose seat is only within us? Error and ignorance bewilder you. I will show thee, in brief, the hinge on which perfect happiness turns. Is there anything more precious to thee than thyself? Nothing, thou wilt say. If, then, thou art master of thyself, thou wilt possess that which thou wilt never be willing to lose, and which Fortune cannot take from thee.”

    • Reply

      thomas

      3 months ago

      The idea that, because I have negative emotions sometimes I should strive to be rid of all emotion, never made sense to me. Also, we are a fundamentally social species, and so happiness does not exist in a vacuum. When you are on your deathbed it is not your moments alone that you will remember.

      • Reply

        Jack

        3 months ago

        Thomas:

        Stoicism, properly understood, is about feeling less NEGATIVE emotion, not less emotion overall.

        And how do you know what I’m going to remember on my deathbed?

      • Reply

        Jones

        3 months ago

        I agree that Stoicism is not a complete philosophy. Indeed, I’ve boomeranged from a stoicism that became too extreme, because I was no longer invested enough in mundane things. I think stoicism is not about doing away with feelings, but with having the right kinds of feelings – ones that are properly contextualized by remembering your own mortality. Still, it’s true that this will lead to taking the mundane world less seriously. It’s not a “high-achievement” philosophy; it’s a philosophy that questions the point of certain kinds of achievements.

        But a stoicism within bounds will certainly bring new kinds of achievement within one’s reach. It can induce greater courage and a higher tolerance for risk and failure, because you are less attached to your own life.

        • Reply

          Thomas

          3 months ago

          Yes, but the reason for detachment from your life, according to the stoics, is because you have no control over it. Stoicism involves a passive acceptance of fate, and a focus on virtue – the only thing seen as being under one’s full control.

          I find it hard to interpret risk as a stoic good – as it involves an excess of appetite and a concern over that which one does not have control of. Courage was lauded – but a different type than what you seem to be referencing – courage was defined then as knowledge of that which must be endured.

          And that encapsulates my critique of the philosophy – it seems motivated mostly by fear of disappointment. As such, pickup and entrepreneurship would most certainly not be commended by the stoics.

          “Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. ”
          -Epictetus

          • Jack

            3 months ago

            Your slightly misinterpreting Epictetus, who is generally regarded as giving birth to a unique philosophy of his own,which is more positive and uplifting than traditional stoicism.

            Its possible to take a lot of the acceptance from stoicism/ epicureanism without explicitly aiming for a simple or normal life.

          • FPT

            3 months ago

            Yes on what Jack said, e.g. note that Epictetus’ stoicism was a major influence in Marcus Aurelius, arguably the most powerful man of his time. The best reference is his book Meditations, i liked it a lot

  • Reply

    Jean

    3 months ago

    Okay, i don’t agree with the advise in this article.

    Simply because real confidence is not about surrouding yourself with things to boost your ego, so if you lose something you can always turn yourself to other field of life, like how much of an awesome musician or bodybuilder you are if you lose your job or lose your really hot girlfriend….

    real confidence is about KNOWING and FEELING like even if you lose everything you can always build it back.

    Even tho that it’s important to diversify your identity, because even for Positive Psychology 60% of happiness comes from external things that you value. i think that having the power of getting it back is the most import belief.

    I think you should have made it clear in the article when you talk about diverifying the identity: The important thing is not diversifying your identity but knowing that you can get it back. It

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      3 months ago

      I would argue that you cannot develop real confidence without diversifying your identity. If you dont prove to yourself that you can be successful at multiple things, then you won’t develop the confidence to believe you can get something back.

      For instance, if I spent all of my life making money and nothing else, and then I lost money, then I would have no reference experiences to have the belief that I can do it again.

      But if I’ve been successful in multiple avenues, and one goes south, then I will have built that belief in myself that you’re talking about.

      Also being successful in multiple arenas does not necessarily mean you are seeking validation in all of those arenas. The principles of being self-validated remain.

      • Reply

        Celeste

        1 month ago

        I think what Jean is talking about is having/building resilience within yourself to bounce back if things start going south as Mark says. Having diverse identities in itself can be important but alone is not enough to deal with setbacks. In the event of a major blow with either of the identities you talk about, it can perfectly affect your other parts of life as well – like a chain reaction. Diversifying too much can also mean loosing focus and stretching yourself so thin that you are loosing sight of things and not directing your energy wisely. So building resilience to withstand the storms, recover, adapt, rebuild, rediscover, start over again – is critical.

  • Reply

    Patron of corona

    3 months ago

    A great article :)

  • Reply

    sHAWN (vIRILITAS)

    3 months ago

    The idea of “identity diversification” is great. Thanks for sharing, Mark.

  • Reply

    House

    3 months ago

    Mark this article definitely spoke to me in more ways than one.. As a first year medical student I have heard the endless horror stories of people becoming shells of their former selves while in medical school. I have even read a study, and many personal anecdotes, that establish that medical school itself is the problem with some doctors’ lack of empathy for their patients.

    The reality is that medical school will take up all your time and will rarely allow you to diversify your identity..leading you to base your identity on how well you are doing in your classes. I guess my challenge is finding ways to escape med school’s pull with little to no time for anything else other than studying.

  • Reply

    Jammer

    3 months ago

    Insurance is a load of crap. Being told you’re worth more dead than alive is one of the biggest fallacies that’s ever come out of mankind.

    • Reply

      flashawesomo

      2 months ago

      I’d agree with you on that, not all insurance is bad but life insurance to me anyway hurts more than it helps,because people are essentially putting prices on priceless things like human beings.

  • Reply

    Selbstwert

    3 months ago

    I am a huge Tony Robbins fan myself. Great way of explaining his concept of identity, we should really be more flexible here. Greetings from Germany.

  • Reply

    flashawesomo

    2 months ago

    For anyone who wants more examples of not diversifying your identity, read the book “Heavier than heaven”. It’s an biography of the life of Rockstar Kurt cobain. It’s a good read to, you’ll be blown away about that guys life and the stuff you didn’t know.

  • Reply

    AnotherAndrew

    2 months ago

    Mark, any plans to revisit this topic in your new book? As one of your older readers, the problem I’ve found is finding a balance between my obligations (kids, elderly parents and so forth) & time to develop my own interests (especially travelling). I think for some of us our life circumstance mean we are often in a position where we put other peoples needs before our own.

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      2 months ago

      Identity is going to have a HUGE chunk of the new book. You could argue that the entire book is about identity and how we define ourselves as men.

  • Reply

    Tyler

    1 month ago

    I invest my identity in all of the skills I want to develop. A career as a music therapist, learning languages, traveling, fitness, being frugal and saving money, meeting women, etc. even simply improving my mind. So that means if I learn something new every day, that means I have identity. And this all is grounded in values for my own self worth and internal validation. Seems like a good formula so far :-)

  • Reply

    Chris

    1 month ago

    So how do I deal with the sense that only one facet of my life matters in the grand scheme of things? In my case, that facet is my career of computing research. I can’t really identify myself as a gamer when I’m often too busy to play games, and when I can’t explain the importance of whether I’m a Plat I or a Bronze V; but with my research O don’t have that problem because I’m a Singularitarian.

    • Reply

      Mark Manson

      1 month ago

      That’s kind of the point of this article, you may want to make time for other pursuits then.

  • Reply

    Keenan Burke-Pitts

    15 weeks ago

    Great Article as always. In regards to many of the ex NFL players whose lives have unraveled, it is now documented that many of them had considerable brain damage from numerous concussions, and this has had a strong correlation to their lives spiraling into depression and suicide. If anyone hasn’t seen the Frontline documentary its a real eye opener: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/league-of-denial/

  • Reply

    Henning

    12 weeks ago

    I am a huge Tony Robbins fan myself. I have seen his live events many times. Next time will be in March in London for UPW.
    Tony is truly amazing. He analyzes the people’s 6 emotional needs and is then able to provide help within seconds.
    I can highly recommend Tony’s events.

    If you visit me in Malta, let’s hang out and watch 3 hours DVDs, haha…kidding.

    Very good article. Some people get their self-esteem from one single achievement. How about giving yourself self-esteem and a positive identity just for being alive, unconditionally?

  • Reply

    Henning

    12 weeks ago

    oops…i mean 3 hours of Tony Robbins DVDs of course :)

  • Reply

    Sovattha Sok

    11 weeks ago

    Well, I have to admit that after a few readings on your blog, I felt like more and more close to your way of thinking, of living. Now that I read that you were a past PUA, I feel even more close as I used to be one (kinda) too. I will continue to read you, I think I have a lot of things to learn from you! Definitely.

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