Say the Thing

0 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

A tiny piece of advice that changed my life: Stop assuming people know how you feel, tell them instead.

Tell them when you’re proud. Tell them when you missed them. Tell them when you’re angry or stressed.

When in doubt, just tell them.

If being honest about your feelings causes somebody to leave, then they were never really with you to begin with.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What are you not saying because you’re afraid they’ll leave? Wouldn’t you rather find out?

One thing for you to try this week

Say the thing. Reply and let me know what happens.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I argued that growth is learning which problems aren’t worth fixing, and asked you to leave one alone for a week.

Ryan realized his problem was already fixing itself:

I’ve actually been trying to fix a ‘problem’ for the better part of the last 4 months, so this is timely. The problem I’ve been trying to fix is money, specifically the feeling that I need to accrue it fast in order to ‘get back’ to a place of financial security I had a few years ago before my life changed drastically and I essentially lost everything.

In the last few months, I’ve launched an Etsy shop, a Shopify store, tried Fiverr and Wyzant tutoring, looked into voiceover work, and tried selling vintage goods online. Most of those are dead or stalled now. None of them replaced a paycheck. What they actually did was let me feel like I was doing something about money instead of sitting with how slow the real fix is.

The real fix is boring. A debt plan that’s already drawing a real balance down every month. A paycheck that already pays my bills and provides food. None of that needs another side hustle stacked on top of it. It just needs me to stop interrupting it.

So the problem I’m leaving alone this week is starting anything new. No new listings, no new platforms, no ‘what if I tried X’ research at 11pm. Just the job, the plan that’s already running, and the guitar instead of the laptop after 8pm.

Anthony stopped trying to solve uncertainty:

This one really resonated with me.

I’ve been going through a difficult period in my marriage, and one of the biggest things I’ve realized is how much time and energy I spend trying to fix uncertainty.

I keep looking for answers, analyzing situations, and trying to figure out what someone else is thinking or feeling. Part of me believes that if I can just get enough information, I’ll finally feel confident enough to make the decisions I need to make.

But I’m starting to realize that I may already know enough. What I’m struggling with is accepting the uncertainty and discomfort that come with taking action.

As far as pain I’m tolerating well, I’ve become pretty good at functioning through difficult emotions. I can have a rough day, reset myself, show up for my son, do my job, and find moments of happiness.

I’m proud of that growth, but I’m also questioning whether I’ve become so good at tolerating certain situations that I’m delaying meaningful changes in my life.

So my experiment this week is to stop trying to solve the uncertainty surrounding my marriage. No investigating, no looking for clues, and no spending hours analyzing what things might mean.

Instead, I’m going to focus on what I can control: my actions, my boundaries, my relationship with my son, and continuing to build a life I’m proud of.

I want to see what happens when I stop trying to find certainty and start trusting myself to handle whatever comes next.

Andrew decided to walk away:

I have been in Scouting for 46 years, since I was 10. For the past 12 years I have been conducting what are called Eagle Scout Boards of Review which is the last step for a Scout to earn the rank of Eagle Scout.

During this time I have been trying to have an adult removed from the program for not conducting Boards of Review according to the requirements. Every time he was told that he was retired he would find a work around and keep conducting these Boards of Review and everyone just went along with it.

So this year I had enough, some close friends convinced me to stay a little longer, but I decided I could not fix the problem any more and turned in my resignation. I feel a great weight taken off my shoulders and now have a little extra time to do things I want to do and not meet someone else’s schedule and requirements.

I cannot fix it so I am moving on. I have enjoyed my time with Scouting and it has had a profound effect on my life, but now I need to think about me and my hopes and dreams for the future.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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