Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

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67

What is the best way to deal with your demons ?

personal struggles, fears, things which hold us back and don't allow us to be our best self.

58

Can you talk about unconditional love and self love? How do we work through the fears and obstacles that test our love and faith in each other and ourselves?

I have read that in order to attract a healthy relationship filled with unconditional love, we must ultimately first learn to love ourselves. The journey of self love can be at times very difficult. The highs… (Show more)

I have read that in order to attract a healthy relationship filled with unconditional love, we must ultimately first learn to love ourselves. The journey of self love can be at times very difficult. The highs are very high and the lows are painful,almost unbearable. The temptation is there to build a wall around our heart, build conditions & protect our ego. How do we get through this pain and what can we do during this journey to help aid us in the process of learning (and attracting) unconditional love without completely falling to pieces or worse yet, caving into the temptation to let go and run from the process all together?

52

Do you think it's important to be able to specialize on a specific task in order to be happy?

I'm a very open and curious person and I'm interested in a ton of different stuff. My problem is that I can't seem to focus on one particular task for a very long time before I… (Show more)

I'm a very open and curious person and I'm interested in a ton of different stuff. My problem is that I can't seem to focus on one particular task for a very long time before I find something else that seems more interesting at the moment. I feel that this kind of behavior leads to me not ever becoming very good at anything and thus will never feel the joy of being an expert in something.

44

Is it possible to continue to grow without fully forgiving those who have harmed or neglected you?

I guess to expand that somewhat, is forgiveness in some cases done in stages? Like grieving, a process of time and perspective.

41

What is the difference between a manageable shortcoming in a friend or partner and a red flag?

Hi Mark, Whenever I meet new people I date (or new people who I might be friends with), I am constantly on the lookout for 'red flags'. I've read your articles on neediness, manipulation, and other… (Show more)

Hi Mark,
Whenever I meet new people I date (or new people who I might be friends with), I am constantly on the lookout for 'red flags'. I've read your articles on neediness, manipulation, and other forms of toxicity, but I know to screen for these traits yet it is still hard to know when I should put up with something unsavoury.

This relates to a “meta question” I have about the right people. Why is it so hard to meet the right people (colleagues, lovers, FRIENDS) in today’s world? lots of people I know are really struggling with this one and I do as well. What are your thoughts on that?

40

Does it bother you how almost all of America (and potentially the world) is living in the matrix?

It seems that almost everyone is lost in a group think pack mentality as of late ie. conservative or democrat, for gun control or against, stand for the anthem or kneel. Doesn’t it feel as if… (Show more)

It seems that almost everyone is lost in a group think pack mentality as of late ie. conservative or democrat, for gun control or against, stand for the anthem or kneel. Doesn’t it feel as if objectivity in thought is completely lost. I know some really smart people lost in total group think and it bums me out.

40

What should I look for in a therapist if I'm wanting to seek out therapy?

I know that you've received therapy before. I'm just curious, what are the things that you look for to make sure that you are dealing with a credible therapist?

39

Is your wife really interested in your work, or does she just kind of let you do your own thing and not pay much attention?

38

What's the best way to overcome the anxiety you have based on previous decisions and the thought that you're too far gone to make it all right again?

36

Is it better to start dating someone you like before you're in love with them, or should you just wait until you're in love, then start dating them?

36

Why is monogamy your preferred choice?

In your texts and book you seem to imply that being with one person is the best choice for you, and that partners should be sexually 'faithful' or choose to just have sex with one person.… (Show more)

In your texts and book you seem to imply that being with one person is the best choice for you, and that partners should be sexually 'faithful' or choose to just have sex with one person. Why? Would life not be easier if one acknowledges that no one person can tick all your boxes and that each partner is free to have others close to them, including sexually?

34

Why do we pick up 'bad' habits so easily but have to work so hard to start a 'good' habit.

34

What do you eat? What is your diet like? Do you have an exercise regiment? Im basically asking how do you stay healthy and maintain your physique?

31

What advice could you give to someone trying to give up binge eating?

Hi Mark. I've been wanting to write to you about this for a while. Thank you for the opportunity! I've read your post about the boy who lost huge amount of weight and also your post… (Show more)

Hi Mark. I've been wanting to write to you about this for a while. Thank you for the opportunity! I've read your post about the boy who lost huge amount of weight and also your post on how you quit smoking. I find these very inspiring and relatable. I began binge eating years ago and even though I try to break the cycle, I still do it. Feeling anxious and having the urge, the overeating, the horrible effects from this including guilt and gaining weight and then realising this has to stop. Then trying to loose this weight, be healthy and not sucumbe to the urges. I guess my question is, what advice could you give me and people that seem to be in this specific cycle with food? Why can't I stop it??
Any thoughts or advice would be most welcome. There are other things I wanted to ask but I've upvoted similar ones to the ones I had in mind.
Looking forward to your video,
Best wishes
Gaby
From Oxford

31

Developing an Inner Authority

The strongest people I know get their validation internally and make decisions based on their on values and metrics. However, if you are a person that doesn't really know or understand this experience that well, how… (Show more)

The strongest people I know get their validation internally and make decisions based on their on values and metrics. However, if you are a person that doesn't really know or understand this experience that well, how do you recommend we begin cultivate it in a healthy way, as opposed wanting to change from a place of self rejection?

29

How do I cope with not belonging in my community?

I do stand up, and the most painful thing about it is not feeling valued by a majority of the comedians in my scene. They all have their tight-knit groups, yet they all act they're a… (Show more)

I do stand up, and the most painful thing about it is not feeling valued by a majority of the comedians in my scene. They all have their tight-knit groups, yet they all act they're a supportive community when I feel like they're not. I've tried being kind but my efforts get ignored. I oftentimes feel like I put on a poker face while I deal with the comedians in my scene because openness does not exist. Earlier this year, I had to put up with a comedy booker removing me from a show line up without a reason, which led me to suspect that he just does not like me. Point is, as I'm moving towards making comedy into my future career, the lack of belonging makes me feel more than just emotionally exhausted. How do I accept that the people in my local comedy scene will never like me for whatever reason without it hurting my career chances?

24

What is your opinion on human existence that lasts about a "blink of an eye" metaphorically speaking on a tiny rock in a massive universe(assuming you hold no religious belief)?

Life in the universe appears to be an "accident" and at some point in the future no-one will know we were ever here - so what's the point of anything(sorry for sounding morbid),probably think too much… (Show more)

Life in the universe appears to be an "accident" and at some point in the future no-one will know we were ever here - so what's the point of anything(sorry for sounding morbid),probably think too much about shit like this!

23

Why is it that so many men (e.g., Roger Ales, Bill O’Reilly, Harvey Weinstein) who achieve positions of power think it’s OK to sexually harass women?

23

How does your advice about not trusting what our intuition says reconcile with "Fuck Yes or No"?

You often talk about the fact that we shouldn't trust our intuition and emotions, and that personal development advice that tells you to listen to your gut all the time is bad for this reason. How… (Show more)

You often talk about the fact that we shouldn't trust our intuition and emotions, and that personal development advice that tells you to listen to your gut all the time is bad for this reason. How does this idea reconcile with the law of "Fuck Yes or No", which states that we should listen to our gut feeling about how we feel about somebody to determine if we should date them or not? Rather than maybe using our brain and logically determine this, for example.

22

How do I not feel like my whole life revolves around my job?

Don't get it wrong, I love what I do, but sometimes I feel like my work becomes my life. I can't completely disconnect from work. My brain keeps thinking about pending research and ideas I want… (Show more)

Don't get it wrong, I love what I do, but sometimes I feel like my work becomes my life. I can't completely disconnect from work. My brain keeps thinking about pending research and ideas I want to explore. Sometimes it feels just too much.

21

How often do you daydream about your future, your goals, and does that ever get in the way of actually accomplishing your wishes, goals, etc.?

21

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

I've suffering from BPD since teenage years. I was an unwanted child, given away less than one week from birth, to an unloving family. At the age of one, I was transferred to another family. I… (Show more)

I've suffering from BPD since teenage years. I was an unwanted child, given away less than one week from birth, to an unloving family. At the age of one, I was transferred to another family. I was abused by my foster mother. She physically and verbally tortured me. She made sure that I was reduced to nothing. I have attempted suicide since I was a teenager, but the fighter (or chicken?) in me wouldn't do anything irreversible. So far, I managed to get through life, with much turbulences and craziness, dosing myself with various kind of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. I am sick and tired of living with this brain of mine. I tried all ways to get rid of its demons - pain, fear and rage. I am highly intelligent but lack the emotional stability to be successful in life. I have zero capability to make any friend. I hate people. Dear Mark, is there a way out for me?

21

Should you continue to endure toxic relationships if they are with your family members, like your mother? Or better to cut off contact completely?

If your mother is a functioning alcoholic who generally makes you very unhappy because of her own issues, and you have tried to help her many times and fix the relationship without progress, is it wiser… (Show more)

If your mother is a functioning alcoholic who generally makes you very unhappy because of her own issues, and you have tried to help her many times and fix the relationship without progress, is it wiser to just accept that you cant help her if she doesn't want to get better and live your life without her because you feel better when there is no contact?

20

How to secelect the right non fiction books for me to read?

There are of course several options like some ranking sites etc. But still, also crapy books may score pretty high in those. So I would like to ask how and where to look for books which… (Show more)

There are of course several options like some ranking sites etc. But still, also crapy books may score pretty high in those. So I would like to ask how and where to look for books which may give me the most value? And what is your attitude to summerize them for database? Do you take notes while reading, or do you sum them up in the end? Some tips on this topic?

20

Good social habits?

ex: make eye contact, stand up straight, instead of questions make statements. Track 15 of "Models" audiobook

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