Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

Site members can go here to submit a question. If you’re not a member, you can learn more about the membership here.

Vote for your favorite questions below

Sort by:
votes
75

Are people who are in the self-help realm the most fucked up?

Are the people who give out self-help advice the ones who actually the most fucked up and have had the most trauma in their lives? Are those who seek it ficked up as well or are we all just crazy?

54

How do you suggest understanding where your spouse is coming from regarding sex/intimacy needs?

We get along great; in almost every aspect of our lives. But we can't get on the same page in terms of sex and intimacy needs. It's really difficult to put ourselves in each others' shoes… (Show more)

We get along great; in almost every aspect of our lives. But we can't get on the same page in terms of sex and intimacy needs. It's really difficult to put ourselves in each others' shoes and overcome the struggle without tearing each others' faces off in the process.

52

What is your advice to people who have tried improving their dating life for years and failed?

Should the focus change from improving the current situation to accepting it completely? What would you tell a 40 year old virgin who is probably never going to get laid? Surely not every single person who… (Show more)

Should the focus change from improving the current situation to accepting it completely? What would you tell a 40 year old virgin who is probably never going to get laid? Surely not every single person who tried to improve his dating life will succeed. How do you accept something like that?

51

What’s the best advice for people in their 20’s who feel lost about what to do with their life?

48

How can I short-circuit my craving for instant gratification?

I have a lot of goals for my future that require a lot of planning, strategy, and patience. For example: I'm a writer and, as you know, it can take years just to finish the first… (Show more)

I have a lot of goals for my future that require a lot of planning, strategy, and patience. For example: I'm a writer and, as you know, it can take years just to finish the first draft of a body of work. But I find myself constantly getting distracted by social media for no other reason than the shot of dopamine, or frustrated with the slog of writing -- even though I'm passionate about it -- just because it doesn't come with a big shot of endorphins the way other, less fulfilling activities might. How do I stop this craving for instant gratification from getting in the way of achieving my goals?

45

Mark ... Do you believe that envirnoment is 80% of who you are ?

How much of who we are is Nature vs Nurture ?? Thoughts

42

What books do you recommend to get better at setting boundaries with people in your life?

I've read all of your posts and Models multiple times. I'm curious to know which book(s) you found the most helpful when it came to getting better with boundaries.

39

Social Media: How do I co-exist with it (and even enjoy it) without comparing myself?

39

How do you find purpose in life?

My daughter bought me the book "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free" and it emphasizes the importance of having a purpose in life--something that gets you out of the bed in the morning. My problem… (Show more)

My daughter bought me the book "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free" and it emphasizes the importance of having a purpose in life--something that gets you out of the bed in the morning. My problem is that I suffer from what the Johnson-O'Connor Institute calls "too many aptitudes". Thus I find many different things interesting, but nothing that I could call a purpose in life. So how do you find that interest/activity/cause that gets you out of bed in retirement?

38

How do I deal with paradigms?

My father often said things that were basically installed in my mind: “If it was that simple someone else would have already done it” or “Starting Monday I will change everything” meaning being on a diet,… (Show more)

My father often said things that were basically installed in my mind: “If it was that simple someone else would have already done it” or “Starting Monday I will change everything” meaning being on a diet, working on XYZ, etc.

I know that and believe I have come a long way dealing with this. But I still catch myself sometimes procrastinating (waiting for Monday) or not putting in the effort (fearing it might be for nothing). The latter does not only happen in my career but also in my marriage, which I am very afraid of.

Do you have any idea how to deal with this?

32

You emphasize in your book and articles the importance of saying and hearing NO in healthy relationships. How do I know if I'm a selfish asshole who says no too often?

32

How do I start over after feeling like I lost it all?

I lost my home/city, relationship, and I'm separated from my friends. I realize I have to move on, but to what? It's just not possible for me have what I had. How do I find a… (Show more)

I lost my home/city, relationship, and I'm separated from my friends. I realize I have to move on, but to what? It's just not possible for me have what I had. How do I find a way to be happy without the shadow of that former and better life? I'm 38, feel and look a lot younger. I feel like I should have something good to live for.

32

Why we care so much about what others think?

Why most of the times we’re more concerned on how something looks for others rather than how it does for us? Why are we deeply trapped into this external judgement dependancy?

29

What if you don't have a "passion" in life?

What if you truly don't have a "passion" in life, as you define it? Should it be to find what drives you? Can your passion identify itself late in life?

28

How do you define maturity ?

When you're growing up, in your twenties what are the things that you're mature or not? Is it self knowledge is it responsability is it something emotional?

26

If someone must see just one place in the world, what should it be?

Do you have a specific thing or place someone must see and you can only name one? A monument, national park, street, city, country, festival,etc.

25

Can you give us the hard-core version of "Negative Self-Help" (your preferred/desired title for the book that became "Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck")

Ok Mark, with your avid readers listening and you don't have to listen to asshole publishers saying what will and won't sell, tell us how "Negative Self-Help" really works, what are some unique but transformational ways… (Show more)

Ok Mark, with your avid readers listening and you don't have to listen to asshole publishers saying what will and won't sell, tell us how "Negative Self-Help" really works, what are some unique but transformational ways we can apply it in our lives, and how can I continue to apply it even though it SEEMS LIKE things are breaking down and falling apart.

Case in point, I started reading your book about 6 months ago and soon thereafter, my co-dependent relationship became too painful and I broke up with my girlfriend, and a month after that, I quit my job, moved to a competitor, and started learning new skills in a different industry. My life has changed for the better but I want more ideas to apply negative self-help.

24

Where's one place you've always wanted to travel to but haven't gone yet?

Name a place you've been wanting to see but haven't been yet?

23

What do you do when you and someone else are "fuck yes" for each other, but at different "levels"?

For example, take Bob and Sally. Bob is "fuck yes" for being more than friends with Sally, but Sally is only "fuck yes" for being close friends with Bob. How do they handle this situation? Is… (Show more)

For example, take Bob and Sally. Bob is "fuck yes" for being more than friends with Sally, but Sally is only "fuck yes" for being close friends with Bob. How do they handle this situation? Is it possible for them to land at the lowest denominator (in this case, being close friends) and be content with that, or is the relationship doomed to always to have tension between these two "levels"?

23

He's dating her, but still communicating with me on a daily basis. We can't seem to just let go of each other. Do I tell him to fuck off, even when I really don't want to?

It's like he's something that I never want to leave my life, and as long as he's giving me the attention, I'm going to soak it up. Fucking weakness, man.

23

What was the most challenging moment in your life? How did you overcome it and what did you learn?

23

As a person becomes more self aware and self actualized, how do they deal with the feelings of isolation that result from being in a minority? Seriously, it's getting harder to find people that I can connect with in a meaningful way.

22

Any tricks for dealing with PTSD?

I will be charging along and doing fairly well, when out of nowhere something triggers my PTSD issues. Any advice?

22

What are your top tips to toughen the fuck up emotionally ( and physically if you like)?

I am asking because I think although I believe it is good to be open, sensitive and aware of your feelings I also think there is a need to be resilient as well. So..do you have… (Show more)

I am asking because I think although I believe it is good to be open, sensitive and aware of your feelings I also think there is a need to be resilient as well. So..do you have any practical tips that can help with this? Is it even something you can practice and improve on Of your own accord ?

21

Why we don't do the things we want and know that we if we do them our life will get better?

[1] > >>