Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

Site members can go here to submit a question. If you’re not a member, you can learn more about the membership here.

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1

Changing people’s perception of me

I’m struggling to change careers and doing a half old/half new job at my current employer but I’ve been told I’m being kept in the old job because I’m really good at it and others in… (Show more)

I’m struggling to change careers and doing a half old/half new job at my current employer but I’ve been told I’m being kept in the old job because I’m really good at it and others in that same role aren’t as successful. I’ve made it clear I want to move into the new job 100% but even potential employers see me as just the old job. How can I sway this perception so they see my capabilities for the new role? I have the background and portfolio to back it up.

1

What are the best decisions you ever made in life? What about the worst ones?

1

What's the best criteria to use when two potentially great relationship partners show up in your life?

I'm a mature woman who has recently met 2 wonderful guys, both beautiful inside and out, (at a time when I thought it was game over for ladies of my age). Am a bit in love… (Show more)

I'm a mature woman who has recently met 2 wonderful guys, both beautiful inside and out, (at a time when I thought it was game over for ladies of my age). Am a bit in love with both of them but can't carry on a double life and really want to commit to one. How to embrace the responsibilty of making a good choice and avoid the chagrin of letting one go??
Many thanks Mark!

2

Why do ordinary people fall prey to spiritual gurus and start following their teachings blindly without questioning their authenticity/practicality?

How come people like osho, jiddu krishnamurti, eckhart tolle, sadhguru jaggi vasudev etc and many more create such huge followings? How is it possible? Why don't people question their teachings and if it is practical enough… (Show more)

How come people like osho, jiddu krishnamurti, eckhart tolle, sadhguru jaggi vasudev etc and many more create such huge followings? How is it possible? Why don't people question their teachings and if it is practical enough to follow and apply their teachings in solving real life problems? So far as I feel, these spiritual gurus dupe people endlessly by their smart talk. But the interesting part of all that is - how do they manage to dupe so many people around the world for so long, wasting these people's valuable time and life? Do these gurus ever feel remorse for how they kill people's times or are they so self centric (or maybe neurotic) as to be so stone-hearted as they are? What is the solution? How can awareness be created amongst people so that they don't fall prey to such individuals?

2

Should we pursue a career we desire but are not skilled at and why/why not?

I’m currently a premed student desiring to become a doctor someday. I’ve never been academically talented. This has resulted in comparing myself and being stressed out for knowing I’m not where I should be. Why do… (Show more)

I’m currently a premed student desiring to become a doctor someday. I’ve never been academically talented. This has resulted in comparing myself and being stressed out for knowing I’m not where I should be. Why do we continue to pursue the difficult path when we aren’t naturally as talented and things are hard? Am I making the right choice? Do we just like things to be fucking hard all the time?

2

How do you get over someone who you ended on bad terms with?

Been "friends" with someone for a long time, but it got quite toxic and ended with a discussion that turned sour. I feel pretty emotional about it, how do I let it go (not think about… (Show more)

Been "friends" with someone for a long time, but it got quite toxic and ended with a discussion that turned sour. I feel pretty emotional about it, how do I let it go (not think about the things he will say behind my back) so that I can move on with my own life?

2

What is your take on veganism for ethical and environmental reasons? Have you ever entertained the idea?

And if not, would you be willing to look into it?

2

What decisions and priorities did you change in your life to go from single to happily married?

I am currently at a stage where I have been single for 7 years, and have slept with lots of women but still havent met a new girlfriend which I would like to. I am starting… (Show more)

I am currently at a stage where I have been single for 7 years, and have slept with lots of women but still havent met a new girlfriend which I would like to. I am starting to wonder if I am going around in circles and doing the same actions over and over again, and thats what keeping me from really connecting with women. So I am wondering which actions I can take to change that!

1

Living in a third world country with a high crime rate, how do I stop feeling fearfull everywhere I go?

2

Self sabotage and how to avoid my brain turning to mush when dating beautiful women

I have a major problem with self-sabotage, especially around beautiful women. I've been hurt in the past and it's affected relationships in the present. Sometimes I reconcile the fact that I feel unloveable and sometimes I… (Show more)

I have a major problem with self-sabotage, especially around beautiful women.
I've been hurt in the past and it's affected relationships in the present.
Sometimes I reconcile the fact that I feel unloveable and sometimes I think it would be better to die.

1

What are your tips for a healthy use of social media?

You already told us what you think about social media but you said that you need it for your job and to keep up with your friends. The same goes for me. I sometimes wish i… (Show more)

You already told us what you think about social media but you said that you need it for your job and to keep up with your friends. The same goes for me. I sometimes wish i could delete it but i think you need it because it is sometimes important for certain things like checking events, following your favorite artists/musicians and stuff like that. When I just use it for that purpose, I don't think it's that bad for my psyche. But every now and then I got sucked into it and just scroll through the feed and see all those (fake)happy faces and adventures. After a while I feel like shit and realize how unhealthy it is what I am doing. Then I decide to delete all SM-Apps for a week. After that week I feel much better and I reinstall them. After a while the same shit happens again and so on....
It's like a "Social-Meda-Loop from Hell" ;)

Do you have tips to be more disciplined about it? What is your experience?

1

Dealing with a narcissistic parent

How do you deal with a toxic narcissistic parent? I know I can’t change my Dad but I would like to find a new way to interact with him. I tried not talking with my Dad… (Show more)

How do you deal with a toxic narcissistic parent? I know I can’t change my Dad but I would like to find a new way to interact with him. I tried not talking with my Dad for a few years at all but find myself anxious all the time. What if Dad pops back into my life somehow and act like his crazy typical self? It seems that the way to deal with this anxiety is to feel in control and to know how to handle the parents’ toxic manipulative behavior. So yes, please give advise on how to deal with narcissistic people that you can’t completely throw out of your life. Or is it best to cut off all contact after all?

4

Attachment Theory & “Fuck Yes or No”

Building on the other question around “fuck yes” and going with your “gut” - I’m curious to hear how you co-exist “fuck yes or no” theory with the attachment system. Ie: an avoidant may not be… (Show more)

Building on the other question around “fuck yes” and going with your “gut” - I’m curious to hear how you co-exist “fuck yes or no” theory with the attachment system. Ie: an avoidant may not be a “fuck yes” but that doesn’t necessarily mean they should actually exit the relationship. And an anxious attacher may be too quick to say “fuck yes” - I have a hard time reconciling this one article to most of your other writings. Is this “fuck yes” just meant for early-stage dating and, perhaps, not when asking if you should stay-or-go after 5+ years/committed time?

1

What is your biggest regret?

7

Test question23345

2

Trauma or Biology? Obsessed with the opposite sex

You once said, I wished I had not been so obsessed with girls for a long time. It didn't make you a better person you said. But didn't it make you less anxious, wiser, more experienced… (Show more)

You once said, I wished I had not been so obsessed with girls for a long time. It didn't make you a better person you said.
But didn't it make you less anxious, wiser, more experienced and wasn't it a necessary stage in your development?
I am obsessing with girls for years now, but resist going out and make it happen. Mainly because one part of me believes, that it is just overcompensating for my chronic pain in my chest.
I still think, that it would liberate me and that it would ease my anxiety a lot, though.

2

What kind of therapies have you tried so far? What helped you the most?

3

Do you think that we are just energy?

Do you think we are just energy and people can feel if it’s good or bad energy?

2

Why does volunteering my time make me feel like crap? Do I have my priorities wrong?

Around 6 months ago I started volunteering my time to a well known organisation which offers free first aid at big events. I thought it would make me feel good to give something back. But in… (Show more)

Around 6 months ago I started volunteering my time to a well known organisation which offers free first aid at big events. I thought it would make me feel good to give something back. But in reality I don't go as often as I had planned, as I'm not prepared to give up other things in my life that are important to me like my family and hobbies. I still go every so often out of a sense of obligation but I worry that the original intent of volunteering my time has been lost and I have created a situation for myself where I feel bad, both when I do go, and when I decide not to.

9

What specific behaviours of a secure attachment type person help an anxious or avoidant attachment type person become more secure themselves? Can anxious or avoidant attachment type people become more secure themselves without dating someone secure?

6

How do you know if you are in your own head, and how can you critically analyze a situation without emotion?

I am in college and have been thinking a lot about my friend group, I cannot tell if I am in my own head and giving fucks about things that really do not matter. A couple… (Show more)

I am in college and have been thinking a lot about my friend group, I cannot tell if I am in my own head and giving fucks about things that really do not matter. A couple of friends in my group have reduced the amount of time they hangout with me this semester, after we hung out a lot more last semester, and I keep thinking about it. Am I giving a crap about something that really does not matter and should I stop trying to initiate more often? What advice do you have to help me figure out if this is a problem on my end or if this is some natural cycle? What are some actionable steps I can take to help better my social situation and make myself more of a social magnet and get people to initiate with me? Thanks for all your help Mark!

6

Any recommendations on time management or organization strategies?

I’ve always suffered from chronic disorganization... both with time and space. Any advice or recommmeded resources would be appreciated!

3

How to I learn to manage my avoidant tendencies when it comes to intimacy?

I'm having trouble speaking the love languages of those close to me because it builds intimacy. When I receive it I get a weird feeling and run away from it, then desire that same closeness again… (Show more)

I'm having trouble speaking the love languages of those close to me because it builds intimacy. When I receive it I get a weird feeling and run away from it, then desire that same closeness again but with someone new. I've read Attached and I'm having trouble handling the deactivation strategies.

6

How important is sexual attraction?

4

I Read Your Books and other books alot but when i meet people or in bad situation mind going empty how to train mind or change old believes

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