Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

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I’m in a great 3+ year relationship with my GF, however, I want to explore my sex life with other women. What would you do in my shoes?

My girlfriend and I meet each others needs, share interests, sense of humor, travel often, sex is good etc. We take care of each other and live together. However, I’ve felt for a long time this… (Show more)

My girlfriend and I meet each others needs, share interests, sense of humor, travel often, sex is good etc. We take care of each other and live together.
However, I’ve felt for a long time this want to experience intimacy and my sex life with other women. You could say I want to see who and what is out there and learn more about what I want ie. have sex with more/different women.
I feel happy and don’t want to imagine life right now without her, but I also can’t say I want to be with her the rest of my life.
She is my first serious relationship that we started when I was 22. I’m now 25, she is 31.

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How can I figure out if I do something only for the identity it gives me? And if I figure out that I only do it for the identity should I stop doing it, even if I like it?

In one of your articles you're talking about why we do stuff that we hate. We do it because it gives us some sort of identity. We like the image of being something or somebody, even… (Show more)

In one of your articles you're talking about why we do stuff that we hate. We do it because it gives us some sort of identity. We like the image of being something or somebody, even if we're not. But how can I figure out if I do it for the identity it gives me, or if I do it because I love doing it?

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How do you distinguish between loving unconditionally, and having conditions for the relationship (e.g. mutual respect, room to be individuals, not tolerating behavior that is harmful, etc.) ?

I've read what you've wrote about unconditional love, and believe that love should be unconditional, but what about relationships? What happens when a relationship is harmful? Does walking away mean the love was conditional?

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Are humans born worthy of happiness? Why or why not?

When dealing with shame and self-esteem issues, I have been told that I am worthy of happiness simply because I am a person. This explanation confuses me and seems overly simplistic. I find it hard to… (Show more)

When dealing with shame and self-esteem issues, I have been told that I am worthy of happiness simply because I am a person. This explanation confuses me and seems overly simplistic. I find it hard to accept that just existing means that I deserve anything. It makes it feel like humans are owed something regardless of our actions and brings up guilt for me, especially when I think of others who may have been born into more difficult circumstances than me. How do you reconcile this concept?

1

What is the line between rumination and not distracting yourself to avoid pain?

Is this question is also similar to asking the difference between self-consciousness and self-awareness? I don’t seem to draw a line, and get caught mostly ruminating with the noble goal of not avoiding the pain.

1

What is your take on Psychoanalysis Vs Schizoanalysis?

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How can you develop an unconditional mindset when you’ve never gotten out of adolescent conditional mindset?

Good morning mother fucker! I’m one of your biggest fans, gotta be. Your work has had a profound impact on my life. Curious, my current issue I need help with is switching from conditional love mindset… (Show more)

Good morning mother fucker! I’m one of your biggest fans, gotta be. Your work has had a profound impact on my life. Curious, my current issue I need help with is switching from conditional love mindset to unconditional. I have that adolescent mind set you spoke of in chapter 3 (I think) of subtle art book. I don’t know how to change it. Do you know of a resource I could look into?

1

The Atlantic, New York Times

Do you consider The Atlantic and The New York Times reliable sources?

1

Is there a human element in jobs?

Basically I work for a consulting company and I was forced to travel back to my base location during covid-19 pandemic situation because my work contract ended.I said I can go on leave or loss of… (Show more)

Basically I work for a consulting company and I was forced to travel back to my base location during covid-19 pandemic situation because my work contract ended.I said I can go on leave or loss of pay and continue to stay in the same place to avoid travel but because of the company policies I cannot stay in other country and I'm asked to return back to home country via evacuation flight,which I think is risky under current pandemic conditions.I sometimes wonder if there is any consideration for human element in these kind of jobs or all that matters is just profit and policies.Or Am'i just overreacting,I dont know.

1

Why can't I love her back?

Hi Mark big fan of you since Subtle Art. My question is why can't I love someone back. We started dating pretty much after a few days of dating. She is very good to me and… (Show more)

Hi Mark big fan of you since Subtle Art. My question is why can't I love someone back. We started dating pretty much after a few days of dating. She is very good to me and always supports me no matter what. She's everything a guy would want. However I can not reciprocate the feelings back to her and I just feel it doesn't click. Is it possible through time that I can grow to love her? Should I go back to her? We had dated for around 5 months and almost broke up because of this problem.

1

Does cohabitation before marriage lead to divorce?

My boyfriends and I (both 24 yo) have been dating for almost a year and we're thinking about moving in together. We read lots of your relationship articles to build a strong relationship between us. We've… (Show more)

My boyfriends and I (both 24 yo) have been dating for almost a year and we're thinking about moving in together. We read lots of your relationship articles to build a strong relationship between us. We've already discussed about our values, future goals and plans, our stances on politics/religion/whether or not to have kids - basically all the stuffs important to us. I've met his friends and parents, they all like me; he's a good friend of my brothers and my parents also like him. We want to take the next step and move in together but all the statistics and researches about cohabitation before marriage really make me worried. I wonder what your thoughts are.

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Have you heard of #killallmen2020? if so what is your opinion on it?

It is a trend that is going around with teenager feminists and sjw

1

How do i keep my health anxiety in check?

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What books on Zen Buddhism would you recommend?


0

How do I emotionally handle getting divorced even though I know I Need to & am in the process of filing bc I care about him but i need to ?

I am 36 my husband and I have been together for 13 years. He changed when he became a manager and supervisor at his job. He is emotional and sensitive and grew up with 3 sisters… (Show more)

I am 36 my husband and I have been together for 13 years. He changed when he became a manager and supervisor at his job. He is emotional and sensitive and grew up with 3 sisters and a mother who are all self involved and he feels that he doesn’t get attention. He has admitted he has anger issues since that job and has since moved on to another - but since covid has worked from home. I work from home full time since 2017 as a nurse consultant. I worked in a hospital 12 hr shifts ALL shifts for 10 years prior. He started drinking (shots of fireball even in the morning and all through the day) more often. Smokes weed every day. Buys time release adderall from some random guy - and clearly that’s affected our relationship. Abuse of every sort including physical. I have left and stayed with friends many times bc of this. At this point Ive not been home since May 16 and it’s almost the end of June. I got to a breaking point when he was wasted at noon on that Saturday in May and I told my parents and his mom everything. I also have three brothers only one who lives close and is my best friend and I have a good support system. I feel bad almost like I am abandoning him but he won’t realize he has a problem. He blames me and gets drunk and wanders around screaming to himself I’m the worst wife and never there for him etc and thinks I cheat on him with everyone I’ve ever seen. I work 12-16 hr days and have no alone time. When he’s drunk he brings up everything he’s ever been mad at in his whole life. He says horrible things about me and my parents and brothers yet is perfectly fine with them the next day. But this is a recurring thing. I met with a divorce lawyer and it’s going to happen. There has been physical abuse and the emotional and mental and verbal abuse have been so awful I can’t deal with it. I have done everything I can for him. He won’t admit he has any problems. He says he works harder than I ever have but drinks in the morning - randomly takes naps during the day etc. - meanwhile I’ve worked 7am-10pm without a break because that’s my work ethic and if something happens and I need to consult with a medical director I do it whether that means I’m on the phone at 10pm or not. This isn’t a flipped switch situation I’ve left before and he’s coerced me back saying the cats miss me and he will never do anything again and will stop drinking etc and I will be safe. He has broken that promise too many times. We all have limits and the right to protect ourselves and that’s why I left and he knows it. He refuses to respond to anything I’ve said about divorce he thinks it’s a joke and I wouldn’t do it. And still sends me taunting messages or “we can be roommates if u want just come hoMe”. My close friends who have been to my house said it’s weird he doesn’t say anything except that “I’m at a friends house” if they ask. And I’ve been avoiding talking to most ppl about it. I just need to know how I can get through this bc no matter what I will always care about his well being but I hate that no matter how much he has hurt me HORRIBLY - (to the point where he told me my best friend from college is dead because of me -he died in a car accident by the way) and my family and his family hate me - which is not true and calls me every name in the book - I STILL AM UPSET AT THE THOUGHt OF HIM BEING UPSET RECEIVING DIVORCE PAPERS bc I know he is sensitive but he doesn’t take things seriously.

0

Change payment accounts.

For the third time I’m asking this question. Your app does not give adequate feedback. I want to change the payment accounts. It was initially set up and in my head husband’s iPhone. I now wish… (Show more)

For the third time I’m asking this question. Your app does not give adequate feedback. I want to change the payment accounts. It was initially set up and in my head husband’s iPhone. I now wish to move it over to my new iPhone. I have in fact move the app over but I can’t access the payment account part. And I still want to move it to my account credit card. How do you send us


1

How do you research to write ?

like what is your website to search or explore stuff to write because I saw you have many reference on your work

1

Why would anyone want to be ordinary in a time of easy fame?

1

Why do anything if we are going to die?

I'm not religious so I don't believe in God , afterlife,etc. Which makes me question why do anything at all if we are going to die, why care about anything?

1

What is your take on political correctness, gender equality, trigger warnings and similar sensitive concepts?

Of course I don't want to discriminate someone but I can't shake the feeling that some things are going overboard.

0

The Subtle art Of nit giving a fuck e-book

Hello Mark! I would like to buy your book online in e-book version. Where and how can I do that?
Thank you so much.

0

Betrayal. Someone is betrayed and gets revenge. Are they equal? The “two wrongs don’t make it right”, could make it right in this case??

1

How to deal with the anxiety i am constantly overwhelmed with of a Parent dying or losing a close one and being alone?

1

Does a young guy have to go through a "hoe phase" to stop glorifying sex?

I'm a 21 y/o guy who values connection and compatibility in a relationship, but sex and hot women feel irresistible to me at the moment. Do you think guys need to have a lot of sex… (Show more)

I'm a 21 y/o guy who values connection and compatibility in a relationship, but sex and hot women feel irresistible to me at the moment. Do you think guys need to have a lot of sex to "get this out of their system" and move onto deeper relationships? I'm afraid that I'm chasing an insatiable feeling in horniness that won't leave me.

1

How do I navigate socialization as a young person that grew up with social media?

Hi Mark, I'm 21 and notice more and more how much growing up with instant communication has changed how people my age interact; we're less direct and more anxious. Do you have any observations or advice… (Show more)

Hi Mark, I'm 21 and notice more and more how much growing up with instant communication has changed how people my age interact; we're less direct and more anxious. Do you have any observations or advice for people who grew up with social media and struggle to make more natural social connections?

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