Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

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1

How do you handle being attracted to someone you have an existing platonic relationship with of some kind?

Maybe it's a coworker, or someone who's part of the same social club as you, or just someone who you met and you like as a friend. How do you approach polarizing them, but not in… (Show more)

Maybe it's a coworker, or someone who's part of the same social club as you, or just someone who you met and you like as a friend. How do you approach polarizing them, but not in such a way that it would make things awkward if they are unreceptive but you still have to see them every day, or don't want them to stop being friends with you because "things got weird?"

1

When are we responsible for other people's emotions?

You've said a million times so far that we are only responsible for our own emotions. Yet, in your "How to break up gracefully" article you say: "Once the relationship is severed, the other person’s emotions… (Show more)

You've said a million times so far that we are only responsible for our own emotions. Yet, in your "How to break up gracefully" article you say:

"Once the relationship is severed, the other person’s emotions are no longer your responsibility. And not only is it no longer your responsibility to help them cope, but comforting them will likely make them feel worse."

This confused me so I was wondering how to deal with this contradictory information?

1

What is the purpose of reading people?

These days I've found many books about determining people's body language and intention. But after you find out the thing that they want to give voice to. What will you do about that information? Most importantly,… (Show more)

These days I've found many books about determining people's body language and intention. But after you find out the thing that they want to give voice to. What will you do about that information? Most importantly, is it even worth your time?

1

Would you consider starting a podcast?

You've said that podcasts aren't really your thing, but with the growing popularity o long-form audio and your appearance on Jordan Peterson's podcast, I was wondering if your opinion on the whole thing has changed since?… (Show more)

You've said that podcasts aren't really your thing, but with the growing popularity o long-form audio and your appearance on Jordan Peterson's podcast, I was wondering if your opinion on the whole thing has changed since? It's definitely something with a very steep learning curve but I'd love to see more of it by you

1

How can you learn/train to feel good about positive feedback you receive?

Let's say you have a healthy amount of self-esteem, you don't compare yourself to others, you are aware of the reasons of the positive feedback and you can honestly respond with a 'thank you' without deflecting.… (Show more)

Let's say you have a healthy amount of self-esteem, you don't compare yourself to others, you are aware of the reasons of the positive feedback and you can honestly respond with a 'thank you' without deflecting. You sincerely appreciate it, but you can't feel it.

1

Why paper books over digital books?

1

what do you think about vegetarianism?

even people like Leo Tolstoy, Immanuel Kant Pythagorus, Socrates, Plato, Einstein, Edison, Tesla, da vinci and many other great thinkers have talked about this and followed it for the right reasons. I have read your books… (Show more)

even people like Leo Tolstoy, Immanuel Kant Pythagorus, Socrates, Plato, Einstein, Edison, Tesla, da vinci and many other great thinkers have talked about this and followed it for the right reasons.
I have read your books and I think you’re a great thinker too. So I am excited to know your view on this.

1

How do you break thinking habits?

I’ve read a lot about making and breaking habits but everything is so much more complicated when the habit you’re trying to break are a certain set of recurring thoughts. Unlike other habits the cue for… (Show more)

I’ve read a lot about making and breaking habits but everything is so much more complicated when the habit you’re trying to break are a certain set of recurring thoughts. Unlike other habits the cue for this could be self awareness itself. It could be thoughts about someone or something how do you let go and break thinking habits.

1

How to identify and effectively deal with languishing ?

0

how do i start looking for a job when everytime i do i end up at the psychiatrist with anxiety through the roof ?

i have a job i was transfered to unvolunteraly 3 years ago . i promised myself to change it 6 months after it happened thinking i deserved better . Turns out i needed it to grow… (Show more)

i have a job i was transfered to unvolunteraly 3 years ago . i promised myself to change it 6 months after it happened thinking i deserved better . Turns out i needed it to grow the fuck up and really work what working is and that nothing is actually owed to me . i am now bored out of my mind , i feel like i have learned what i could and i would want to change it . yet everytime i start looking for a job i panic i end up at my shrinks office with suicidal thoughts , i know i need to start small but i don't know how to reign it in and the overthinking . please help me like you have in the past with your advice. thank you

1

Are there any situations where you should pursue someone who has rejected you?

For example, if you have extraordinarily high levels of chemistry and compatibility with someone, but they end up leaving you due to some avoidant attachment tendencies, is it worth breaking the "fuck yes or no" rule… (Show more)

For example, if you have extraordinarily high levels of chemistry and compatibility with someone, but they end up leaving you due to some avoidant attachment tendencies, is it worth breaking the "fuck yes or no" rule to pursue what could be an extremely fulfilling and happy relationship? I'm currently in that predicament and unsure how to proceed. On the one hand, I feel I shouldn't be wanting someone who doesn't (at least on the surface) want me. On the other, I've dated enough to know how special and rare she is and how special and rare the dynamic between us was, which makes me (a mostly secure-style) want to somehow help her work through that avoidant style.

0

What does most people care about that in your opinion is not worth giving a single fuck about?

1

What are your thoughts on humanism?

0

How do you manage your attention with such a big audience?

0

How does one find their community to live in?

Me and the missus are desperate to settle roots and live in a place with like minded folk, which we can contribute and feel part of everything. Problem is, there doesn't seem to be any place… (Show more)

Me and the missus are desperate to settle roots and live in a place with like minded folk, which we can contribute and feel part of everything. Problem is, there doesn't seem to be any place that fits our ideals and values leaving us feeling isolated and guarded where we're currently living.

1

How can I handle perceived criticism without being defensive?

1

How can I be less defensive when responding to someone?

Sometimes I have been told that I am defensive in the way I'm answering someone. I'm concerned with this when I don't realize my response is defensive. After enough perceived criticism, when is it normal, if… (Show more)

Sometimes I have been told that I am defensive in the way I'm answering someone. I'm concerned with this when I don't realize my response is defensive. After enough perceived criticism, when is it normal, if ever, to be defensive?

0

How do we build genuine and selfless friendships in today's world?

With the human race becoming less and less empathetic and more selfish everyday, how can we build unconditional connections? I am an admirer of your work and you have changed my perspective in many ways. With… (Show more)

With the human race becoming less and less empathetic and more selfish everyday, how can we build unconditional connections? I am an admirer of your work and you have changed my perspective in many ways. With the same vote of confidence, I want to ask you about building and maintaining deep and genuine connections. I'm in my late 20s and have close to NO friends. How can I become better at making them?

0

The emotional brain.

If the emotional brain can't be reasoned with, how do we ultimately use it to our advantage?

1

Is there a way to have sex with someone and have it just be sex?

Do you think having sex with someone new while trying to have no deeper level of emotional relationship with them is a bad idea? I know there is an obvious answer to this but I would… (Show more)

Do you think having sex with someone new while trying to have no deeper level of emotional relationship with them is a bad idea? I know there is an obvious answer to this but I would like to hear your opinion/ knowledge you have gathered on the matter. Not looking for any serious relationships at the moment wondering if this is going to make me feel more shitty in the long run. Cheers!

1

How do you cope with tattoo regret?

I recently got several large tattoos and later realized they don’t suit me or mean anything to me anymore, and removing them takes a few years. It’s killed my confidence and made me feel like shit all around.

0

how to stop fantasizing & daydreaming .

this problem is the root cause of all problem in my life. I'm not productive at all . I'm 80% time fantasizing &20% time working & getting results of 10% ... I guss it's a problem… (Show more)

this problem is the root cause of all problem in my life. I'm not productive at all . I'm 80% time fantasizing &20% time working & getting results of 10% ...

I guss it's a problem with so many people now a days due to Netflix, webseries , porn , movies etc ....

if this can be fixed . 90% of our problems will go away....

I want a detail answer or details article regarding this

2

How do you reconcile the principle of "fuck yes or no" with an overthinking mind?

I am an overthinker. I tried to apply the principle of fuck yes or no, but when it comes to choosing whether to be with someone or not, my overthinking brain always gets in the way.… (Show more)

I am an overthinker. I tried to apply the principle of fuck yes or no, but when it comes to choosing whether to be with someone or not, my overthinking brain always gets in the way. I don't think I can be totally "fuck yes" about someone without my brain going "well....what if" at the same time. And that inherently means I am not "fuck yes" anymore. Any idea how to get out of this conundrum?

1

How to deal with power struggles at home

Hi Mark, I just finished Love is not Enough and I was surprised how much I related to the part about power struggles. I mostly have them with my mom at home but also sometimes with… (Show more)

Hi Mark,
I just finished Love is not Enough and I was surprised how much I related to the part about power struggles. I mostly have them with my mom at home but also sometimes with my sister. I know you said that the only way to win them is to opt out, but how do I do that at home? Especially when the power struggle isn't just an argument. When my mom gets mad she'll 'ask' me to do things in retaliation, and if I bring up that she's doing it because she's annoyed she just denies.

0

plz discribe analysis paralysis in a more detail in a simple understandble way. the privious article was not enough for understanding !

plz discribe analysis paralysis in a more detail in a simple understandble way. the privious article was not enough for understanding ! I'm still struggling to understand & implement this into my life.

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