Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

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0

You always say don't let your feelings rule what you choose but in your advice you also say try things out and see how it feels and adjust.

i find this a bit contradictory that when you say don't let your feelings dictate what you choose(career) but you also say that try things that we are interested in and then see how we feel and act accordingly.

1

What causes narcissism and are they really as secure and confident as they portray?

There is someone in my life who is quite clearly a narcissist, he will put people down to make himself feel better, use your insecurities against you and all the other things that come with narcissism.… (Show more)

There is someone in my life who is quite clearly a narcissist, he will put people down to make himself feel better, use your insecurities against you and all the other things that come with narcissism. I often wonder if he actually is as content as he makes himself out to be or does he have deep seated insecurities and anxieties himself?

1

What are your thoughts on free will, specifically how it relates to the erosion of the self through meditation?

Besides determinist scientists, many experianced meditators have reported that along with the dissolution of the ego/self comes a realiation that there is no freedom of will. (an example that comes to mind is Sam Harris) What… (Show more)

Besides determinist scientists, many experianced meditators have reported that along with the dissolution of the ego/self comes a realiation that there is no freedom of will. (an example that comes to mind is Sam Harris) What do you think of these (supposedly experiencially verifyiable) views? Since you've drawn much of your personal philosophy from buddhism and existentialism (which emphasizes free will) I'd love to hear your take on this!

0

Am I an asshole for telling my significant other I don't like what they picked out ie necklace or wallet?

This isn't the first time I have done this. I understand it's the thought that counts so I include that when I am like this isn't my style. I don't throw a fit or demand it… (Show more)

This isn't the first time I have done this. I understand it's the thought that counts so I include that when I am like this isn't my style. I don't throw a fit or demand it be taken back. I would feel like even more of an asshole, if I kept accepting expensive gifts I want to secretly catch on fire or fall into a black hole... I would want someone to tell me if they didn't like something and why for future purpose. When I give someone something, I want them to treasure it or use the shit out of it because it works for them.

2

What’s wrong with being single and child free by choice?

So much of your advice is geared towards finding or maintaining a relationship. What about the increasing rates of people—particularly women—that choose to remain single and child free? What’s RIGHT about never getting hitched and/or making babies?

1

What’s up with “love bombing” in the dating world?

0

should we tolerate bullshit and bad behaviour at work? or escalate and raise our voices at the cost of inviting more bs

1

Mark, how do you consume news?

News gives me anxiety so I tend to avoid it altogether these days. I'm wondering if you do the same. If not, then do you maintain healthy boundaries? If yes, then how? If no, then can… (Show more)

News gives me anxiety so I tend to avoid it altogether these days. I'm wondering if you do the same. If not, then do you maintain healthy boundaries? If yes, then how? If no, then can you give us tips on how to consume news without becoming crazy anxious?

1

How to counter Minimalism in terms of book purchase?

I am ardent follower of Minimalism and implement into my day to day life. But when it comes to purchasing books, somewhere I ignore my minimalism thought, and keep on purchasing books which end in book… (Show more)

I am ardent follower of Minimalism and implement into my day to day life. But when it comes to purchasing books, somewhere I ignore my minimalism thought, and keep on purchasing books which end in book shelf. It makes me overwhelming that I have so much to read and so less time. Still I purchase the books.

1

Absolutely unconditional love seems impossible to me, do you believe that there is love so unconditional that absolutely nothing that would make you fall out of love with you partner?

Your article Maybe You Don’t Know What Love Is really made me reflect on love. I'm not currently in a relationship but I hope that I will have unconditional love with someone, but I don't know… (Show more)

Your article Maybe You Don’t Know What Love Is really made me reflect on love. I'm not currently in a relationship but I hope that I will have unconditional love with someone, but I don't know if I will ever be able to love someone no matter what. You gave the example of them having a sex change, I'm not attracted to men, I doubt I could love my partner if they became a man. But also what if they do something absolutely horrific? I know that these are very unlikely hypotheticals, but even if they don't happen, would that mean I don't love them unconditionally?

1

To what extent can inexperianced young people learn from life lessons and ideas that were (largely) the result of countless failures?

<p>The question is in some ways similar to the thought experiment "Mary's room". Is it necessary for someone to undergo similar failures in order to truly appreciate certain life advice? I guess a simple example would… (Show more)

<p>The question is in some ways similar to the thought experiment "Mary's room". Is it necessary for someone to undergo similar failures in order to truly appreciate certain life advice? I guess a simple example would be learning a LOT about relationships and how they work- it doesn't sound very realistic that you would become a relationship ninja (or at least above average) without experiancing the real thing and messing up time and time again.<br />

1

What are your thoughts on Christianity? More specifically, Emmet Fox writing etc? Love your philosophy, and learning to be ok with pain,

Which M. Scott Peck talked about in the road less travelled. But even Peck later became a Christian saying the reason was because it was just easier and less painful. I am not suggesting but bag… (Show more)

Which M. Scott Peck talked about in the road less travelled. But even Peck later became a Christian saying the reason was because it was just easier and less painful.

I am not suggesting but bag Christian. But more like Christian philosophies like Emmett Fox teached. His philosophy was a big contributor to 12 step programs early on.

Toj1@mac.com

1

how do you get alone time during covid winter?

1

How do I develop meaningful connections in young age (I am 19)?

To me, it seems like most of my peers don't appreciate the qualities of a deep relationship. How should I approach connecting with people in this age, and especially when it comes to dating life?

1

Thoughts on Getting Interviewed by the Peterson Family?

I found your interview with JP & MP on Mikhaila Peterson's podcast and enjoyed it. What was the experience like for you and your reflections on it? Did you talk much to JP before or after the interview?

0

How do I stop comparing myself and feeling insecure about boyfriend’s dead wife?

My boyfriend lost his wife over 10 years ago. She was the love of his life. I feel insecure about her even though she is dead. Between the pictures and memories it feels overwhelming sometimes. We… (Show more)

My boyfriend lost his wife over 10 years ago. She was the love of his life. I feel insecure about her even though she is dead. Between the pictures and memories it feels overwhelming sometimes. We have been together over a year. Logically I know I shouldn’t do this, but emotionally it can be hard. My boyfriend isn’t a person who expresses himself verbally or affectionately which can lead me to feeling insecure.

1

How do you genuinely do and portray valuing others while prioritizing your own needs?

I am with my wife's family daily during the pandemic, having dinner with them, and working remotely at their family business. I often find myself in a position of neediness in which I value their thoughts… (Show more)

I am with my wife's family daily during the pandemic, having dinner with them, and working remotely at their family business. I often find myself in a position of neediness in which I value their thoughts and wishes over mine, and feel like shit many days. I still want to help them often and have them know they can trust me, and maintain my own life's thoughts and wishes.

0

What does it all mean mark? What does it all fucking mean?

I’m high but I really do wanna know

1

How do you speed up making your brain quickly shake off when someone does something to you that is wrong?

"Wrongs" happen to each of us probably more than we realize. If someone causes you emotional harm, but you don't want to end the relationship with say a friend, work colleague, family member, stranger, institution, etc… (Show more)

"Wrongs" happen to each of us probably more than we realize. If someone causes you emotional harm, but you don't want to end the relationship with say a friend, work colleague, family member, stranger, institution, etc how do you make yourself quite dwelling for hours/days on the wrong?

2

How do I overcome the feeling of racial inadequacy in terms of dating?

<p>Hi Mark, Born in north Indian state of Punjab, I have been living in Melbourne Australia for past 4 years. Over the years I encountered racist people on many occasions, people honked at me, gave me… (Show more)

<p>Hi Mark,
Born in north Indian state of Punjab, I have been living in Melbourne Australia for past 4 years. Over the years I encountered racist people on many occasions, people honked at me, gave me middle fingers, when I used to stand on the road to catch the bus home. Similar things happened when I walked on the street going to station or shopping. People popping their head out and yelling at me was a common occurence, happening once every few weeks.<br />
I was born in a Sikh family, so I used to have a turban on my head, which I consider the reason for people behaving that way. However, I became an agnostic so stopped tying my turban last year. Having changed and using car for going to work meant that I no longer need to walk on the streets as much. So the incidents haven't happened for a while now.<br />
The whole experience gave me severe social anxiety and I stopped going out of my room, I couldn't stand in front of house and had a strong urge to hide away in case people could see me.<br />
It took me a while to deal with it, fortunately I have recovered a lot. But one thing I have been struggling with is feeling of being racially inadequate for dating a white or an Asian girl.<br />
It has also hampered my communication with women.<br />
I just freeze or go blank when trying to communicate and experience an intense feeling of being judged racially.<br />
How do I cope with this feeling and start trusting myself and other people again?<br />
Thank you Mark :)</p>

1

Should the wife of a cheater be told that her husband is being unfaithful?

1

Do you have a preference for audiobooks/kindle/physical books for reading? Does this answer change if you're reading fiction for pleasure as opposed to learning through non-fiction?

0

Mark, I hate when people I am attracted to reply slowly to me. It makes me feel like it is my fault.

I have tried to reply faster straight after, but then they reply slow again. Then I get very emotional. If I reply slowly, then it feels like a game. You know what I mean, Mark. You… (Show more)

I have tried to reply faster straight after, but then they reply slow again. Then I get very emotional. If I reply slowly, then it feels like a game. You know what I mean, Mark. You wrote the book on dating, man. I do understand that my friends are also busy and I should respect that but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like I do shit in online conversations with girls I like.

What should I do about it?

1

How do you change your values if your feelings get in the way?

I know I grossly over value romantic love but don't know how to place other values - like trust and respect- above it. My feelings always overwhelm everything else.

1

How to actually FEEL like I don’t give a fuck and not just THINK it?

I intellectually understand mark’s wonderful theories, but sometimes in my gut I struggle to feel it. It’s like my intellect is rationally explaining away anxiety, but my little fragile ego and soul is still a slave… (Show more)

I intellectually understand mark’s wonderful theories, but sometimes in my gut I struggle to feel it. It’s like my intellect is rationally explaining away anxiety, but my little fragile ego and soul is still a slave to anxiety and other peoples judgements!

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