Ask Me Anything

Below are questions that have been submitted for me to answer. Logged in members can upvote any question by clicking the up arrow next to it. Every few months I’ll pick some of the most upvoted questions (as well as some other questions I think are particularly good) and answer them in one of my Ask Me Anything videos.

Site members can go here to submit a question. If you’re not a member, you can learn more about the membership here.

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Is it possible to ‘kill’ my hot-temper?

I have a hot temper, got it from my dad. I am 43, very much capable op making my own decisions and taking my own responsibility and yet I have not been able to soften this… (Show more)

I have a hot temper, got it from my dad. I am 43, very much capable op making my own decisions and taking my own responsibility and yet I have not been able to soften this hot-tempered side of my personality. I don’t like this side of me, but more importantly, my husband and our children are not particularly fond of my sometimes ‘passionate’ way to deal with frustration/anger/irritation/. Yet, I cannot seem to figure out how to not get so angry, sometimes. I want to learn how to deal with it so that I do not pass this trait on to our children. Thank you!

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Why can’t I keep close friendships?

Hi! So I’m a 36 year old female. People tell me I’m charming and a nice person. Although once I begins a relationship (friendship) with someone it always fizzles out. Either they stop calling or I… (Show more)

Hi! So I’m a 36 year old female. People tell me I’m charming and a nice person. Although once I begins a relationship (friendship) with someone it always fizzles out. Either they stop calling or I feel like they’re not worth my time and energy. Why does this always happen and why do I constantly feel like I can’t give what people need?

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I’ve just watched your latest YouTube video explaining The 4 Stages of Life. What do you do if you and your partner are in different stages?

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and he is 5 years older than me (I’m 31 and he is 36). I am in Stage 3 but he is in Stage 2. Do… (Show more)

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and he is 5 years older than me (I’m 31 and he is 36). I am in Stage 3 but he is in Stage 2. Do I simply wait until he reaches Stage 3? I’ve been ready for commitment for a couple of years but he still isn’t.

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How can I improve on identifying when the pain from my childhood and past relationships is affecting how I approach new relationships?

For as long as I can remember, my childhood was filled with alcoholism, violence, distrust and pain. Whilst my dad was immersed in his work, mum showed us love... however all we ever observed was the… (Show more)

For as long as I can remember, my childhood was filled with alcoholism, violence, distrust and pain. Whilst my dad was immersed in his work, mum showed us love... however all we ever observed was the heartache between our parents, which eventually tore our family a part. As a result of the split, us kids were blamed for a lot of the downhill spiralling. It’s been a long road attempting to understand it all, and while I feel as though I’ve accepted what we went through I worry that it impacts how I approach my relationships in the present.

I understand that we all face adversity, and I like to embrace my past pain finding ways to learn from it. I am driven, I am motivated and generally accepting of who I am. But I still feel as though the pain creeps in subconsciously affecting the way I approach my current romantic relationships, as well as my self respect.

I find myself falling for guys who are uncertain, uncommitted and struggle to express emotion - why do I do this! I feel like It’s a challenge to my ego or something.. like I have to prove to someone that I am worthy of their love... some shit like that. I also find myself talking a lot about how my family experience growing up has affected me and helped me to grow as a person, I see it as a positive thing now... but I feel like it’s maybe not so healthy... like it controls me more than I realise. Especially when little things happen involving my family now, it affects me more than it should. I don’t want it to define me but I don’t know how I should feel about it, wether I should move on, forget about it and just shut up or if it’s a good thing to be open about it. I know there’s a line, I don’t want to play the victim but it is a big part of who I am today and my strength/resilience as a person. But I also find that because of it I have a need for a supportive, comforting and emotionally mature person, emotional needs that I potentially need to improve on within myself first. I just don’t know how. Haha thanks for reading.

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Is common sense becoming a lost art?

Mark is it me or is common sense on the decline and delusion on the incline. My coworkers always seem to have me questioning how they are surviving in this world with so little common sense.

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¿Can you recommend me an article about hitting rock bottom?

I know that you have one but I can’t find it, btw, the app is really cool!

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How do I decipher if I’m extremely comfortable in my long-term relationship or just bored?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. First few years were long-distance and not the easiest, healthiest relationship. But we’ve worked through it since and have been strong ever since. Working towards… (Show more)

My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. First few years were long-distance and not the easiest, healthiest relationship. But we’ve worked through it since and have been strong ever since. Working towards buying a house together and getting hitched in a few years (were in no rush as we’re both 25 and have our own goals and ambitions for life).
I love him with all my heart, we joke and laugh all the time, I trust him. After coming from the not so great relationships before him and my childhood trauma, I feel comfortable and safe. But another part of me wonders, am I bored or is that my traumatic past not used to having a healthy relationship?

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Why are people so easily offended these days?

I mean I get there are some things that people should be offended by - say sexual harassment, anything of discriminatory nature, unequal pay etc. I am not white so no white privilege applies to me,… (Show more)

I mean I get there are some things that people should be offended by - say sexual harassment, anything of discriminatory nature, unequal pay etc. I am not white so no white privilege applies to me, and of course I have been subjected to discrimination, which no doubt sucks.

The intent is very important to me, if someone tells me to go back to my country, or whatever insult it is, in a mean-spirited way then of course I am offended. But if it’s said to be as a joke with no ill intent I’m completely fine and laugh along. It doesn’t matter to me if the person saying it isn’t of my race background, as long as it was done in good faith. It’s like using derogatory terms to call a friend is actually a true sign of friendship - like my friends might call me ‘bitch’ as an affectionate term,
it’s not just so one-dimensional: ‘bitch’ has to be a derogatory word so if I don’t find it offensive then I have a problem.

I find some people take it way too far that we can’t even make a joke anymore without people taking offence. If anything, I find the climate just makes people more closeted about their prejudices, it doesn’t change them, and that’s worse for me. If it’s out in the open at least I know what I’m dealing with and choose to cut that person/group out of my life. And it makes me (supposedly the ‘oppressed’) feel like I’m some snowflake that needs to be protected, that makes me feel even smaller.

In the ideal world, there would be no prejudice and everyone can respect each other in the land of rainbow and unicorns, but it’s not and I just don’t feel being offended by everything and being PC in everything we say is the answer.

Am I being too ignorant?

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What is the best advice you can give to the single people out there in this pandemic clusterfuck with the temptations to be on every app?

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Have you heard of #killallmen2020? if so what is your opinion on it?

It is a trend that is going around with teenager feminists and sjw

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How can you develop an unconditional mindset when you’ve never gotten out of adolescent conditional mindset?

Good morning mother fucker! I’m one of your biggest fans, gotta be. Your work has had a profound impact on my life. Curious, my current issue I need help with is switching from conditional love mindset… (Show more)

Good morning mother fucker! I’m one of your biggest fans, gotta be. Your work has had a profound impact on my life. Curious, my current issue I need help with is switching from conditional love mindset to unconditional. I have that adolescent mind set you spoke of in chapter 3 (I think) of subtle art book. I don’t know how to change it. Do you know of a resource I could look into?

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I’m in a great 3+ year relationship with my GF, however, I want to explore my sex life with other women. What would you do in my shoes?

My girlfriend and I meet each others needs, share interests, sense of humor, travel often, sex is good etc. We take care of each other and live together. However, I’ve felt for a long time this… (Show more)

My girlfriend and I meet each others needs, share interests, sense of humor, travel often, sex is good etc. We take care of each other and live together.
However, I’ve felt for a long time this want to experience intimacy and my sex life with other women. You could say I want to see who and what is out there and learn more about what I want ie. have sex with more/different women.
I feel happy and don’t want to imagine life right now without her, but I also can’t say I want to be with her the rest of my life.
She is my first serious relationship that we started when I was 22. I’m now 25, she is 31.

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Are you vegetarian or vegan?

Are you vegetarian or vegan?

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Should I end this relationship?

My needs aren’t being met. I am trying because we have great chemistry and he has some ptsd stuff going on. I think my logical brain knows it won’t last but I’m trying not to run… (Show more)

My needs aren’t being met. I am trying because we have great chemistry and he has some ptsd stuff going on. I think my logical brain knows it won’t last but I’m trying not to run away. But that’s probably my chimp brain Gerry talking.

0

I struggle with overcoming certain addictions, alcohol and marijuana, mainly due to my anxiety and depression, do you have advice for this?

I don’t know if I could be considered a true addict but sometimes the only way I can get relief depaite trying willingness and mindfulness, is by drinking or smoking. I know it’s not benefiting me,… (Show more)

I don’t know if I could be considered a true addict but sometimes the only way I can get relief depaite trying willingness and mindfulness, is by drinking or smoking. I know it’s not benefiting me, in any way, but I’m so scared to let go.

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How can I learn to trust again after being married and now in a new relationship ??

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How do I stop fearing people?

Ever since I was little I feared people I was bullied and was punished from my teachers for things I didn't commit Which made me fear people that they may hurt me in one way or… (Show more)

Ever since I was little I feared people I was bullied and was punished from my teachers for things I didn't commit
Which made me fear people that they may hurt me in one way or another, which also lead to self steem issues
My mom is also one of the people i fear She is the kind of a person that it's lhard to be reasoned with, I'm engaged and evething I do is because of the fear of her, even my relation with my fiancee I force my self to do things just to satisfy her like staying in this relationship thought I don't love him, and that for her if I ended this I'm going to end up with a jerk because the one I'm with is a good opportunity and a good person and because I'm 31 so this is too late for me
Iam Female from Egypt
and yeah we have a lot of this kind of thoughts among us
Arabian women

0

Have you read much about Adlerian Psychology? If so, what are your thoughts on it?

1

Can you give me a practical, step-by-step guideline on how to write a suspense novel?

1

What is a healthy relationship to have with my teenage children who live with their mom full-time?

I'm divorced. My oldest is in college and my 2 others live with their mom. She relocated them out of state with her, which made it much more expensive and thus more difficult to see my… (Show more)

I'm divorced. My oldest is in college and my 2 others live with their mom. She relocated them out of state with her, which made it much more expensive and thus more difficult to see my children. They have a new house, new family, and have started a new life. Lately, I've realized that I'm struggling with my current relationships with friends, significant others, dates, and my own siblings because (I believe) I'm down right bummed out about not having a "family" anymore, no more kids (they don't feel like my own anymore), and left behind. If I move on with creating my own life, I feel like I'm leaving them behind, so I feel stuck. I'm not sure how to maintain a healthy relationship with my children.

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Doing magic when meeting people is a big 'no-no' in your book. It's needy. In my case I am a mentalist, though. So should I use it to meet people? Should I use it later in the interaction or not at all? And, yes, I'm serious.

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What will happen when society can't know what's real and who to trust?

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Do most people learn from (or even just regret) hurting others?

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Is really doing boring shit together...taking steps to ensure a happy and healthy relationship?

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Is my male best friend damaging the potential to have a healthy relationship?

I'm currently 28 and have begun dating again after 2 years out of my first relationship that ended with a restraining order, slashed tyres and cancelled tickets to Fiji (not even kidding). I believe my male… (Show more)

I'm currently 28 and have begun dating again after 2 years out of my first relationship that ended with a restraining order, slashed tyres and cancelled tickets to Fiji (not even kidding). I believe my male best friend of 10 years caused a rift in the relationship, and when I was single he would consistently guilt trip me when I spoke to or attempted to date other guys. My question is, should I just endure the guilt and date whoever I want or alternatively, cut contact with him briefly to see if my current dating life and relationships improve?

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