Why You’re Not Motivated

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    96 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

    Two things for you to think about

    Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something.

    “Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work.”

    – Chuck Close

    Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

    Two things for you to ask yourself

    What have you been putting off by waiting for inspiration? What can you do to create inspiration instead?

    Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

    One thing for you to try this week

    Do one thing that builds inspiration for yourself. Let me know how it goes.

    Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs. Reply to this email and let me know how it went for you.

    New This Week

    The Blue Dot Effect: Why Things Always Seem Worse Than They Are – Have you ever wondered why, despite everything seemingly going well, you still feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction? Well, you’re not alone. This is actually a fascinating psychological phenomenon I call “The Blue Dot Effect”. It’s all about how our brains can trick us into seeing problems and negativity even when everything around us is getting better.

    Join me and Drew as we unpack this curious effect and explore how it impacts our everyday lives. From the way we perceive our personal achievements to our overall happiness, the Blue Dot Effect plays a sneaky role in shaping our mindset.

    Last week’s breakthroughs

    In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop wasting time trying to help people who don’t actually want it.

    Caroline realized this is what she’s been doing with her sister:

    Holy sh*t, Mark Manson. Such a simple statement and you provided the answer to why I’ve been so frustrated with my sister. No one gets through life without troubles. Without trauma.

    But there comes a point when you have to move the f*ck on. We both grew up in the same dysfunctional sh*t show, but she is like a prisoner sitting in a jail cell with the door wide open. She does ask for help, but when anyone tries to help her she turns her head, puts out a deflective hand and says, “That won’t help. You don’t understand.”

    The thing is I do understand. I have found help. I have moved on. I get it now. She just wants to be seen. She just wants to be acknowledged. She just wants attention. From now on I will do those things with a different attitude, and no longer waste my time by trying to help.

    Helen learned an important lesson trying to help with her brother’s bad marriage:

    My brother has been in a volatile marriage for the past six years.

    Over the years I’ve tried to communicate the value of standing up for himself, but to no avail. I’ve come to the realization that nothing will change unless he wants it to—and for whatever reason he doesn’t—and all our conversations do is take up time and make me sad.

    I’ve accepted that he’s the only one who can change things so his calls don’t upset me as much as they used to, but I do agree that they’re a waste of time. I’m trying to balance being there for him with not getting pulled into this drama any longer as it’s not productive for either one of us. He does just want attention, validation and comfort, but the cost of my time and peace of mind.

    And an anonymous reader found that they were on both sides of the asking for/giving advice when it wasn’t really wanted in a relationship:

    Your email helped me understand more fully why my previous relationship didn’t work. I would tell my partner about things that bothered me about our relationship, and he would say, “I will do better, but I just need you to show me how.” But he met everything I suggested with resistance, and I would get exhausted and disappointed and break up with him, only to return because I didn’t want to give up hope. Meanwhile, he went through a lot of emotional turmoil because he could never know whether I was staying or leaving.

    It was a typical toxic relationship dynamic, and I think of everyone in my life who called it out for what it was when I would complain about things and how I didn’t take their advice anymore than my partner took mine. I was just venting. In the end, I had to figure things out with the help of my therapist, and I’m still working on healthier habits now even though the urge to “fix” or “help” others is strong. I can see now that this impulse comes out of a desire to receive validation from others and feel important, and I need to learn to value myself for other reasons besides how “helpful” I am.

    As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

    Until next week,

    Mark Manson

    #1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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