This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

91 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

Worrying is a cheap replacement for caring. Complaining is a cheap replacement for fixing. Outrage is a cheap replacement for supporting.

It’s easy to tear down. It’s much harder to build up.

Two things for you to ask yourself

Where I grew up, we used to say someone was, “All sizzle, no steak.” It meant they made a lot of noise but never actually did anything. Are you all sizzle and no steak? If so, why?

One thing for you to try this week

Try being constructive towards a problem you’ve made a lot of fuss but failed to do anything about. See how much further that gets you. Then let me know how it goes.

New This Week

Life Is a Video Game, Here are the Cheat Codes – The concept of life as a game is a useful analogy in many ways—there are ways to progress and ways to get sent back to the start. There are places where we get stuck and places where we can jump ahead. As a lifelong gamer, I had a lot of fun making this video, and ultimately, I think the conclusions here are quite profound. Enjoy.

5 Ways to Be Self-Disciplined Without Making Yourself Miserable – We often think self-discipline requires a lot of pain and sacrifice—but reality is a lot more boring. In this latest podcast episode, Drew and I argue that real change comes from setting up your environment for success, not grinding through endless struggle. We explore the hidden dangers of romanticizing pain, why true self-discipline is more about boring consistency than epic feats of endurance, and a whole lot more. If you’re ready to stop punishing yourself and start seeing lasting change, you won’t want to miss this. Check it out.

Planning Is a Cheap Replacement for Doing

If you’re planning to come to my tour and still haven’t bought your tickets, well… what the hell are you waiting for?

This November, I’m going to be on stage in Australia and New Zealand, sharing unsavory jokes and life advice that doesn’t suck. There will be laughs—maybe tears—but definitely breakthroughs in a room full of people who want to get their act together, just like you.

I’ve prepared a few surprises, and there will be chances for Q&A and meet and greets. If you’re around or have always wanted a reason to travel down under, now’s your chance. Grab your tickets while they last at the button below, and see you in November.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I subjected you to the worst metaphor for life you’ve ever read, then asked you to, err, wear clothes. Apart from one reader who got confused and found themselves naked in the back of the police car (they were kidding… I hope), you all had a good laugh, and many took my metaphor to heart.

Lara is discarding an outfit that doesn’t fit:

Your clothing metaphor was very apt—I have spent the past five years trying to fit into a career that felt uncomfortable.

Was I good at it? Yes—the most successful start they had ever had, bringing in over 3/4 million in sales my first full year. I make ‘good’ money, but it is a position that spills over into my personal time, my family life, and has no boundaries. I constantly feel like I am trying to be someone I am not—a performer in someone else’s clothes.

So here is me, shrugging off the ill-fitting suit, and stepping back into my clothes… back into me. I have restarted my side business which is growing like wildfire, and found a remote job which fits neatly into my family and time needs. I am handing in my two-week notice at my career job, and have never felt more free!

Long-time reader Martin was prompted to reply for the first time:

Your ‘bad metaphor’ is exactly what I needed. The past couple of years I’ve been trying to be goal-oriented, and it served me well. Of course, I still haven’t achieved everything I wanted to achieve in life, but I’m in a much better place physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually than I was ten years ago.

Having goals served me well, but I’m now at a place where I want to focus more on the process of things than on achieving them. Also, the goals I have now are either very long-term or not really quantifiable. So the past few months I was struggling to figure out how to keep this goal-oriented mentality.

Your bad clothes metaphor was like a light switch: using goals was an advice that served me well, but now I will put it aside and use another advice: ‘Process is more important than success.’

Finally, a reader volunteered to take my metaphor even further:

I have a funny clothes metaphor to add!

It builds on the idea of needing different looks and clothes as you grow up. So maybe you were a punk/emo as a teenager and now you want to be professional. Or more colorful—it doesn’t matter, you’re ready to change your look.

You’ve outgrown your old clothes, they don’t fit or look right anymore. You might even have chosen the outfit you’re putting on next.

However, in between the old outfit you no longer want to wear, and the new outfit you’re ready to try on—you’ve got to be naked! In Spanish we say ‘en bolas’ which means balls out but is a metaphor around being vulnerable, underprepared and embarrassed. It’s a bit like the story of the bird that breaks its beak to grow a bigger one: you can’t change outfits without being naked and vulnerable in the intermediate phase!

Okay, okay… we can take the metaphor even further by adding this: not every outfit is right for every area of your life. You have your date night outfits, your work outfits, your hang-out-at-home outfits, etc. Like clothing, only the most fundamental advice will apply across all contexts.

And that advice is called… underwear.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website — My Books — My YouTube Channel