Nobody Has It All Figured Out

19 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

Every confident person still feels insecure.
Every successful person still fails.
Every happy person still struggles.

Don’t mistake outside appearances for internal realities.

Three things for you to ask yourself

Do you have unrealistic expectations for yourself? What if you decided that your struggles were normal and okay? What would that feel like?

One thing for you to try this week

Drop an unreasonable expectation you’ve had for yourself. Let me know how it goes.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I pointed out how the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know, then asked you to go learn something that makes you feel less like an expert.

This is the dilemma Jason has been grappling with:

I work in a very technical field where you are expected to be an ‘expert’ on all code-related questions and issues. The problem is the codes are always changing. Every 3-5 years there’s a new version of one of them.

I used to pride myself on having the answers and I would stress a lot over trying to achieve the ultimate knowledge in this field so I would feel like I fit in with the elite. Very ego driven for many years.

There is nothing more humbling than going through a stint where a majority of your projects are returned to you and marked as ‘not approved.’ It’s even more humbling when they note how you’re incorrect and actually note the code sections where the correct information is. My ego balloon exploded and the customers were not happy in the schedule delays that happened because of reworking things multiple times. Needless to say my confidence took a major hit and caused me to accept my non-elite status and be OK with that.

I will admit I feel a lot less stressed and also don’t have a problem telling customers things will take a little longer so it will be correct the first time. Double checking areas you’re doubting yourself in to avoid a future pitfall is never a bad thing in my mind…. now.

BN shared two areas where they’ve felt like an expert—and not:

Over the past few days I’ve been battling with my bachelor’s thesis. At first, the topic seemed so good and interesting—and it still is—but it’s also complicated. The more studies and articles I read, the more confused I become. Just when I think I finally understand something, I discover another aspect I’d never heard of and feel I have to start all over again. It’s truly frustrating, and I can’t wait until it’s finished.

On the other side, I recently took up running—great decision, by the way. After watching a few running-related videos on YouTube and chatting with an AI, I created my own 12-week training plan for a half-marathon and thought it was the best possible plan for me. Guess what? I got injured after about four weeks. I realized I’d overestimated my abilities and my knowledge of long-distance training. Still, I eventually managed to run my half-marathon, and it was both an enjoyable and humbling experience. I’ll definitely sign up for another race sometime.

Finally, Joe has freed himself from the self-improvement rabbit hole:

I recently had a mini breakthrough after going far enough down the self-improvement rabbit hole that I ended up in the ‘why self-improvement is actually doing the opposite’ end of the spectrum.

I consume a lot of content on YouTube, too much admittedly, and a lot of it isn’t good for me even though it’s under the guise of ‘productivity’ or ‘self-improvement.’ I came across a few videos, including yours from a while back titled ‘Why Self-Help Books Are Overrated’, and it made me realize one trap that I’ve fallen into: the more introspection I do, the more ‘self-improvement’ I do, the more I seem to find out that’s wrong with me. I’m not someone that has or has had a history with mental health issues (which I am very grateful for) but just needs a metaphorical ‘kick up the ass’ from time to time, and obsessing over ‘self-improvement’ actually prevents me from the main thing: actually living life.

That is why I appreciate your content for what it is.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast