Are You Feeling Overwhelmed?

51 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

When you choose what to watch or read, you are choosing your future thoughts and perspectives. Consume what you’d like to become.

What if the answer to improving your life isn’t to know more?
What if the answer is focusing on less?

Two things for you to ask yourself

How is the information you’re consuming altering who you are? Do you like that person?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop consuming one thing that’s making you feel less like yourself. Let me know how it goes.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop chasing happiness in one area of your life.

JP’s breakthrough dovetails with this week’s topic of choosing what to consume:

I stopped chasing happiness a long time ago.

I have good days, I have bad days, but overall I have everything I need to be happy—not chasing happiness.

The happiness trap is to watch ads, where you’re always tempted (desires) for more (bigger car, bigger house, latest indispensable of the month…). Yes, I feel from time to time the desire for something, it even comes like a craving. I let it come, I watch it, I play with it (usually researching the ‘thing’ I am craving), then I let go of it (the craving always fades).

I’ve been increasingly enjoying my life since cutting all television, and the never-ending onslaught of ‘desires’ being presented, then the news making me anxious about the state of the world.

Alissa found her path to happiness:

This week’s topic on trying hard to find happiness relates to many things in my life right now.

Happiness seems to be the end goal for everything in life, if we are truly honest. We might call it ‘peace’ or something else, but regardless of what we call it, we all want to live in a world where we exist happily. I’m at a moment in time where I’m being led to let go of things that don’t work for me: people pleasing and giving my inner authority away. I know the version of me that no longer works, and I’m shedding it, but there’s more patterns to break that will be uncomfortable, more people that will have to come to terms with a new version of me. It’s hard work.

The end goal? Peace, joy, love—happiness. The vehicle to this end goal is not what we’ve been told, though—it’s not through trying harder, working harder, being better—the vehicle to true happiness is letting go of all the stuff that doesn’t work, that doesn’t honor ourselves. The vehicle to this place of inner happiness is through processing the grief, pain and hard emotions that physically hurt to feel. It’s a labor of love, but it’s the path I want to go on.

And even better than that? I don’t think it’s an ‘end’ goal, I think it’s something that will evolve for all time, so we can all just let go of arriving at the finish line and enjoy the ride, and enjoy the happiness as it finds us. Sending love and happiness to everyone!

Finally, in my online membership, I asked members to share how they found happiness in their lives. Here’s Jennifer:

I thought about this for quite a while. Nothing came to mind, but I thought about how I dealt with things in childhood and some stuff started coming up.

As a child, my home life wasn’t an emotionally safe place, so I spent time away to help me feel better. When I first got a bike, I rode all over town all day. When I first got a car, I was constantly on the go. I see now this was a coping mechanism to distract me from the reality that I could not change. It didn’t bring happiness, just reinforced that running from problems shielded me from pain.

In contrast, when I went through a heartbreaking and harrowing divorce in my early 30s, I sought counseling to help me navigate. I wanted to face the issue head on, no running away. My therapist offered antidepressants, but I was quick to tell him no. I said: ‘This is the most painful situation I’ve experienced in my life. But I *need* to feel this pain, because I never want to be in this situation ever again! I don’t want to forget what I’m going through.’

We learn by being burned, and the memory of this pain taught me how to make better decisions. I owed that to myself and my young daughter.

Instead of seeking happiness, I used the pain of life’s consequences to develop self-discipline, and as a result created contentment in my life. I accepted the situation and allowed the loneliness, sadness, anger, and fear to inform me. I rode the waves and I’m better for it.

I stayed single for five years after that and just worked on myself. I was a single parent to a toddler, but I had the emotional support and love from family, friends, and a church community. It was the hardest five years of my life, but I gained maturity and self-discipline. When I was ready to find a healthy relationship, I met and married a wonderful man. We have been married for almost 17 years! He has also been an incredible stepfather to my child who is now a thriving adult.

I would’ve missed out on that if I had sought happiness, avoided pain, and not done the work.

Every day, members of my online membership get a prompt to reflect on their life and share what they learn with the rest of the community. Jennifer’s story above moved a member to tears and inspired another to take responsibility for their life instead of the easy way out. Honestly, I cannot be prouder of this community we’ve built. There are over a thousand of us, and every single one is committed to being a little bit better every day—while also helping others reach their goals.

If you want to join us, we’d love to have you. We’re ten days into our Happiness, Solved Course, and already we’re seeing incredible success stories and insights like Jennifer’s. Learn more or join us here.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast