More Choice, More Happiness?

61 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

One thing for you to think about

The happiest people are not the ones with the most options, but the ones who are most satisfied with their choices.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What choices did you make that you keep questioning? How can you make peace with them?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop questioning a past choice and focus instead on one you have no doubts about. Let me know how it goes.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop defining yourself in a way that hurts you.

Here are some of your self-definitions that are changing:

I’m single. Not ‘I’m divorced.’

How lovely that would be if it became the usual way I describe and think about myself.

One month ago I had a wrist fracture due to lifting heavy weights. And I blamed myself for the mistake. I thought of myself as a four–year-old who didn’t know the difference between weights.

But today’s newsletter helped me make a breakthrough.

I did something about five or six years ago to a friend that I am not proud of…

For some reason it pops up in my head at the weirdest times and I feel ashamed of my behavior. She has forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself!

But I will use this as my mantra… ‘I did a bad thing, I’m not a bad person.’

– Robyn

Thanks for this message about reframing. I’ve been laid off for months and feel as if I blew a recent contractor gig because I failed to perform perfectly and didn’t really ask enough process questions. It’s remarkably easy to pound myself some more.

Kindness is scarce in this world; know I am grateful for yours.

– Matthew

Over in my Solved Membership community, members spent August redefining their relationship with happiness. Here’s Helen:

I think Happiness Month has been the most impactful so far, for me. It’s led to more changes in my daily life and I also just feel better for it—more present, grateful and generally more upbeat about my current situation and future possibilities. I’ve said goodbye to ‘I’ll be happy when X…’ and realized how important gratitude is for acceptance of the here and now. It’s something I did occasionally by naming 20 things, but now it’s daily, focusing on one thing.

Previously I had taken responsibility for my own happiness—finally, following years of blaming others/circumstances—but then felt terrible most of the time because I wasn’t happy. Knowing my natural baseline and knowing it’s not actually likely I’ll be happy all the time, have freed me from my mental prison.

I’m even in the middle of applying for a new job, which I don’t think I would have done had I seen it a month ago.

Thank you all ye fellow Happiness Month travelers and also Team Mark, of course.

If you’d like a daily structure and community support to redefine aspects of your life that have been holding you back, my online community The Solved Membership might be for you. Daily action prompts, practical tips, and genuine encouragement from a thousand others working on the same issues, right alongside you.

So far, we’ve tackled Values, Procrastination, Emotions, and Happiness. This month, we’re working on that emotion we all feel but no one wants to talk about: Shame. Learn more or join The Solved Membership here.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast