It’s Not Failing You Fear

57 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

You’re not afraid of failing. You’re afraid of being seen failing.

Most people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing, and your loudest critics are probably too scared to try.

What are you so worried about?

Two things for you to ask yourself

What are you putting off because you don’t want to be seen failing? What is it, really, that you fear?

One thing for you to try this week

Do one thing you’re afraid to fail at. Let me know how it goes.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to invest in one thing no one can take away.

Our first reader is doubling down on self-improvement:

My partner and I are really struggling at the moment. It seems as though any communication we have immediately ends in an argument or one person feeling bruised about what the other one said.

I’ve been in therapy since I was 13 and I’m now 32. I’m very aware of my past conditioning and my baggage but my partner has never been in therapy. He is 36. He has grown up in a completely different type of dysfunctional household to mine. They keep all their stuff in, whereas we air all of ours out—neither is right or wrong, just simply different.

I asked us to go and see a couples counselor to try and rectify some of our communication issues, but he doesn’t want to. He did however agree to join the initial 10-minute call and proceeded to text the whole way through it. After the call he said, ‘All you ever do is spend money on bettering yourself’ and then I opened my inbox and saw your email. It was perfect timing.

No amount of shaming me on working on my stuff from my partner or anyone else will ever take away the years of commitment and tireless effort to want to be a better person. Just as I felt like leaving him and this new life I have created for myself in Australia where I have moved for him, I am reminded that even without him, this is my journey and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Thank you for reminding me that no matter what anyone says, I am enough just as I am.

While our next reader pulled back from work to invest in their relationship:

This week your email hit home and helped me to stop second-guessing a recent decision.

Last year my husband was diagnosed with early-onset Lewy Body Dementia with parkinsonism. For the past year I’ve continued to work along with doing everything at home. It was constant stress and worry, as well as guilt for leaving him home alone while at work.

Fortunately, we can afford for me to stay home, although it will be tight. I’ve worked full-time since I was 17 years old and was reluctant to give up my salary and financial independence. I finally decided that my time and energy is better invested in both of us having a better quality of life for the time that he has remaining. I can keep him more active and we can spend more time with friends and family, which is 100 times better than being able to buy material things that we don’t really need.

This is my second week off work and I’m somewhat floundering, hence the second-guessing. Your email reminded me that I made the right decision and I just need to invest in our health and find joy where we can each day.

Finally, I asked members of my online community what their biggest takeaway from August’s Happiness, Solved Course was, and for Gabriela, it was living in alignment with her values and practicing gratitude—both things no one can take away.

A takeaway for me this month is that my goal was never to optimize for happiness but to live a life as close to my values as I can.

It reminded me of the importance of prioritizing my physical health, being with people who enhance my life and finding ways to show up that feel meaningful in work but also in everyday, mundane actions.

The gratitude practice surprised me. For the last ten days or so, I catch myself feeling grateful at random times of the day, for a wide variety of things, people and circumstances. The feeling just shows up and it connects me to the present moment.

Overall, I think this month is where I began to feel the biggest shifts in my life, both mentally and in my physical experience. I don’t think it’s necessarily because of the topic of happiness exclusively, but because it’s been almost four months since I joined The Solved Membership and getting to reflect on different aspects of my life daily has allowed me to stay more focused on what I envision for my life, as opposed to being stuck in the past.

If you’d love to experience the kind of shifts that have made Gabriela’s life better in just four months, you can learn more or join The Solved Membership here. I’d love to see you there.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast – My Community