The Real Relationship You Can’t Live Without

43 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Today, a thought experiment

Imagine this: You’re single. Forever.

Now imagine this: You have no friends. Forever.

Many of us misinterpret our need for strong friendships as a need for a romantic relationship.

You can be happy without a partner. You cannot be happy without friends.

Two things for you to ask yourself

Do you prioritize romance over friendships? How can you give more attention to your friends?

One thing for you to try this week

Do something nice with or for a friend this week. Let me know how it goes.

New Podcast: Friendship, Solved

Friendship is the most important thing nobody talks about. In this episode of the Solved podcast, Drew and I dig into what makes friendships work, why they fall apart, and why so many of us are struggling to build or keep them as we get older. We’re talking loneliness stats, Darwin’s confusion about cooperation, and the deep emotional mechanics behind being a good friend—and finding one.

From ancient philosophy to game theory, we break down why friendship isn’t just some social nicety—it’s a biological survival strategy. Plus: the modern forces slowly strangling our ability to connect, and exactly what to do about it. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of what real friendship looks like, how to build it, and how to stop shooting yourself in the foot every time you try.

Listen to Friendship, Solved

Free Guide: How to Make Real Friends

If the Friendship, Solved podcast episode isn’t enough, or you just prefer to read, this companion guide was made for you.

In it, you’ll learn exactly why making friends feels so damn hard these days (no, it’s not just you) and what you can do about it.

Because friendships matter a whole lot more than we tend to credit them for. When it comes to health, happiness, and even how long you live, friendship could be the single variable that predicts your future. Like a magic 8-ball for your life.
Social bonds reduce stress hormones, improve immune function, and generally buffer you against feeling like total crap.

So, isn’t it time we get more intentional about friendship? I think so, and that’s what I made this guide to help you do. And no, you’re not too old, too busy, or too weird to make real, meaningful friendships starting today—but you do need to get over how awkward it is and also click the link below.

Download the Friendship, Solved Guide for free and make better friends

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to accept the emotion behind your procrastination, and see if that makes starting easier.

Hong says my prompt “couldn’t have come at a better time:”

I recently faced a major public speaking challenge. As a kid, public speaking never fazed me, but once I started my professional career, it became a source of intense anxiety. I became an expert at dodging presentations: calling in ‘sick’ or conveniently taking days off whenever I was scheduled to speak. That changed last week when I was chosen for a panel presentation. I was the only one with deep knowledge of our business area, so there was no escaping it. I considered every possible excuse, but before I knew it, I was on the agenda. Forced to confront my fear, I realized it was rooted in imposter syndrome—a feeling that I didn’t belong, made worse by years of avoiding these situations. Ironically, my attempts to dodge public speaking only made the anxiety worse. Determined to break the cycle, I spent days preparing and rehearsing. When the moment came, I delivered a strong presentation. The real breakthrough was shifting my mindset: instead of worrying about being judged, I focused on sharing valuable insights with the audience. That perspective made all the difference.

While Robert in our Solved Membership community, where we’ve been working together to tackle procrastination, named the emotions behind his procrastination:

I noticed that guilt and shame probably play a bigger part in my issues with procrastination than I thought. Beating myself up doesn’t help with doing whatever I’ve been avoiding. I know my self-talk is something I’ve needed to work on for a while and I really need to challenge the belief that there is something wrong with me and/or my brain that makes it so difficult for me to get things done.

For Shellie, another member of our community, her procrastination is rooted in a belief, rather than an emotion:

I’m ready to challenge the belief that if I don’t get it done when and how I wanted, that it’s an automatic failure. Tomorrow is a new day. The research I did is still there and still valid and can be used tomorrow. This is not to say ‘put it off until tomorrow’ but instead, ‘I dropped the ball today, but I can try again tomorrow to get it done.’ I guess that’s calming the perfectionistic part of procrastination.

Finally, in a breakthrough that leads them straight to the theme of this newsletter, our last reader doesn’t struggle with procrastination, but a lack of joy:

I get stuff done. I am good at that. The rule is ‘three things’ every day. Reality is a list, often long. There are chores, things I do for my health, things I do for others, work of course, and stuff that’s supposed to be fun as well. It keeps me going. It creates an illusion of progress and advancement. It keeps my world from falling apart.

I still procrastinate on many tasks, then do them eventually. There is little satisfaction and no joy, just a mild sense of relief that something is now out of the way, making room for The Next Thing.

I used to be a lot more depressed and haunted by panic attacks, but also remember bursts of laughter and stretches of enjoyment. Now I am… flat.

I rarely drink, I eat well, I exercise, I sleep, I don’t do drugs, and I am not on medication because the side effects are unacceptable. I suspect that ‘flat’ might be my default state, the state I fall into when I am not overstimulated in either direction, the state after I’ve stopped running, have accomplished most of what I set out to do in life.

And I am disappointed. That’s it?

I’ve learned that we have the capacity to generate joy, and sometimes, when I take a break from getting stuff done, I feel a hint of it. Another source is spending time with joyful people, because joy is contagious.

Now that I wrote this, it seems that choosing who to spend time with could be a key.

I have a friend who once told me that she chooses to spend time with people that uplift her, that share her joy. She is joyful—and her life is not easier or harder than mine, just different.

I’ve always seen myself as a loner, incapable of living with other people, finding it hard to make friends, impossible to be casually social. But I am always enthusiastic, even joyful, when I learn something new together with other people. Maybe being in school is my happy place?

Just the thought is making me smile. And as a bonus, this is something I have control over. Time to sign up for a class.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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