The Happiness Trap

0 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Trying to be happy is like trying to fall asleep. Forcing it prevents it.

You don’t make it happen; you remove the impediments to it happening on its own.

If you stop chasing happiness for long enough, you will find it was there all along.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What do you tell yourself you need before you can be happy? What would happen if you stopped?

One thing for you to try this week

Pick one thing you’re convinced will make you happy. Stop chasing it for a week. Reply and tell me what you notice.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to pick an aspect of your life you might be taking for granted, and treat it as if it could disappear tomorrow.

Val found this a “brilliant exercise:”

I’m an international medical graduate from a small Eastern European country called Moldova. When I moved to the US, literally all I wanted was to finish my medical training and become a US-certified physician. And when I say it’s not easy for someone who finished med school outside of US, I reaaally freaking mean it. The day I found out I matched into my first-choice residency program was probably the happiest day of my life.

And here I am, four years later, questioning how a sane person goes into the medical field, and how anyone can do a good job, take the best care of their patients, and still get to have a fulfilling and balanced life outside of work. First year into my attending life, I’m nearing burnout so quickly it’s bedazzling.

But putting it through the perspective of potentially losing it all of a sudden, honestly, scares me to death. I truly can’t imagine not being able to practice medicine and advocate for those who can’t do it themselves, especially now, with such a faulty and unstable healthcare system. Guess I have to manage my time a little better.

Bethany is grateful for her recovery:

I am in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction and I am starting a local sober publication to promote and celebrate sobriety in my hometown. Here, drug and alcohol culture dominate. I want to change the narrative. I have been in fear about stepping out and making this dream a reality. I say, F*CK FEAR.

I was once hopelessly addicted to crack, shackled in bondage by the chains of addiction, lost in the wilderness. I once badly wanted my freedom. I am happy to report that I now have 17 months clean.

If my recovery disappeared tomorrow, and I chose to use again, I would be right back in that God-forsaken trap house—beset on all sides by evil men, begging God to get me out. Today, I am free. I am enjoying my second life with my soulmate, who I met in drug rehab of all places. And for the life God has given me, I am truly grateful.

Finally, this reader is choosing to cherish the time they once craved:

This newsletter hit hard. Why? Because I’m currently care-giving full-time for my frail, octogenarian mom whose health took a turn two weeks ago. Mom and I are buds—we bonded hard when I moved back in with her after we lost my dad at a young age. But for the past nine years, I’ve lived 4,600km away on the other side of Canada, and have only been able to visit her twice per year. When I’m in B.C., the scarcity I feel is quality in-person time with her, and right now, the scarcity I feel is the lack of personal time a person needs to stay balanced, plus missing my partner a lot and my loving dog. Mom has a palliative diagnosis, and while I had to stop working to care-give and can’t even squeeze in a shower most days, what’s meaningful to me is the time I get to spend that can’t be recreated once she’s gone.

Thanks for the reminder that I have what I’ve wanted badly for the past nine years, even if it’s under these circumstances.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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