Sorry to interrupt the Quake 3 match, but this is kind of important. And besides, you were probably going to win anyway.
Look, it's your future self -- 10 years in the future, to be exact. I'm writing this while watching a sunset on a beach in Turkey. Yes, THAT Turkey. Don't ask why; it's cooler than you think. In fact, most of the world is cooler than you think, but you'll discover this eventually.
I have some things I want to say. And look, some of it may be painful to hear, but it's for your own good. I know how much you hate to be lectured and scolded (oh, you rebel, you), and I know how squeamish you get with confrontation (you will get over this... mostly). But I'm here to help. And considering I'm you, there's no way you can claim you know better than me. So listen up.
First things first: cut the damn hair. It was cool for like ten minutes in 11th grade. I know the girls giggle and say you look like Johnny Depp from Blow, but sorry, you don't, and it's not like it'd help your …
Hey, sorry to interrupt…
I know you were reading that and getting all into it, but I’ve got to stop you here for a second. Because you seem to have somehow stumbled onto a subscriber-only article, and I hate to say it, but this shit ain't free.
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See, I write a bunch of big, long, sexy articles for everybody, those are probably some of the articles that you know and love. They are big and beautiful and long and full of funny cat GIFs. But sometimes when I want to diverge into a niche topic or dive deep on a specific problem my readers are having, I write something exclusively for my subscribers. Like this one.
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