The Only Way to Deal With Resentment

170 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

Find a way to forgive your parents. If not for their sake, then for your own.

The Buddha once said that hatred was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let go of your resentments. Life is too short.

Forgiveness is refusing to allow past experiences to define how you feel in the present.

Three things for you to ask yourself

Anger and hatred can be powerful fuels in the short run, but are a significant drag on your mental health and happiness in the long run. What resentments have you been holding on to? Are they fueling you or holding you back (or both)? What would happen if you let them go?

One thing for you to try this week

Try forgiving someone! Bonus points if you do it explicitly and tell them so. People never like hearing this piece of advice, but the impact of forgiving those you resent is profound.

New This Week

7 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew Sooner – The podcast is back this week with a series of life lessons that I wish I had understood earlier in life. Older readers always tease me when I say that I’m getting old, but I’m pushing 40! That’s like, ancient in internet years. This was a fun one, check it out.

The Law of F*ck Yes or No – Many years ago, I wrote a popular article called Fuck Yes or No. It was a reader favorite. A couple months ago, while shooting another YouTube video, my team and I quickly filmed a short video version of the law, in case you need a quick refresher.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop compromising on something that is good for your happiness. Kirsten refused to compromise on her salary:

I received my contract for my first graduate job before the weekend. I decided to negotiate it with my new employer, little did I know it would turn into a brinkmanship exercise with my entire role on the line. However, by being absolutely straightforward I got my salary back to our original agreement.

I worked my ass off to get a first-class degree this summer, and after graduation I told myself I would no longer work for minimum wage. I refused to compromise on that, and it worked, I’m on a real graduate salary at last.

While Brian’s going to continue a hobby he loves:

I’m 36, have a successful career in healthcare sales and I’m getting married in January. I also play in an adult hockey league and have been for the past ten years. My team is really good (31-4 last five seasons). But my parents keep asking me to stop playing because of the threat of injury. I understand the risks, and an injury would suck. But the excitement, exercise, and high I get from playing, especially with this group of guys, is worth every second of risk. I’m keenly aware of how fragile life is too. And a big regret would be to stop playing. I won’t compromise there.

Finally, though all relationships require a degree of compromise, some things should never be compromised on, as this reader discovered:

For years, I thought compromise was essential to a happy marriage. But I was compromising on one thing that was just too much for me: safe, supportive conversation. It occurred to me that it is simply not sustainable to go on denying my emotional need. Acknowledging the validity and immutability of this need gave me such relief. I could present it to him without feeling guilty or accusatory. It was simple math. ‘I need this. I can’t change this need. Can you help me?’ It led to one of the best conversations we’ve had in ages. Sometimes knowing when *not* to compromise is the key to a great relationship.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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