Be Impossible to Offend

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    131 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

    Two things for you to think about

    One of the most beneficial traits in love and in life: be nearly impossible to offend.

    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    – Eleanor Roosevelt

    Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others.

    Two things for you to ask yourself

    In what areas of your life have you allowed yourself to feel inferior? Why do you think you’ve let that happen?

    Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week.

    One thing for you to try this week

    Make a conscious choice to stop being upset or offended by something this week. Let me know how it goes.

    Remember: Small changes lead to lasting breakthroughs. Reply to this email and let me know how it went for you.

    New This Week

    Answering Your Hardest Questions (Q&A Special) – Do I believe in manifesting? What’s my morning routine? What’s my best marriage advice? When is the next book coming?

    A couple weeks ago, I hit two milestones within a day or two of each other. First, the podcast hit 10 million downloads. Then, a couple days later, the YouTube channel reached 2 million subscribers.

    To celebrate, I asked the audience to send me questions. I received over 1,200 in all. I did my best to answer as many as I could. Check it out. And, as always, thank you for the support.

    Last week’s breakthroughs

    In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to set a boundary around drama or chaos in your life. Most reader replies centered around leaving a chaotic romantic relationship, like this one:

    I endured an off-and-on relationship with a fairly narcissistic person for a few years; it felt like weathering a perpetual storm. He got angry about the smallest things (long lines, wrong turns, forgetting something at the store) and it felt like a fight was always brewing. The breaking point was when he broke up with me five days post-hip surgery, despite promising to care for me for two weeks.

    Upon reflection, I recognized parallels between our dynamic and that of my relationship with my mother. I witnessed myself coddling him because it gave me a false sense of security and safety. I yearned to feel needed so he wouldn’t abandon me and I wasn’t completely wrong; when I couldn’t do anything for him, he broke up with me.

    Delia began to enforce boundaries in dating, and now her life is drama-free:

    Coming to the realization I was attracting chaotic men into my life has been my biggest life lesson. A couple of years ago I finally had the courage to leave a relationship that had been abusive in many ways. Instead of focusing on how I’d been wronged, I tried to figure out why I kept allowing these people into my life.

    The problem was of course—me.

    I read a book that revealed to me I had codependent tendencies that stemmed from my childhood. I could now look at my parents’ relationship and realize that although there was no abuse, their dynamic was unhealthy. My mum and I tiptoed around my dad’s emotions and put our own feelings second. I carried this attitude into every relationship I had because it made me feel needed to care for someone else’s feelings above my own.

    After a break from relationships, I started dating again. I found out a guy had lied to me about his age, so I stopped seeing him. Another guy showed tendencies of drinking excessively, so I stopped seeing him. Another had terrible communication and would ask me on dates at the last minute, so I stopped seeing him. No drama!

    Then I started dating my current partner who was very respectful, didn’t drink, and communicated openly how much he liked me. We have now been together 18 months and it is the healthiest, most loving relationship I’ve ever had. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because I refuse to let drama into my life anymore.

    But relationships aren’t the only source of drama, as this next reader tells us:

    Your email this week hit me: I am the ‘go-to’ person for everyone’s problems in my life. People (friends, family, even complete strangers) tell me their problems and secrets all the time. I’m always told I’m such a good listener and how I’m there for everyone all the time.

    Well, this ends up with me absorbing and taking on everyone’s problems and drama, and then whenever I have any problem no one is around to listen because they’re living their lives.

    It’s not normal to have someone to dump all your issues on. I tolerated it because it made me feel needed and I believe it’s the only reason anyone keeps me around as a friend, otherwise why would they even acknowledge me or want me around them?

    I’ve been pulling back the last couple of months and not being as available as I have been or just giving the advice that they should go talk to a qualified professional instead, and predictably, people reach out to me a lot less. Which is sad but I also have a lot less drama and problems circulating in my head.

    I’m going to lean into this even more now after your email this week and see who still wants me around even if I’m not their free therapist anymore.

    As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

    Until next week,

    Mark Manson

    #1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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