Two Things You Are Not

89 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Beliefs are theories. Actions are experiments. Emotions are feedback. Life is a science and its objective is growth.

Some people are ruled by their beliefs—they will torture themselves for the sake of an idea. Others are ruled by their emotions—they will change their mind a thousand times in search of what feels good.

A healthy mind acknowledges both, but is ruled by neither.

Four things for you to ask yourself

When have you allowed your emotions to rule your life? What were the consequences?

When have you been held prisoner by a false belief? What were the consequences?

One thing for you to try this week

Challenge a ruling emotion or belief in your life. Refuse to be controlled by it. See what happens.

New This Week

Self-Help Junkies, Stupid Experts, and the Worst Life Advice I’ve Ever Heard – Are you addicted to self-improvement? Are experts really any better than the rest of us at changing lives? What are common pieces of life advice that just don’t seem to work?

Drew and I tackle all of these questions in our brand new podcast format. Find out why self-help can turn into pseudo-religion (and why we should bring back exorcisms), whether or not a huge mega-study by a bunch of fancy experts can tell us anything about behavioral change, and some common self-improvement tropes that just don’t do it for us.

Do check it out and reply to let me know what you think of the new show format. Enjoy.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to put away a piece of entertainment for the week and see what happens.

Anne-Marie teamed up with her husband to “unplug” their TV:

I am a mom of a 16-month-old and in recent months I’ve developed severe insomnia. Since children deserve moms who are emotionally regulated, kind, and loving—things I’m incapable of if I don’t sleep—I began making drastic changes to break this cycle and restore my confidence in my ability to sleep.

Ever supportive, my husband asked how he could help. I requested he be willing to commit to two weeks of no evening TV time. We agreed that Friday nights can be a TV/movie night, but the rest of the week we would do other activities in the evening, and then reassess after two weeks.

Our two weeks ended ten days ago, and we celebrated by canceling our Netflix account. We are both feeling freer, more relaxed, more creative, happier, and even more connected by removing mindless entertainment from our lives.

I think we’ll stick with the routine of allowing TV on Fridays, but that means we’ll also be more mindful in what we choose to watch, hopefully meaning we will walk away having consumed media that teaches/motivates/provides talking points.

Without the distractions of internet, Natalia found herself:

Last week I was left without any internet at my place because my internet provider did an oopsie which lasted seven days.

So how did that impromptu experiment go? I noticed on day two that my thinking and especially my writing became significantly clearer. Towards days four and five a bunch of emotions started rising to the surface that demanded to be processed (which writing helped a lot with).

Goes to show that all that entertainment has an undeniable influence on how I experience daily life and needs to be carefully managed.

Last but not least, Jean came back from her meditation retreat a changed person:

This week’s challenge of putting away a piece of entertainment is something I did in July and it has had a lasting effect.

I participated in a ten-day silent meditation retreat which obviously involved having no access to our phones. Having been dealing with crippling anxiety and depression for months prior, my phone had become an extension of me. I spent hours upon hours mindlessly scrolling social media. I would scroll social media while I ate, while I watched TV, while I sat on the couch with my husband in the evening, even at work.

When I came out of the retreat and got my phone back, not only did I not want to go into social media but the thought of it actually made me anxious. I felt free. I was more engaged with the people around me, more present in the moment. I could think more clearly. I started noticing that I would be annoyed when others around me were scrolling social media because they weren’t in the moment with me.

Now, two months later, while I do use social media from time to time, I have begun to use time for more productive activities. I am learning to play the piano again after a 40-year hiatus and am taking classes at my local college. And sometimes I do nothing at all but just sit and enjoy the sights and sounds around me. Because I have the time to now. And I have the desire to be in this moment, not distracted and lost on my phone in the artificial world of social media.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast