If Life Is a Lot Right Now…

103 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

A happy life is not a life without struggle, it’s a life with meaningful struggle.

“Doing hard things” is a habit that must be practiced… or, like any habit, it will be lost.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What is a struggle that gives your life meaning? Is it a struggle you chose?

One thing for you to try this week

Do one hard, but necessary, thing this week. Let me know how it goes.

Let’s do this hard thing called life… together

Doing hard things is, well… hard. It’s even harder when you’re doing them alone—waking up to problems you don’t know how to solve, collapsing after a day at a job you hate, falling asleep wondering if anyone would understand.

We’ve all been there.

When I was younger, one of the best things I ever did was find a group of friends with similar problems and we pushed each other, held each other accountable, kept up with each other’s progress. Frankly, it was life-changing.

Which is why I built my community Momentum the way I did. It’s a community of regular people trying to do hard things, holding each other accountable, one day at a time.

In Momentum, every day there is a new exercise or action. This month, we’ve been building a life aligned with our values. Next month, we’ll be tackling procrastination so we can all stop wasting time and actually do the things that matter.

Every day, I log into our community and am amazed by the transformations taking place in members’ lives:

These exercises have really pointed to the fact that I should double down on the understanding, refinement and application of my core values. I have a tendency to just drift and try to live as I think society at large wants me to live, which very much clashes with my personal moral code. This community provides me with motivation and a better understanding of myself. By showing me that others have flaws too, how they handle them and that I’m not really alone.

Getting outside perspectives was great. I feel that it gave me more context and helped me embed my own thoughts and my self-perception in a bigger picture. I usually think I know myself best and that others just don’t have a clue about me. But the last weeks and exercises might have shifted something in me. I could read the feedback and just let it sit, without my mind automatically arguing against it. I can place the answers inside the values landscape in my head and see where they fit. That’s pretty cool.

I’d love to see you in there. Membership costs $24.99/month—but if you join by this Saturday 11:59 PM EDT, you’ll get $100 off the yearly plan. Just $199.99 for a full year of support, accountability, and growth.

If you’re tired of doing it all alone, come join us.

Join Momentum by Saturday 11:59PM EDT and get $100 off

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to let go in the name of love.

Nadine let go of a lifetime of toxic beliefs:

This week’s prompt hit home hard.

Awareness is interesting. It only occurs when your perception changes and you have a basis for comparison.

I grew up in a family where external perception mattered, and love was withheld unless there was performance. I therefore believed that being loved was conditional on my value to the person I loved. I was lovable when I was needed, I added value to my partner, and I fixed my partner. My marriage became a codependent, toxic mess of neediness where I was a security blanket to a victim husband who I encouraged to remain that way as I fawned for his love… because that was normal… right? Not because I was wanted. Who would want me? That was a fairy tale Hollywood movie. I was completely suffocated, and I had handed him the pillow.

When I left, I shocked everyone in my world, including my husband. There was nothing left in me. I was a shell and had no idea who I was. Zero boundaries or the ability to meet my own needs. I did not love myself, so I had spent a lifetime fawning over others to do it for me. They did because I met their needs, not because of who I was.

Now? I am a whole person. I love another whole person, and they love me. We spend our lives together while being who we are with our whole hearts. We want each other, but we do not need each other. We are each other’s greatest cheer squads for our singular dreams and joint goals. We share space quietly and comfortably without constant engagement. We communicate and don’t expect. We spend time apart and continue to be whole.

I’ve learned boundaries. I’ve learned it’s my responsibility to fix myself, and it’s not up to me to fix others. Without my history, I wouldn’t truly appreciate the value of my relationship now. I wouldn’t be so grateful for discovering and learning to love myself. I may have been the one who was pulled closer and smothered in my past, but it was my need to ‘fix’ that played a big part in that happening.

Bethany let go of the need to keep others close, and found herself:

I ended up strengthening the most important relationship in my life—my relationship with myself—only after I let go of the compulsion to keep someone else close. For years I clung to an unhealthy attachment, for all the usual unhealthy reasons—codependency, trauma bonding, self abandonment. I was a deeply empathetic person with shitty boundaries, ripe for manipulation, and this person didn’t disappoint.

At the time, I had no vocabulary for love bombing or gaslighting. But looking back, I can say without exaggeration: my brain and nervous system were hijacked. Somewhere along the line, hypervigilance became my full-time job. I made it my mission to ensure they followed through on their promises, that their actions aligned with their words. Spoiler: they rarely did. The result was total burnout, chronic stress and a near-complete loss of self.

Eventually. Finally. Painfully. I clawed my way out of the mental and emotional morass and distanced myself—giving them space to show up differently, all while prioritizing my own healing. Predictably, they didn’t change. The mask slipped entirely, and the nastiness took center stage. That was when I cut ties for good.

In the aftermath, I rediscovered the joy I naturally find in my own company. I’ve experienced a deeper appreciation for family and friends, and began to re-establish my trust in myself. I opened a design studio, while running a fiber art boutique and started writing again—poetry, short stories, and a screenplay that’s in the works. None of this would have happened if I’d stayed. Letting go wasn’t just the beginning of my healing; it was the foundation for a whole new life.

Thanks for the chance to reflect and recognize how far I’ve come.

Finally, a reminder that none of this is easy:

This week’s breakthrough is one that hits home.

The little messages I send to ‘check in’ are really messages to say ‘Hi, I’m still here, don’t forget me’—but I shouldn’t be having to chase the interaction. It should be a mutual want. A mutual desire for communication.

Being scared of being forgotten or left behind is very trapping and isolating. And being left behind by someone who doesn’t want to take you forward, should be enough to not send that message and realize you’re worth more.

It’s just easier said than done.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast