Love Is Letting Go

53 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

The best relationships only come once you’ve learned to be at peace alone.

The more you try to hold on to somebody, the more you show them that they should leave.

Love works best when it’s a choice, not an obligation.

Two things for you to ask yourself

When have you found, or strengthened, a relationship by letting go of your need to keep someone close? When did drawing closer end up pushing someone away?

One thing for you to try this week

Instead of striving to keep loved ones close, let go and focus on yourself this week. Let me know what happens.

I’m hiring: Head of Content & Paid Media Manager

Head of Content (starts ASAP; LA-based)

I’m looking for a Head of Content to scale my content intelligently and efficiently across all platforms and mediums. Someone who can manage large teams of creatives while thinking in systems and hitting deadlines. Basically: turn my big, occasionally-profane ideas into an always-on pipeline of binge-worthy videos, podcasts, emails, social shorts, and course assets—without burning out the team or the audience.

If you have 3+ years’ experience leading a creative team that delivers results, have grown/managed large online audiences (1M+) across multiple platforms, and are based in—or willing to relocate to—the Los Angeles area, this role might be for you. We are reviewing applications on a rolling basis and the strongest candidates will be invited to interview within a week of applying.

Learn more and apply to be my Head of Content

Paid Media Manager (starts by end of June; remote)

I’m looking for a Paid Media Manager to own and run all of our paid traffic campaigns across all platforms, but primarily Meta and Google. Someone who loves performance metrics, optimization, split tests and turning cold traffic into happy customers.

If you have 3+ years’ experience running and scaling ads in Meta and YouTube and proven success hitting performance goals and improving ROAS at scale, this role might be for you. We are reviewing applications on a rolling basis and the strongest candidates will be invited to interview within a week of applying.

Learn more and apply to be my Paid Media Manager

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to find something in your life you’re willing to be disliked for, and go do it.

Our first reader refuses to honor practices they don’t believe in:

It sounds trivial, but I’m willing to forgo certain social niceties. By not remembering or celebrating birthdays, anniversaries or ‘mandatory holidays’ (read Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day), I am off-putting to many people.

I tried for years to remember, send cards, call, etc., but the dates always slipped by. I felt bad for people feeling I neglected them, but clearly not bad enough. Largely it’s because I myself don’t see them as important, and don’t understand why they are so important to others. Mandatory holidays irk me because they are so contrived, so I just ignore them in favor of random nice efforts.

Instead, I’m a ‘4 a.m.’ friend, the person you call when there’s been a break-in, your spouse has suddenly left you, or you fall and dislocate your shoulder. Reliable, level-headed, practical, useful.

Giving up these niceties is considered quite odd for me, a woman, so I have to expect to be an outcast in many circles.

Those who are real friends recognize the trade-off, or at least put up with it. Anyone else, I’ve realized, probably isn’t going to be a close friend, and I’m okay with that. Took me until I was in my 40s to come to grips with it, though.

Khadeja is chasing a future abroad—at the cost of being misunderstood:

One thing I’m willing to be disliked for is studying abroad. It’s a scary and even taboo idea for many people in my country—sometimes even treated like a joke. My family thinks I’m being naive for aiming so high.

Yes, I’ve struggled with self-doubt for the past four years and still do. But despite that, I’ve accomplished quite a bit—from maintaining good grades to earning my own money. Still, some people assume I want to go abroad just for fun or to escape restrictions.

I often hear, ‘Why do you like taking the hard way?’ My answer is: I don’t believe fear is a good enough reason not to do something. When I think about the worst-case scenario—say, going abroad and suddenly dying—it honestly doesn’t scare me that much. In Islam, seeking knowledge is considered a form of serving God, and dying while pursuing knowledge is a noble death, for the sake of God.

P.S. Thanks for that breakthrough. One thing that really stuck with me was when you said we all think everyone is watching us—but the truth is, everyone is thinking the same thing. I remind myself of that often. It helps me let go of what others might think. And sometimes, when someone actually remembers a specific detail about me, I’m genuinely surprised—like, ‘Oh, I guess they were looking!’

Our final reader would prioritize their child over approval any day:

Like for many others, the COVID pandemic was rough for me and my family. I am a nurse, and I had a COVID baby in 2021 who was diagnosed with asthma. The poor kid had to be sheltered for the first 18 months of his life as he had multiple hospitalizations from breathing difficulties due to getting sick.

I received a lot of support as well as a lot of criticism for my husband’s and my decision to keep most people away. Especially those who were not vaccinated or refused to wear a mask. My criticism came from family members who took our decision to protect our child as an attack on them. My in-laws blamed me for ‘convincing’ my husband to turn away from his family, when all I wanted to do was protect my kid.

As a nurse, I was realistic about the evidence-based facts surrounding COVID, not the sensationalized news story. I was the bad guy for years because my husband and I kept certain family members from meeting my son until he was two years old. Instead of being concerned about my son’s well-being, they were most concerned about their selfish wants.

To this day, I will forever be OK being disliked by anyone who puts my children’s safety at risk or has no problem overstepping our boundaries.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast