What It Actually Means To Not Give a…

60 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

One thing for you to think about

Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent, it means being comfortable with being different.

If you don’t decide what’s worth giving a f*ck about, the world will decide for you.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What have you chosen to care about? Are you comfortable with that choice?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop caring about one thing that’s not worth caring about for just one day. Then let me know what happens.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked if you had unrealistic expectations for yourself and encouraged you to let go of them.

Being seen as the composed one made it difficult for Nour to let her guard down:

It is not easy to admit defeat, or to accept that we are not always confident, strong, happy, or positive. What is sometimes even more difficult is when a friend/family member sees us in a moment of struggle—when we are venting or feeling overwhelmed—and says something like, ‘I do not like seeing you this way. I did not know this side of you.’ especially when you have always been seen as someone confident, composed, and full of self-belief.

There is a quiet pressure that builds—not only from within, but from what society, family, and friends expect of us. We try so hard to live up to those expectations. But the truth is, my self-esteem falters more often than I would like to admit. My confidence, my happiness, even my sense of success—they all fade. What I find difficult to explain is how, despite giving so much love and care to the people around me, it is still hard for me to truly accept love in return. That is when loneliness starts to creep in—slowly, and without warning.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself the way my loved ones see me. But I am learning that it takes real courage to admit when we feel insecure. There is something deeply freeing in that realization. And to reach that understanding—to feel less alone in our internal battles—is a blessing in itself.

By letting go of perfection, Genevieve found her way back to her childhood dream of singing:

I’ve been working on dropping my unreasonable expectation of perfection for a number of years now (thanks, therapy!), and through a series of synchronicities, I recently found myself finally pursuing fun and freedom through singing—in front of people! I always wanted to be a performer as a kid, but never let myself truly try because I wasn’t perfect.

Now, I’m 44 years old, with three kids whom I’m trying to teach that ‘mistakes are a part of learning.’ So I’m trying to model that by taking opportunities with my vocal instructor to develop my skills and perform, embracing the imperfections as part of the craft. I’ve started collecting a repertoire of songs that inspire me—’Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield, ‘Beautiful’ by Linda Perry, ‘Try Everything’ by Shakira, ‘This Is Me’ from The Greatest Showman. I performed after only one lesson last year at an end-of-year concert, amongst other students who were at various levels of expertise, and throughout it all I found myself practicing compassion towards the other singers instead of being hypercritical, knowing that I would want others to do the same for me. It was quite empowering, and my husband shared later that he was deeply moved by my performance—proud of my courage and passion.

I’ll be performing again this weekend as a soloist at a jazz concert, and I just reached out to the Navy recruitment office to find out about reserve options as a vocalist, finally chasing the dream of being a professional musician. It feels amazing, even with the anxiety that comes from vulnerability, and I wouldn’t be able to do it at all if I still expected perfection from myself.

For Jennifer, packing too much into her to-do list did more harm than good:

I recently dropped the unrealistic expectation to finish my daily to-do list every day. I’m not sure why I had the expectation to finish all the tasks, because I NEVER did. So, every day I failed and beat myself up mentally over it.

I thought there was something wrong with me. I now realize that I put way too many items on the list and underestimated the time and energy it takes to complete all the tasks. I started to show myself kindness and told myself that I’m only human. Now, I limit the number of tasks or choose the top three priorities for the day. On some days, I might have one priority task that I know will take some time. If there is an item still on the list that I don’t get to, I simply add it to another day where it makes sense or delete it entirely.

Since I’m only human, I cannot do everything, and I must choose what I’m prioritizing in this season of life. Ironically, once I started to limit my to-do list, I became incredibly productive! And life felt way more manageable, helping my stress and mental load.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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