No Such Thing as a Bad Emotion?

28 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Your emotions are feedback, not facts. Just because something feels like it’s true doesn’t mean it has to be true.

There’s no such thing as a good or bad emotion—only good or bad reactions to an emotion.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What emotion have you mistakenly taken as facts? How has that worked out for you?

One thing for you to try this week

Pick an emotion that’s been troubling you and see if you can find a better reaction to it. Let me know how it goes.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop caring about one thing that’s not worth caring about even just for a day.

One of my readers stopped caring about earning her manager’s approval:

This was a perfect challenge for the week since I resolved to do something like this just last week! I decided to stop caring that my manager ignores me and excludes me from the team but is friendly with everyone else. It’s definitely not me, since I get along with everyone else on the team and have never come across this problem in my entire career.

I’m a big people pleaser, and it’s made my work life hell since I’m tense every time I go into work and stop being my normal, bubbly self. It also means I feel really uncomfortable asking him for help. And it overall just stings deeply since I am a friendly person, making me really resentful towards him.

So the last couple of weeks, I’ve been practising not caring about how he treats me and just talking to him courteously—it’s his problem, not mine. It’s definitely made my day more pleasant, although still not great.

It’s a work in progress, but I feel like it’s giving me a great opportunity to develop a thicker skin and maybe break the people-pleasing cycle.

Another is shifting her focus to the other beautiful friendships she has, rather than the one that fell apart:

I recently had a major fallout with a dear friend, after flying all the way from Asia to Europe to support her during her upcoming nuptials. Even though I wasn’t fully on board with this marriage (she had just started dating the guy in February), I wanted to be there for her and be open-minded to her new life. But once we met, the alarm bells were going off in my body. And that was the start of a saga of drama during my 3-week stay, where we’d go up and down, and just when I thought we were okay, she couldn’t show up in the way I needed her to when I was going through something emotionally difficult. It was the clarity I needed. After three years of friendship, I had given so much emotional energy and was receiving crumbs in return. I sent my last message to her expressing that I was hurt and disappointed. No response.

It’s been a week. She got married. I’m still healing. But I realize now that I’m choosing to not give a f*ck about what she may think of me or needing an apology or closure. I’m CHOOSING to give a F*CK about the beautiful friendships all around me that do show up in ways that I need and the amazing LOVE that surrounds me every day.

Of course, it still hurts. I don’t like the way it ended, but refocusing on what actually matters to me is helping me move forward.

And lastly, here’s one who stood by her values and didn’t hesitate to act when those beliefs were tested under her own roof:

I stood behind something I really do give a f*ck about and acted in accordance with my values. I am very environmentally conscious. Not a pusher; I don’t push my values on others, particularly to those whom I do not have a close relationship with. My focus is on my own behavior and minimizing the environmental impact of my own actions and household. Specifically, single-use plastics. I take great pains to minimize single-use plastics in my home. I’m not perfect, but I am proactive in looking for other solutions.

My mom is dating a guy who can’t be bothered. He only drinks bottled water. Every waking hour he has a plastic toothpick between his teeth. Last week, I spent 4 days at the beach with them and took out 7 bags of trash, full of single-use plastic across those 4 days. On the drive home, he threw his toothpick out the window on the highway. I pulled my car over and told him to get out and pick it up. He and my mom were pissed. But hey, my car, my rules.

He picked it up.

When we got home—to MY house—he went to the store to get cereal, milk, and a bottle of water. He came home with each item double-bagged. So six bags total for three items. Nope. I told him he was not welcome in my home. And he would have to find somewhere else to stay, because his entire lifestyle basically violates the one thing I CHOSE to really, REALLY give a f*ck about. He wasn’t happy. My mom wasn’t happy. I wasn’t particularly happy. But hey, my house, my rules.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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