Your Imagined Problems

64 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

When we lack real problems in our lives, our mind quickly sets out to imagine some.

“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.” – Seneca

One thing for you to ask yourself

What problems in your life are potentially imagined?

One thing for you to try this week

Let go of an imagined problem in your life. Let me know what happens.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to show appreciation to the people you want in your life.

Phil made this his mission in retirement:

I retired at the end of 2021 and made a plan on what I wanted to focus on. I had a vague goal of seeing those people who were important to me. We kept talking about how I will see you soon and soon never came.

A little over a year ago, I approached each person and told them to pick a date weeks or months in the future that they would be free as I wanted to hang on to them and thought I was losing touch.

I have developed a network of people that I see physically weekly, biweekly, quarterly, and annually. One key component of the success for me is to agree on the next time when I am meeting them.

Elia is working on being happy for her friends:

This week’s newsletter resonated with me, but only because I am sometimes the ‘person not happy for others’ achievements.’

I am conscious of this and am making efforts to switch my brain to be a better person and friend. For example, I run a bit (10k, the occasional semi-marathon) and I have friends who run a lot, and run faster and better, 180k ultra trail level better.

Of course, their commitment to the sport reflects their level, and same for me. Unfortunately when they achieve something spectacular, I automatically go to ‘this is too much, they should relax and enjoy life more, I don’t understand the need to do this kind of extreme competition…’ when, deep down, I am very proud of them and in awe of their dedication.

I don’t have the same level of commitment and dedication, and so their achievement reflects badly on me (in my mind). My defense mechanism is to downplay their achievement and criticize the extreme part of their sport instead of just being proud of my friends.

I am working on being inspired by them to be better at my level, instead of being discouraged that I will never be at theirs.

This newsletter was a great commitment check for me on this improvement goal.

Over in my online community Momentum, Will found a way to transform his resentment into appreciation:

Lately I feel like I’ve been having a hard time connecting on an emotional level with my wife. She’s started to have her career take off and it’s given her confidence and energy to do more things. As she puts more into that and other pursuits she’s wanted to do, it’s definitely put me and our relationship into more of a backseat than I’m used to.

I used thought reframe to work through the emotional state I was in that was taking this all personally and seeing it as rejection of me, and realizing that it’s actually a call to action on my part. I’ve got to put in the work, schedule dates, plan activities, show affection (without expectation of physical reciprocation). I’ve probably taken this relationship for granted the last few years and I need to prioritize it more heavily.

The thought reframe tool Will mentioned is just one of many in the Emotional Regulation Toolkit I put together for members in July. Each month in Momentum, we transform one of life’s thorniest challenges into opportunities for growth through daily action prompts and support from a thoughtful, committed community.

So far, we’ve worked on values, procrastination, and emotions. Next up: happiness. Learn more or join us here. We’d love to see you there.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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