You Have a Say Over Your Pain

0 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

The pain you feel isn’t just from what happened to you, it’s from what you tell yourself about it.

Choose the story that helps you heal more.

In other words: pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What story have you been telling yourself that adds suffering to your pain? What story can you tell instead?

One thing for you to try this week

Reframe the story around your pain. Let me know how it goes.

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Head of Operations for Mobile Consumer App: I’m looking for someone with 4-5+ years of experience in the B2C app space who has prior experience building out support systems and dashboards in a fast-growing start-up environment, you can learn more and apply here.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to deepen trust in one of your relationships.

Ayanjali learned how important vulnerability is to establishing trust:

We all know that trust is one of the most important foundations for any relationship. It not only helps deepen connections, but it also makes people feel valued and secure.

I experienced this recently at my new school. I decided to share something personal with one of my new friends—that I’ve started writing a novel. She was overjoyed that I trusted her with something so meaningful, and she told me she felt privileged to know this. By opening up, I showed her that she matters to me, and in return, it leveled up our bond and took our friendship to a deeper level.

Two decades in, Butch still nurtures his wife’s trust every day:

I’ve been really enjoying your newsletter, and today’s piece on trust and building it truly resonated.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and together for 25. When we first got together, she had significant trust issues due to her past experiences with men, including her father. Despite that, she somehow took a chance on me, and I’m incredibly thankful she did.

Building trust with someone who has been hurt so many times was a long and challenging journey. For many years, she maintained a masculine mindset. However, my belief in her and my unwavering love made it worth staying the course, allowing her to see that I was different from the men she had encountered previously.

It took us nearly two decades to reach a place of complete trust on both sides. What struck me as this happened was how my wife, as she grew more comfortable trusting me, also became a more feminine woman, softening her edges.

Now, she finds our home a place of true relaxation where she can let go of the stresses of her day as a businesswoman. For me, even after 25 years, just holding her hand or hugging her feels like a small electric current passing from her skin to mine. It’s truly amazing what trust can do for a relationship.

Finally, Debbie from my membership community involved her adult son in her post-divorce transformation, and preserved his trust:

My adult son and I have been through a lot in his 23 years and I love our relationship built on a lot of necessary, honest communication. Post-divorce he’s watched a lot shift with me, being a mom and wife one way during most of his life to who I am now. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and sometimes I worry I was too late in those changes. Too late in that I modeled weak, subservient behavior he’ll expect from women.

Part of my work was including him in my changes and why I was working on myself without placing blame. So far in his relationship I see he takes to heart our discussions. I like that we can have brutally honest conversations one minute then belly laugh the next.

If you’ve ever been inspired by a breakthrough in this newsletter, you’ll be right at home in my online membership, where every day you’ll take one action that brings you closer to the person you’ve always wanted to be—alongside a thousand others all committed to personal growth, all cheering you on.

Each month, through these daily actions, we apply the learnings from my Solved podcast to our lives. So far, we’ve tackled Values, Procrastination, Emotions, and Happiness. Learn more or join my community here to start working on these key aspects of your life, in any order you choose.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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