Nobody Is Watching

90 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

There is no amount of information that will make you feel “ready.”
There is no amount of approval that will make you feel confident.
There is no amount of success that will make you feel entirely fulfilled.

Life is about just doing the thing anyway.

“I lived so carefully, thinking someone was watching. But the stage was empty, the audience never came.” – Osamu Dazai

Two things for you to ask yourself

What would you do if nobody was watching? Why do you care?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop waiting for approval, and just do the thing. Reply and let me know how that feels.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to pick one thing that bores you but matters to you, and recommit to it.

Here’s Janice:

Golf can be really boring.

At this point I have been playing golf for 36 years. Why keep golfing if it’s boring? I golf because it is the sport my husband loves. I learned to golf right around the time we met. He taught me to be a better golfer. His enthusiasm, love for, and commitment to golf means he buys me new balls and clubs, hoping to improve my game. If he asks me to do anything with him, chances are very good that it will involve golf.

I know in my heart of hearts that if someone held a gun to my head and told me I could never golf again in my life, I would hand over my clubs and walk away without hesitation or regret.

I stay with it because it is my husband’s passion. It is his love language. It is my gift to him to spend time doing this activity. Golf has its moments: a great drive, sinking a long impossible looking putt, and enjoying the outdoors. Completing a round of golf takes a time commitment, especially when there is slow play ahead, so choosing to be a supportive wife and a companion means playing golf. When I hear women complain about being a golf widow, I usually offer to take them to the driving range and teach them the basics. I played nine yesterday with my husband and shot a 46.

Kevin is learning to enjoy his boredom:

This really resonated with me. I am currently in a phase of my life, where I feel constantly bored.

A bit of background, I have suffered from depression for the last couple of years and only discovered it when me and my now ex-wife separated. The depression was a result of always chasing, never settling and inhabiting what I built—just chasing, pushing for the next win and the next thrill. At the time I thought my exceptional drive was a strength, that my ability to endure and overcome set me apart from others. What it did was deteriorate me slowly but steadily. In the end I started longing for boredom, for peace and quiet.

Now, luckily, I have overcome the depression. That process in itself took a lot of boredom. Many hours spent meditating, spent walking for hours and hours because walking helped focus my mind and helped me come to terms with things I’d rather not admit. Hours spent in a sauna using the extreme heat to release the tension in my mind and body.

Now I enjoy the meditation, I love spending a Saturday morning walking and just looking at the trees watching the sun rise. I enjoy the heat from the sauna and cold plunges in between, the relaxation it gives me. Most of all I enjoy my work without the constant fluctuations between not being good enough and the short bursts of excitement whenever I felt appreciated (which would always be followed by a voice telling me it was not deserved because I could have done better). I actually enjoy the feeling of bored numbness I have when working right now—I do not feel stressed at all, even though I have a lot of work to do.

Finally, like many others, this reader is recommitting to the simplest, most important things:

I recommitted to sleep and movement this week.

They aren’t exciting. There are no immediate rewards, and nobody congratulates you for going to bed on time or doing a few minutes of exercise. But I stayed because every goal I have depends on my health. I want to travel, finish my training, work safely, enjoy retirement when it comes, and have the energy to keep up with my family and dogs. None of those things happen if I don’t take care of the body carrying me there.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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