The Best Things in Life Are on the Other Side of This

120 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Your fear occurs in proportion to the importance of the task. The more something scares you, the more necessary it is to your growth. The best things in life are found on the other side of your fear.

“Where your fear is, there is your task.” — Carl Jung

Three things for you to ask yourself

What are the things in your life you’re most afraid of doing that would probably be good for you? What are the possibilities in your life that make you uncomfortable? What ideas are you avoiding or emotionally rejecting?

One thing for you to try this week

Dive into something that scares you. It could be a task—a difficult conversation, a new hobby or endeavor, a major lifestyle change. It could be reconsidering past judgments about people, ideas, or beliefs. It could be questioning something you absolutely hate the idea of questioning.

Do it. Then let me know how it goes.

New This Week

How to Give Up Everything to Save Yourself (ft. Matt from Yes Theory) – What if you achieved all your dreams overnight and realized they made you miserable?

This is essentially what happened to my friend Matt Dahlia. He and his co-founders created one of the biggest YouTube channels in the world and achieved incredible fame and fortune. But after a few years, he decided to give it up. I talked to him about the process of realizing it was making him unhappy, about how one can have a codependent relationship with their own business or audience, and the struggles and shame he dealt with in the aftermath of his decision.

Last week’s breakthroughs (and a question answered)

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to forgive someone. It struck a chord with hundreds of you and the outpouring of emotion and personal stories was quite powerful. Thank you to all who shared. A select few are reposted below, starting with Patrick:

For many years I have attempted to resolve the issues caused by my alcoholic father. His mental abuse toward my innocent mother continues to weigh on my mind. The younger version of myself was not capable of confronting him. Over and over in my mind I relive and resent the life he gave us.

I ask myself: Can you talk to him now? Can you understand him and his demons? Can this be done after his death forty-six years ago? At times this resentment holds me in that time instead of enjoying the time I do have.

In this very moment I forgive you Father, because your actions could not have been willful. May I learn and grow from them.

A reader resolved to let go of resentment towards their former partner:

For nearly three years now I have been holding resentment for an ex partner, who I was with for over six years, who suddenly left me for someone else. Understandably, I have not been a big fan of thinking about her or what she did since. This separation damaged my trust of other people and has made me more anxious. This has caused some issues in my current relationship, where this resentment for my ex is damaging the trust we have built.

From your newsletter, I feel that letting go of this resentment and focusing on the present may be the best thing to do, even though it may go against many of my instincts. I know it’s a long journey that I’m right at the start of, but I feel that by moving on from this, it can only make my current relationship stronger and healthier.

Thank you for this, I feel like this is finally my road to recovery after three painful years.

This next reader has decided to forgive themselves:

The first thing that struck me when I read this week’s email about resentment was how much resentment I feel toward myself. I spent my teenage years and early 20s being pretty hardcore religious and judging everyone who claimed to be religious for not being on the same level as me. Then in my early 30s after years and years of suppressing serious depression I made some awful choices that almost wrecked my family and had consequences for other families as well.

Things are much better now thanks to getting help for my depression and an incredibly forgiving and committed husband, but I still have trouble forgiving myself for all the pain I caused others and myself all those years, even and maybe most especially when I thought I was doing good.

Your email reminded me that while I know I won’t forget the lessons I learned, it will be better if I stop resenting myself.

To end, a question:

How to forgive someone whose actions are still actively harming me or others? What if my rights are being violated?

Don’t. Forgiveness is a luxury that can only occur once you are well removed from the offending person in both space and time. If you are still being harmed by someone, your first priority should be to protect the well-being of yourself and others you care about. Nothing else matters.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website — My Books — My YouTube Channel