The Morning Routine No One Told You About

153 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

One thing for you to think about

The real “morning routine” nobody tells you about:

1. Eat a reasonable dinner, no caffeine or alcohol.
2. Stop looking at screens around 9PM.
3. Get into bed by 10PM.
4. Relax, meditate, do some light reading.
5. Wake up early feeling fucking great and ready to go.

Two things for you to ask yourself

Think of the last time you woke up feeling refreshed. What had you done the night before? Now think of the last time you woke up feeling like a bag of ass—how many substances were involved?

One thing for you to try this week

Try a week of prioritizing sleep above everything else. Eat a reasonable dinner, no caffeine or alcohol. Stop looking at screens at 9PM, get into bed by 10PM. You’ll feel lame at first, but try it and let me know how you feel afterward (you’re welcome.)

New This Week

When to Cut Off Your Parents, Mastering Conflict, and Why a Crazy Family Can Make You a Better Person – Cutting off toxic parents is all the rage in some pockets of the internet these days—but have we lowered the bar for what makes a parent “toxic” a little too much? How can we own up to the hard conversations we need to have with the people we’re closest to? And is there a silver lining for putting up with family members who drive us absolutely fucking insane? Join Drew and me on this latest podcast episode as we get a little squirmy in our chairs answering these questions about the people you just can’t get away from: your family. Enjoy.

Last week’s breakthroughs (and a question answered)

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to let go of your expectations of a person you love and see how that changes your relationship.

Busola is letting go of expectations of her son:

With my divorce after 15 years of marriage, my 11-year-old son is finding his way through this transition. Recently, I felt a mix of sadness and anger when I overheard him making plans with his dad. He accidentally sent me a picture of a ticket, and it hit me hard. In digging deeper, I realized I was placing unfair expectations on him to shield me from this situation. He deserves to enjoy his time with his dad without feeling responsible for my feelings.

This insight has pushed me to rethink how I approach our relationship. Instead of expecting him to carry my emotional weight, I’m learning to love him freely, appreciating the love he offers without strings attached. It’s a journey I’ve been exploring with my therapist, and it’s helping me find a new perspective.

Your insights remind me of the power of unconditional love and the importance of letting go and is so timely as I go through the week!

Leslie shared her take, as well as a breakthrough:

I think the reason it’s so tough to release expectations of others is because we have such high expectations of ourselves. We don’t tend to love ourselves unconditionally, so we have no idea what that would even feel like, let alone how to extend it to someone else.

Growing up, we probably all absorb on some level that love is conditional. Parenting is an unending series of challenges, and no one can be self-aware, patient and enlightened all the time. Unless our parents make superhuman efforts to control their own feelings, there’s bound to be some undercurrent of ‘I’ve sacrificed my whole life for you, so you’d better make me proud.’ We pick up on this, and carry it with us to other relationships. I do this for you, so you should be this for me.

Your advice to practice unconditional love with others is spot on. And I’m proof that it can shift the way you love yourself as well.

I’ve always been a type-A overachiever and very hard on myself. But as a pianist and creative mentor, my business is actually the opposite—helping clients access a sense of freedom and self-acceptance through a creative practice. I’ve loved being able to give to others something I never felt I had: the opportunity to be less-than-perfect at something.

A few years ago, I decided to challenge my own assumption that I couldn’t do the same for myself. I embarked on a pretty serious self-reflection journey, and looked for moments where I could treat myself with the same patience and grace that I offered my clients. It took some time, but these small deliberate actions led to a remarkable metamorphosis. I’ve found a sense of peace that I didn’t know was possible, and it has transformed the way I interact with my husband and the people I care most about.

I absolutely got there by practicing this with others, so it’s a win-win for sure!

Finally, Gwen had a question many of you also asked:

What is your advice if you love people unconditionally and they take advantage of you?

Love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive (in fact, I’d argue they enable each other—but that’s another email.)

While love can be unconditional, a relationship can and should be conditional. If my wife turns out to be a serial murderer, I will divorce her. I’ll still love her, but I’ll divorce her.

I believe people confuse this because they overestimate love. They assume it’s the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship, when it’s not. See this classic article to learn more.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast