This Question Means Everything

137 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Wanting to be happy and feel loved and have a great job means nothing—we all want that.

Knowing what you’re willing to give up for those things means everything—it determines who you are.

The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over.

Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.

One thing for you to ask yourself

What pain do you want to sustain? What are you willing to struggle for?

One thing for you to try this week

Embrace the pain you want in your life this week. Let me know what difference it makes.

New This Week

How TikTok Ruined Politics (And Your Sex Life) – How many fucks should we give about politics? What’s driving the widening ideological gap between young men and women? And is the world fucked beyond recognition? In this latest podcast episode, Drew and I talk politics without really talking politics. We cover how to stay up-to-date without going insane, what history can teach us about the present, the real downside to TikTok’s invasion of—well, everything—and why there is still reason to hold out hope, even when it seems like the world is going straight to hell. Check it out.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to prioritize sleep for better mornings and dozens of you replied to share how sleep hygiene changed your life. Here’s a taste:

I’ve been on this schedule for about six months now, and to say it changed my life would be the understatement of the decade. Once I learned about sleep hygiene and the importance of having a nightly routine, I started taking it seriously every day and prioritized my sleep by not eating or drinking two hours before sleeping, avoiding all bright blue lights an hour before bed, meditating for ten minutes, and reading for 30 minutes. This sequence will literally put you to bed faster than anesthesia.

Fast forward six months, I regularly get 8+ hours of sleep every night and wake up with more clarity and focus. I add the cherry on top by going to the gym first thing in the morning, which only serves to compound that clarity and focus. I don’t know why it took me 27 years of living to get into this routine, but no amount of money can convince me to stop doing it now.

For this next reader, sacrifice led to a better relationship:

I really like this week’s prompt, as my fiancé and I have been doing this a lot lately. Not only did we cut out drinking, but our diets at this time are very strict (I should note, these are not ‘fad diets’ to try and lose weight; they were put on us by doctors). We also don’t sleep in the same room, as my fiancé has sleep apnea and snores like a motherfucker, which was causing us both to lose sleep. We also both get up very early to start our days, around 4:45 AM (so for me, cutting out caffeine has not been successful yet).

Between the sleeping in different rooms, no alcohol, going to bed around 9 PM every night and keeping to a routine, as well as getting our bodies in check with these diets, we have both started to feel a difference.

Sure, it’s a lot of sacrifice on many levels (less time spent together, less of our favorite foods, even limiting our special activities such as eating out or getting a beer at the local brewery), in the end it is so worth it. When we both feel better physically with treating our bodies right and getting better sleep, we feel better mentally and emotionally, which leads to improvements in our relationship. It’s a challenge worth trying!

Lastly, one reader highlighted the importance of “why” and sticking to boundaries:

One of the things you fail to mention is the ‘why.’ Sure, taking care of yourself at night leads to feeling better in the morning, but what will you do with that time, or why? I started running in 2022 and ended up losing about 50 lbs over the course of six months. The feeling of running in the morning was far greater than the feeling of staying out with friends at night. That ‘why’ really taught me not to sacrifice my morning for the night before. I don’t run as much anymore, but I still get up early and use that time to read, educate myself, get a chore done, or just enjoy that peace to myself. It’s the only way to truly start a day.

I basically have an internal clock and I know by about 9 PM that it’s time to start wrapping up if I’m out and get home. I feel like Cinderella at the ball whenever I’m out with my friends. The drinks will be flowing, we’ll all be having a good time, something is always going on. And they know, I’ll be ubering home in a few minutes. I used to catch shit early on, but after a couple of times I’ve set the expectation and boundary for myself, it’s not even a discussion point with anyone. I’m headed home, I’m going to run tomorrow, it was great to see you all.

Believe it or not, you feel a sense of accomplishment for saying no and going home more than you experience FOMO. And your friends end up respecting you too. Usually, on those crazy nights, as much as you might hear a story of some adventure after you left, more often than not, they’re jealous of the fact that you’re up and killing it on a Saturday/Sunday while they’re stuck in bed for half the day.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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