Love Is Not Enough

100 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Love makes a good relationship a dream and a bad relationship a nightmare. Love does not fix a relationship—it amplifies what’s already there.

“Your goal is not to find love, but to remove all barriers which are preventing you from receiving it.” – Rumi

Three things for you to ask yourself

When have you overestimated love? When have you prevented yourself from experiencing it? Why?

One thing for you to try this week

Adjust your expectations around love. Then tell me how it affects a relationship.

New This Week

Podcast: Actionable Advice, Therapy Culture, and Taking Your Own Medicine

You ever notice how some people can’t stand being told what to do—even when the advice is good? Yeah, that’s me. In this latest podcast episode, Drew and I dig into why so many of us rebel against advice, why others chase it like their life depends on it, and whether all that “actionable advice” we’re constantly fed is actually helping anyone. We also get into the bigger picture—how advice often misses the mark when it’s not tailored to someone’s unique situation, and how therapy culture might be trying to replace something deeper that’s missing in our lives. I’ll share why I don’t give rigid life hacks, the trouble with universal solutions, and the surprising reason why most breakthroughs aren’t about the advice at all. If you’re tired of “do this, don’t do that” advice, this one’s for you. Enjoy.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to cut out one distraction from your life and spend the time on something worthwhile.

Our first reader found a $17 solution to their phone addiction:

In my endless quest to eliminate distractions from my life I recently did something that I thought was a drastic step… but it has been working!

About a month ago I decided that I had to break myself of my phone addiction. I’ve tried deleting apps in the past (there are always other apps), I turned off all my notifications, I have tried leaving it in another room but that wasn’t solid enough and it never lasted. So, in what felt like a last ditch effort, I went out and bought a small, metal cash box with a key lock and placed it on my kitchen counter. Now, before I go upstairs to put my daughter to bed my phone gets locked away in the box until the following morning. I can’t see it. I can’t hear it. It is out of sight and out of mind. In the morning, the box doesn’t get unlocked until at least one hour after I wake up. At first I worried that not being accessible at night would affect my business negatively, but so far it has made no difference. It turns out people don’t expect a response immediately and I am under no obligation to do so.

I am almost a month into this experiment and the change has been dramatic. I have been getting more and better sleep. I have been reading a hell of a lot more. On the whole, not having access to my phone for at least 12 hours a day has made me less reliant on the weak and useless dopamine hits and I’ve been able to find better hits simply because I am more present in my own life. I struggle less with my anger and rage and I am much more interested in playing silly games with my five-year-old.

Who would have thought a $17 cash box would help my mental health in such a profound way.

Five days were all it took for Danielle to reclaim her life.

Right after the election, I logged out of social media, deleted the apps, and turned off the news for my well-being.

Within five days, my anxiety melted away, I slept better, and my appetite returned. I noticed a rare clarity and focus (I have ADHD, so this was transformative). I replaced scrolling with philosophy books, comfort reads, and journaling, which made me feel more grounded and energized. I even reconnected with old friends and found that social interactions no longer left me drained. As an introvert, my social battery is pretty low to begin with, and I believe social media depleted it to the point I rarely wanted to meet up with friends anymore. Even texting felt like a chore. Now, I look forward to personal connections via phone, text, or in person.

During that first week, I allowed myself a day of watching educational YouTube videos, carefully choosing uplifting and empowering topics. For the first time in years, I wasn’t multitasking or distracting myself while watching. This led to creative breakthroughs in my small business and helped me enjoy family time—even with relatives who don’t share my political views (none of whom are toxic, or I would avoid them). I consciously decided I didn’t want to live in a divided country, and that I could only control myself to make that change; a shift inspired by the books, videos, and journaling.

In less than a month, I feel as though I’ve broken free from the Matrix and regained control over my mind and life. This shift has brought me gifts like presence, connection, creativity, and clarity. I’ve decided not to return to social media and will continue avoiding the news (and biased commentary), as I’ve realized how detrimental they were to my well-being. I can stay engaged in healthier, more useful ways through volunteering, voting, donating, etc.

Five days. That’s all it took. Perhaps there’s research to support this timeframe that you could share, but if not, maybe my story will encourage someone who is in distress to try.

Finally, distractions don’t always come in the form of phones and social media:

I would say this newsletter came a week late for me. But really I know if I read it last week, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

I’m sitting here Monday morning back to real life after an awesome mountain biking trip with my girlfriend over an extended thanksgiving weekend. I always struggle a bit to come back to normalcy after any kind of vacation, but this time it’s a little different. I’m having issues with selling my house (twice under contract and falling through just before closing), and at the same time I’m midway through a major career change. I’m saying ‘fuck it’ and going to flight school to be a helicopter pilot after 16 years of a hateful Accounting career. Your various advice helped me make that decision, but that’s not the point right now. The point is, I was distracted the whole time on our trip.

I didn’t experience the place, the activities, or the company as presently and mindfully as I would have liked. I wasn’t just sitting around scrolling Instagram. I was signing mortgage papers and coordinating schedules with various flight instructors. So it was very easy to justify it all as important, even though I knew at the time I was distracted. And if I read this newsletter prior to the trip, I still would have also justified the distractions as ‘important.’ I probably only spent about an hour of focused time actually dealing with these things, but they kept occupying head space even when there wasn’t immediate action required—and that constant background looping of the thoughts was the real distraction.

As I sit here with the pain of regret for missing out on experiencing the weekend as fully as I could have, your message hits different (as the kids say). Distractions aren’t just the obvious time wasters. Some of the things are actually pretty important. Obsessing and dwelling is the waste. Sign the forms, put the phone down, and stop thinking about it.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast