The Only Thing Worth Hoping for

94 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Two things for you to think about

Hope for the best.
Prepare for the worst.
Expect nothing.
Savor everything.

“Don’t hope for a life without problems. There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life of good problems.” – Disappointment Panda

Two things for you to ask yourself

What are problems worth hoping for? What problems do you have today that you would have been grateful for in the past?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop hoping for your problems to go away. Instead, try hoping for problems you enjoy. Then let me know how it goes.

New This Week

Video: I Survived the Drunkest Country in the World

This summer, I spent a few days in the country with the most alcoholics in the world. I went there to try to understand their culture’s relationship with alcohol, what drives it, and whether it could potentially change or not. Oh, and I talked to a lot of drunk people.

Podcast: How to Get Lucky in Life and Take Smarter Risks

In this latest podcast episode, Drew and I dive into the fascinating world of luck, risk, and how they shape our lives. We explore the delicate balance between playing it safe and taking chances, and why understanding this balance is crucial for personal growth. We dig into the psychology of luck, examining how our perceptions influence our outcomes, and why taking calculated risks can lead to outsized returns. We also tackle the tough question of how to cope with life’s inevitable hardships. Hopefully this gives you a fresh perspective on risk-taking and a new appreciation for the role of chance in your life. Enjoy.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to have more realistic expectations around love. My prompt helped Joe see how far he’s come:

I used to believe Love would save me. It would fill a hole within me. And when I found Love, it would conquer all. My life would be the ultimate rom-com movie. Life would be wonderful forever. Well, after a few failed relationships and long periods of being single—Love is *not* the band-aid that fixes everything. It helps, but just that.

Have I prevented myself from fully experiencing Love? Yes. And it was a big part of why the previous relationships ended. I always held back. I was told that in the relationship I was there, but not fully. This guardedness and lack of vulnerability was my way of protecting myself from hurt. However, it did not. When the relationships failed I blamed myself only. My suit of armor was merely a coffin…

When I started to love myself, I learned to become vulnerable and face who I was (and am). This process has taken a long time. Love is wonderful. Love is truth. Love is a gift. And it is work! Journaling, reflection, meditation, some counseling and mostly leaving the armor off has brought me here. I have a most wonderful marriage and feel blessed. When you love and accept yourself, it makes loving others easier!

Max no longer chases the high of love:

As a child, I fixated on the idea that ‘love conquers all,’ and that with love you could weather any turbulent times. I’m an emotionally hypersensitive man, i.e. my feelings hit me strongly and I need time to process them properly, or I can get carried away into making impulsive emotion-driven decisions.

By the time I had fully realized this about myself, I’d been off chasing the ‘high’ of feeling in love for several years. While in that state, I found myself following impulses and letting my emotions take the driver’s seat. I had a few relationships that had crashed and burned, mostly from poor communication from both sides. I’d nearly exhausted myself mentally and physically to maintain a relationship that wasn’t working, which I’m recovering from today with therapy and attempts at a healthier work-life-stress balance.

Today, I find myself prioritizing structure and stability—let love blossom over time if things do work out. To take time to process not just what, but the how and why of my feelings, and not let them drive my actions somewhere I cannot go.

Our final reader got introspective:

I have found that my relationship with love is really a reflection of my relationship with myself and my ego. I overestimate love when I am grasping at something external to fix something internal—when I’m afraid, feeling lonely, feeling worthless, and needing validation or reassurance. That is when I start to look at ‘love’ like it’s going to fix my problems because it will make me feel better. It ends up just putting pressure on the other person and makes everything worse because if they do respond, it’s usually out of obligation and then you can’t even fully trust the thing that you are asking for to make you feel better.

On the flip side, I have pushed love away when I feel the need to put walls up, maybe I am feeling superior and looking at someone as needy when they are looking for reassurance or comfort. Maybe I am feeling ashamed or embarrassed so I pull away because I don’t want to expose myself. Or maybe I am feeling angry and like no one could possibly understand me or give me what I need so I want to just be alone for the rest of my life.

When I am at peace and have a deeper understanding of my intentions, needs, and expectations, I’m much more able to see love for what it is, which in my definition is to be of service. If I am unable to be of service to myself or someone else, then I know I am not in an open-hearted position and I need to step back and reassess before looking for something else to fix things.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast