The Only Way to Get What You Want

112 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

If you wish to be loved, then love.

If you wish to be appreciated, then appreciate.

If you wish to be respected, then respect.

Two things for you to ask yourself

Do you expect to receive things you don’t freely give? Why is that?

One thing for you to try this week

Give to others what you’re hoping to receive yourself. It can be anything—love, appreciation, respect, trust, a lifetime supply of burritos. Then let me know what you receive in return. It might surprise you.

New This Week

Podcast: How to Build a Life Full of Meaning and Purpose (ft. Arthur Brooks)

In this latest podcast episode, I sit down with Arthur Brooks, a renowned social scientist and happiness expert, for a deep dive into the realms of meaning, faith, and love. Our conversation takes unexpected turns as we explore the intersection of spirituality, psychology, and personal growth. Among other things, Arthur shares insights from his work with the Dalai Lama, explains why young men are increasingly turning to religion, and offers advice on finding meaning in a world dominated by technology.

From discussing the evolutionary roots of our search for meaning to examining the role of faith in modern life, this episode challenges conventional wisdom and offers fresh perspectives on age-old questions. Whether you’re grappling with questions of faith, seeking to understand the nature of love, or simply looking for ways to live a more fulfilling life, this conversation will leave you with plenty to ponder. Enjoy.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to stop doing one counterproductive thing in your life.

Rebecca identified an unnecessary burden at work:

I’ve decided to stop giving attention to the negativity from my new business partner. His comments—saying I won’t succeed, pointing out everything that could go wrong, and even claiming I’ll ‘lose it all’—have been weighing on me. For a while, I let those doubts creep in, but I’ve realized his fears aren’t mine to carry, and his negativity no longer has a place in my life.

This choice isn’t about proving him wrong; it’s about reclaiming my energy and focus. I’ve worked my way from first employee to co-owner, and I owe it to myself to honor that journey by tuning out voices that don’t serve me. His words only hold power if I allow them to, and I’m done letting them distract me.

Letting go of his opinions feels liberating—a reminder that not everyone’s voice deserves space in my head. My success is determined by my own determination and actions, not someone else’s doubts.

Shivani knows exactly what to cut down on:

Oh, this one’s easy… Over-indulging in food that my mom has cooked. Why do I do this? To please my mom. I thought I had worked through it last year when my mom was here for several months to help with my new baby. Then, I’d openly discussed it with her and even lost a lot of weight.

This time when I’m trying to just lose the holiday weight, she refutes me and tells me I’m skinny and perfect and don’t need to lose any more weight. But I’m not at my goals. Either I just let it be and enjoy the yummy food for the next month, or I figure out a way to calmly set boundaries with her and tell her I’m full… or I can be sneaky, since it looks like I’m not able to win this battle directly anymore.

Or, maybe I just add some cardio to my days and c’est la vie.

Our last reader worked hard to remove barriers to their happiness:

Sixteen months ago I experienced total burnout, fueled by worry about work, health anxiety and insecurity around a self-diagnosis for a neurodivergent condition. I had a month off work and gradually eased my way back into everyday life.

I never gave up but I hit some pretty low points, exacerbated by worry that the stress had caused permanent neurological issues; I felt 20 years older. All I could do to start with was put one foot in front of the other, quite literally, and spend every day I had off walking and doing meditation. It was incredibly hard explaining to my kids that the father they looked up to was mentally unwell and couldn’t cope.

Over time, I shed things that I felt were getting in the way of my happiness, starting with anxiety, signing up for a ten-session course of CBT. I gave up coffee and eventually alcohol in November and I’ve been sober ever since, and have almost completely unmasked in social situations. I read as many self-help books as I could, with a major influence being ‘The Subtle Art…’

The most recent work I’ve done on myself was a five-week therapy course to help me with unresolved trauma, which has unlocked some unexpected benefits, such as shedding comfort eating and over-spending. I’ve also got an ADHD assessment in March after a two-year wait.

Sixteen months ago, I was broken. Now I’m really optimistic about the future.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast