Things to Stop Doing

46 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Five things for you to think about

The most impactful things you do are often the things you don’t do:

1. The distractions you don’t indulge
2. The toxic people you don’t engage
3. The opportunities you turn down
4. The bad relationships you leave
5. The fights you walk away from

Two things for you to ask yourself

What are some things that, if you stopped doing them, could improve your life? Why haven’t you stopped already?

One thing for you to try this week

Stop doing one counterproductive thing. Let me know how it goes.

New This Week

Podcast: Building Real Confidence, The Motivation Puzzle, and Understanding All Your “Parts”

In this latest podcast episode, Drew comes in hot as we dig into the nitty gritty of confidence and motivation. We explore the counterintuitive idea that true confidence doesn’t come from expecting success, but from being comfortable with failure. If you’ve ever struggled with self-doubt or felt demotivated despite external achievements, this episode might just change your perspective.

We start by dissecting what I call the “Confidence Conundrum” and how it applies to various aspects of life, from business to relationships. Then, we challenge some long-held beliefs about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, discussing research that questions the idea that external rewards always undermine our natural interests. We wrap up with a thought-provoking exploration of Internal Family Systems theory and how understanding the different “parts” of our psyche can lead to greater self-integration. This is a grab bag episode that we had a lot of fun with, so I hope you enjoy it.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to reframe a pain you’re currently experiencing as an opportunity for growth. The responses were incredible and many were deeply personal and emotionally heavy. Thank you to all who submitted. Here are a few.

Our first breakthrough came from Ryan:

The big one for me is reframing the story I’ve been telling myself around my dad’s death. He died almost 25 years ago, just as I was about to turn 21, following a year of battling esophageal cancer. Watching him wither away to nothing was, to say the least, a very difficult experience. This experience has haunted me for the last 25 years and was always put in the ‘bad’ bucket of experiences.

Over the 2024 holiday season, I went through a very intense mental health crisis that I have since recovered from. This experience has led me to want to stop putting people, things, and experiences into buckets labeled ‘good’ and ‘bad,’ which I realized had been a huge source of suffering in my life. Almost immediately, the subject of my dad’s death came to mind and when I truly looked at it and the effects it had on my life, I realized that his death has led to nearly everything that followed.

To keep it short, I wouldn’t have begun a relationship with the woman who later became my wife for over 17 years. That decision led to opportunities and other decisions that have led my life to where it is today. And though I’m now twice-divorced and live alone (also things that have been removed from the ‘bad’ bucket), I am more satisfied with my life than I ever have been.

I still miss my dad. I still wish I could have known him as an adult. I wish I could ask him about his time in the Vietnam War. I wish he had been around to see me get married and graduate college. Despite all that, I’ve made my peace with his death and recognize that, in a way, his death gave birth to my life as it is today.

D’Lo’s time in prison defined him:

When I think about the most defining moments in my life, my time in prison is at the top of the list. It was a period filled with challenges, pain, and a constant struggle to hold onto hope. Prison stripped me of my freedom, my autonomy, and at times, my faith in myself. But it also became the crucible that forged the person I am today. I had to confront not just the circumstances of being incarcerated but also the parts of myself that led me there. The isolation, the violence, and the sheer weight of time are things you carry long after you’ve left.

One of the hardest and most humbling experiences during that time was my role as a prison firefighter. It might sound like just another job, but it was so much more. We were risking our lives, battling massive blazes with minimal training and resources, knowing the work we did would never be fully acknowledged. There’s a unique resilience you build standing in front of a wall of fire with nothing but a tool, knowing the stakes and yet feeling invisible. The physical and emotional demands were immense, but they taught me discipline, teamwork, and how to keep going even when the odds felt insurmountable.

Both of these experiences have shaped me in profound ways. At the time, I never imagined I would draw from those moments as material for storytelling. But now, as a writer and director, I’ve found that those experiences hold a truth and depth that resonate far beyond me. They’ve given me a perspective I wouldn’t trade, even though I wouldn’t wish the journey on anyone else.

Learning to use those moments as fuel for my creativity has been its own process. It’s about turning something that once felt like a weight into a source of power. It’s about finding the humanity in stories that are often overlooked or misunderstood. The person I am today—as a filmmaker, a storyteller, and a human being—is someone who has grown not in spite of those moments but because of them. I’ve learned to embrace the complexity of my journey, honor where I’ve been, and channel that into something that can inspire and connect with others.

I never thought I would be doing this. I never thought those hard years would become the foundation of my voice as an artist. But here I am, using what once felt like my lowest points to build something greater.

Finally, death can serve as a prompt to live:

My niece committed suicide a few years ago. She was beautiful and vibrant, musically talented, intelligent, and I never would have thought she would choose not to live her life.

It was and still is the most painful experience I’ve ever had, losing her. But in the wake of it, I realized, if it could happen to her, it could happen to me. I could lose my will to live if I had too many miserable days in a row, and so I resolved to leave an industry I hated, technology, and dive into one I loved, mental health.

It took years of hard work and some extreme lifestyle adjustments, but now I’m a private practice therapist, and it’s been the most rewarding change of my life.

I now work part-time in a supportive environment that encourages self-care and healthy boundaries. My job requires me to take good care of myself so I can take care of others, and I get to help other people feel better too.

Now every time I have a recurring negative experience or emotion, I think, let’s make sure this doesn’t become my reason to not live this life.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast