What You Really Need

61 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

Three things for you to think about

• You don’t need your partner. You need to be loved.
• You don’t need your job. You need to feel secure.
• You don’t need to be beautiful, cool, or popular. You need to feel appreciated.

Stop mistaking the things that provide for your needs as the needs themselves.

Two things for you to ask yourself

What people or objects are you mistaking for your needs? What actual needs are they fulfilling?

One thing for you to try this week

Find a healthier way to fulfill one of your needs. Let me know how it goes.

New This Week

Video: 3 Questions That Determine 99% of Your Happiness

People like to make happiness complicated, but it’s actually quite simple. In this video, I break down the only three questions that actually matter when it comes to happiness, explain them using cotton candy, a backflipping dog, and toy cars. Enjoy.

Podcast: Mastering Resilience, AI’s Unstoppable Rise, and Can We Truly Change?

Resilience isn’t just about gritting your teeth and enduring pain—it’s about managing the stories you tell yourself. In this latest podcast episode, I break down why most people get resilience wrong and how mastering the “second arrow” is the real key to bouncing back. We dive into post-traumatic growth, why caring about something bigger than yourself makes you stronger, and how focusing on what you can control changes everything.

We also talk about AI—how it’s not here to save or destroy humanity, but it is going to change everything. We look at how AI is already transforming creative and knowledge-based jobs, why you should be using it right now, and what you can do to stay ahead. Plus, we tackle the ultimate question: Can people change? That three-word question is a lot more complex than it seems. Check it out.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to get a little better at something you want to be great at.

My prompt hit home for one reader:

This week’s journal prompt is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, especially with the recent obsession with manifesting.

I want to be an illustrator and sell my art online, so I got it into my head that I needed a ‘winner’s’ mentality—that in order to be great, I had to believe it. And sure, believing in yourself is important, but I was using that as an excuse to ignore the actual work. I avoided the real work of sketching, learning perspective, and mastering the basics of art because, honestly, that stuff is boring and hard. Every day, you’re faced with the reality that you’re not as good as you want to be.

So instead, I distracted myself with manifesting—doing meditations to explore different dimensions and even dabbling in sex magic (look it up). But I’ve come to realize that being a great artist isn’t about sitting around imagining success. It’s about obsessing over my projects, doing exercises, meticulously analyzing my work, and constantly looking for ways to improve.

I finally understand that I don’t need to buy another book or attend some seminar. There’s no fame or fortune to chase, and I don’t need to hunt for confidence—those things are just a byproduct of showing up every day, doing the work, and committing to getting better.

In the newsletter, I also talked about how believing we’re already special stops us from becoming truly great. But it’s also possible to err in the opposite direction, as Lilley reflects:

For years now, if not all my life, I’ve been extremely self-critical to the point where I sometimes don’t even see myself as a good person. I’ve often felt surprised when my partner, friends, colleagues or business connections have spoken highly of me and implied that I am somehow remarkable. My partner and my therapist have both recently challenged me to question why it is that I always react in surprise when this happens.

I suppose, the straightforward answer is that on the one hand, I really just don’t see myself as special (I feel like my accomplishments pale in comparison to what I still want to contribute to the world), and on the other hand, I’m still working on quieting that asshole voice at the back of my mind that refuses to forgive me for past mistakes and tells me that nothing good I do can balance the bad.

But other than needing to quiet the asshole voice that causes me to engage in self-flagellation, I think the answer actually lies in the first part of my previous sentence. I’m surprised when I learn how much people like or respect me because I have very high standards for myself, and while I do need to learn to give myself grace, to actually value what I already put out there, and to stop chasing my tail in an attempt to finally judge myself worthy of praise, the quality that causes me to constantly challenge myself to do more and strive to be better is actually a big part of why some people admire me. So the fact that I try is what makes me good enough.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast