The Secret to Being a Functional Adult

66 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

One thing for you to think about

Maturity is the ability to prioritize values before feelings.

The child does what feels right, the adult does what is right.

Two things for you to ask yourself

Think of a time you did what felt right instead of what was right. How did that turn out? If you could, what would you do differently?

One thing for you to try this week

Do one thing this week that isn’t pleasant but is the right thing to do. Let me know if it was worth it.

New This Week

Podcast: How to Set Goals and Create Healthy Habits in 2025

In this special New Year’s episode, we dive into the perennial challenge of making meaningful changes in our lives. Rather than falling into the “new year, new you” trap that leads most people to abandon their resolutions by February, Drew and I explore a different approach to personal transformation. We share our own struggles with perfectionism, control, and finding purpose.

We also dig into some research about how evolution may have shaped our sense of purpose, the science of habit formation, and offer practical strategies for making lasting changes. Whether you’re setting goals for the new year or just trying to build better habits, this episode will help you approach personal growth with more wisdom and less pressure in 2025. Enjoy.

I’m Hiring: Course Development & Community Manager

I’m hiring a Course Development & Community Manager to help develop my content into highly actionable and transformational programs that get people results. If you have 3+ years of experience in adult learning and online course creation, are passionate about personal development, and enjoy connecting people and creating shared experiences, I want to hear from you.

Click the link below to learn more and apply by Sunday January 12th, 2025. This is a full-time position open to candidates globally.

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to destroy a part of yourself you’ve always wanted to do away with.

Our first reader let go of an identity that was no longer serving them:

I realized recently that a huge part of my identity was someone who ‘made it on her own’—no parents, nobody’s financial support—just sheer willpower and hard work since I left a physically, verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive household at 18.

Although this seems great and ‘admirable’ on paper, it wasn’t serving me. The result of my being this way was burnt out, lonely, and unfulfilled despite it all. I have been sick and exhausted and have felt that I lost my sense of self in exchange for listlessness and materialism.

I decided this month I was going to kill that part of my identity and completely ‘try on’ a whole new identity—one who loved her family unconditionally, one who is kind, one who is forgiving, someone without ego or righteousness.

I came home for Christmas and saw my dad—54 and just had a stroke a month prior—was unable to speak coherently or walk without a cane, and was extremely frail. I had not spoken to him since 2016. Old me would have said, ‘He got what he deserved.’ In fact, if I were to be completely honest, I used to wish for his death. But this Christmas, seeing him that way broke a whole new part of me and I decided to honor my word to be someone forgiving and one who loved her family unconditionally.

I decided to hold his hand and share that I missed him and I know it was difficult for him to raise me back in the day and that I forgave him. He broke down crying in my arms and hugged me, even apologizing and admitting to me that he was a bad father—words I never thought he would say. From this, I was also able to reconnect with my younger brothers, now teenagers, and be there for them as I always wanted to.

After getting my family back, I realized how none of my success or material things even mean anything to me anymore because all I really wanted all along was to be able to bring my family up in life with me. I truly feel transformed on a spiritual level and although getting my family back has opened a whole new box of things I worry about, they feel more real to me than any other ‘problem’ I was experiencing in my previous day-to-day. I feel like I have my humanity and heart back.

Jenny is rebuilding herself:

My breakthrough from today’s email is all about growth and change, which has been a recurring theme for me the past couple of years.

In 2022, I got laid off from my corporate leadership role in the startup tech world. After 18 years of being the go-to ‘worker bee,’ my entire identity was tied up in work. I’d never struggled to land a job before—I had a great network, and something always came through. But this time? Totally different story.

I faced over 400 rejections (yep, I counted), and all I could find were part-time contract gigs that barely paid the bills. But here’s the twist—they actually lit me up. I didn’t expect that.

With some extra time on my hands, a friend handed me a junky old table from her basement. For some reason, I didn’t see trash—I saw potential. So, I rolled up my sleeves, binged YouTube videos, awkwardly cornered Lowe’s employees for tips, and somehow figured out how to fix it up. The result? Gorgeous.

That one project started a chain reaction. I began rescuing more furniture, fixing it up, and selling it. Instagram became a treasure trove of friends offering me their old pieces. Now, I spend most days covered in paint and sawdust—and honestly? I’ve never felt more alive. It made me rethink this whole idea of work. Like, what if it’s supposed to feel this good?

This year, 2024, felt like the year where I could finally see a tiny bit of the ‘muscle definition’ I’ve been working toward the last couple of years. All those messy moments of growth—every rejection, every hard conversation with myself—started to pay off. I felt a little bit stronger, more capable, and a new version of me that I didn’t even know existed.

This whole journey has taught me so much about who I am. Turns out my self-worth was way lower than I ever realized. I was (and still working through it) a people pleaser to the extreme—always caregiving, always over-giving. But somewhere in all this change, I stopped caring so much about other people’s expectations. That shift stirred up fears I didn’t even know I had, but facing them has made me braver than I thought possible.

I even started a podcast, something I never imagined myself doing. It’s all about career pivots and the messy, beautiful process of starting over. Just like with the furniture, I didn’t know how to do it at first, but I figured it out.

Looking back, I see how much growth can look like chaos while it’s happening. But when the dust settles, you start to see the strength you’ve built—the kind you didn’t know you had in you.

Here’s to more breakthroughs and flexing those growth muscles in 2025!

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast