Say “No” Often

148 people had breakthroughs this week. Will the next one be you?

One thing for you to think about

Loving others requires knowing how to say “yes.”

Loving yourself requires knowing when to say “no.”

Two things for you to ask yourself

Do you feel comfortable saying “no” to the people in your life? If not, why?

One thing for you to try this week

Say “no” to one thing or person that’s not good for you. If you don’t know how, here are a few ideas:

1. “Thanks, but that doesn’t work for me…”
2. “I appreciate X about what you’re saying, but I can’t get on board because of Y…”
3. “I have a rule: if it’s not a fuck yes then it’s a no. And this isn’t a fuck yes for me.”
4. “My new year’s resolution in 2025 is that I don’t say ‘yes’ to anything that could potentially cause me to want to claw my own eyes out, so… no.”
5. “I’d rather drink bleach and bake a cake made out of dog shit than do that… so, abso-fucking-lutely not.”

Let me know what the thing was you said “no” to, and how much better you feel now that’s no longer in your life.

New This Week

Podcast: How to Find the Mindsets that Work for You (ft. Derek Sivers)

I’ve got a special podcast episode for you today. I sat down in person with my longtime friend and first-ever podcast guest, Derek Sivers. We haven’t recorded live before, and honestly, it shows—in the best way. It’s raw, weird, and filled with the kind of conversations we usually have when we’re just hanging out together.

We dig into Derek’s new book Useful, Not True, and the big idea behind it: that our beliefs don’t need to be true to be helpful. That spins off into everything from remixing creative influences (metal + Dixieland jazz, anyone?) to why most podcasts—including mine—have gotten painfully predictable. We talk artistic reinvention, Bob Dylan, Bowie, Miles Davis, why most “thought leaders” are just regurgitating each other’s ideas, and why I’m ending the podcast as you know it—and what’s next!

We also dive into the deeper stuff: the emotional power of belief, authenticity vs. performative vulnerability, therapy culture, and why sometimes the most liberating thing you can do is reject what everyone else thinks is necessary—relationships, kids, all of it.

This was one of the most honest, meandering, and creatively energizing conversations I’ve had in a while. If you’re into big questions, unconventional ideas, and the occasional musical metaphor, this one’s for you. Enjoy.

I’m Hiring!

I’m hiring two positions this time: a YouTube/Social Media Script Writer (two years’ experience required) and a Growth Marketer for a consumer AI app (this is a senior role that will work closely with founders).

Check out the individual job descriptions to learn more about the roles, who we’re looking for, and how to apply. The application deadline is this Sunday April 13th for the Script Writer role, and April 25th for the Growth Marketer role.

Apply to be our Script Writer

Apply to be our Growth Marketer

Last week’s breakthroughs

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to define success in a way that aligns with your values and desires.

Our first reader was inspired to redefine success by his nine-year-old:

I’m writing this from Disney World. I’d never been. But more importantly, neither had my daughter. My wife and I really wanted to surprise her with a trip before she turned ten. We know childhood’s not going to last much longer.

In the months-long planning and small fortune we paid to get down here, I found myself stressed, annoyed, and over-eager to get to the park early in the morning. I thought about how my parents couldn’t afford to take me as a kid, and now that I can give that to my daughter, I have to make sure it’s a good experience for her. It’ll probably be her only childhood experience here.

So I’m rushing to get her out the door while thinking about the timing of the shuttle, where we’re going to get breakfast, and when we need to be in line for our first ride, and she’s just pointing to Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket on an evacuation sign in our hotel room. She’s so tickled by how they’re telling us to check when someone knocks and how we should lock the door behind us, saying, ‘Dad, dad, look at this!’

And that’s when I remembered your email and thought about a definition of success I had a while back.

To me, a truly successful person never has to divide their attention.

I think my success as a father and husband involves being able to pay for this trip and meticulously plan every detail. But if I spend this whole week grumpily rushing my family from one experience to the next, worried about what we might be missing if we’re late, I’d still be failing them no matter how successful my plan was on paper.

My daughter marveling over safety literature in a hotel room (completely at peace with the moment and place she’s in) is far more successful than me. I always have multiple things on my mind, making plans for tomorrow, ruing moments from yesterday, thinking about work at night, and plotting a better future while on the job.

No matter how hard you work, you can still end up a failure.

I need to remember I can be successful any moment I choose. All I have to do is breathe, and be where I am.

Amanda’s success is challenging herself:

I’ve already achieved success this year as we said a big “F U” to the US and moved abroad.

Unrelated to politics actually, and I really do love our home in the US, but our life was getting a wee bit too… comfortable.

Our three kids were thriving. My husband and I both like our jobs. We still like each other, for that matter! So where’s the growth? Where’s the challenge? What’s next?

Three weeks ago, we packed up and left our most beautiful, comfortable, cozy life in a very safe, homogenous place where we have a dreamy village of wonderful friends and family, where our boys (6, 9, and 12) are super active in all the sports, and where we donate time and talent and money to various local organizations.

We’re currently in Kenya for two months, and then will be heading to Suriname, South America for another ten months starting in May. We have family here in Kenya, but we don’t know a single soul nor the language (Dutch) in Suriname. I mean, we’re learning it! But this is wild.

These first two weeks abroad have been exciting and adventurous. We walk the village paths regularly and say ‘Mulembe!’ to the locals, who giggle every single time we ‘wazunga’ (white people/foreigners) make an attempt to say ‘hi’ in their tribal language.

It’s also been challenging and impossibly hot, especially coming straight to the equator from a very cold winter in northern Wisconsin.

I started a new blog, and am sharing our experiences with friends and family all over. My perpetual fear of judgment rears its ugly head every time I’m about to post, but I’m doing it. And people are responding! Over 100 subscribers so far, heyo! And that’s just in the first couple weeks. Anyway, thanks for asking the question and thanks even more for reading.

And finally, Nicky made a difficult decision:

This week I faced a decision that asked me to keep or change my definition of success. After months of unemployment after getting fired, I had two job offers. One was my literal dream job with dream compensation and ideal career experience. The other would pay less but was aligned with my personal values and fit well into my life, which has a lot more in it now than just a high-performance job and drinking with friends.

I consulted my supportive friends and family, and tuned into my feelings about both options. I found that I felt relaxed and calm when considering the mission-based job and afraid when considering the high-performance job. I was afraid about my ability to succeed and whether it would consume my life, like it had last time. I also felt fear about saying no, since that meant also saying no to the money and prestige that have always defined my identity.

I chose the mission-based job that will support my newfound healthy lifestyle, including my sense of meaning and purpose. It was extremely difficult to let go of that dream and my lifelong identity. I think my decision was a huge vote for a new identity based on healthy values, and I think I’ll be happier for it.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
My Website – My Books – My YouTube Channel – My Podcast