Many years ago, I got a last-minute invitation to a big and fancy charity ball. That probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but living in New York City, “big fancy charity ball” is another name for an event where insanely rich and famous people get together to circle-jerk about how rich and famous they are.
At the time, my book was at the top of all the bestseller lists and it was that brief period in human history where I was considered a “hip” and “cool” person for obscenely rich people to invite to these sorts of things. There were a couple A-list Hollywood actors who were going to be there. A number of Congressmen and Senators too. I think Howard Stern was rumored to be going or something. It sounded like a big fucking deal… you know, if you’re into that sort of thing.
My invitation was last-minute (clearly signaling that I was this person’s, like, fifth choice, but whatever). I found out maybe two days before the event. I’d have to buy/rent a tux. I’d have to spend an absolutely embarrassing amount of money on dinner. I’d have to pretend to like a bunch of people …
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