My Girlfriend Just Dumped Me

My Girlfriend Just Dumped Me

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Guest post by Samer.

It feels like you got shot in the gut, you’re confused, and you don’t know what to do. I know there’s a ton of expert material out there on this, but this is different for one reason: I just got dumped too, and yeah, it fucking hurts. I’m writing this for myself as much as I am for you. I’m no guru, no natural; I’m only a hurt guy next to you. And we’re gonna pull each other out of this mess. What we do right now, bloodied and battered, is what defines us as men. We can choose be pussies, lay on the cold ground and await the artillery of emotion, or we can choose to become the stuff of legends.

So tie a rag around that fresh wound, know it’s going to give you hell, and let’s get the fuck out of this miserable place. We’re charging ahead, limp and all. Feel the pain like a bodybuilder feels the burn of that last rep. Feel it! Accept its presence. Yes, it exists. Yes, it’s intense. But it exists to be conquered, and you’re the only guy that can do it. Don’t back down, don’t back off. You’re built to overcome this. Yeah, it’s damn tough, but so what? It’s the difficult things that develop us.

Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, pull up your Big Boy Pants, and never forget this is for the best. I promise. Your mission is to prosper without her; to be independent. The way you handle this emotional scar will determine if it’s a bad-ass battle wound or a permanent emotional deformity.

Antoine de Saint-Exúpery said in Wind, Sand, and Stars: “What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” So let’s take the next few steps together:

  1. Accept It. It’s over, man. She’s gone. This is the hardest part for me. Even if she comes back, do you really want a girl who rejected you? You should never accept a girl who doubts your potential as a boyfriend. If Eva Longoria doesn’t see my potential, she doesn’t deserve me. If she dumped you for shit you need to clean out of your life, then you need to fix them independent of anybody else.

    Every time I catch myself thinking about her, I repeat out loud: “Neediness leaving the body.” Don’t wallow over your loss. Be thankful for the good times you shared, and use it as motivation to find the next girl! Your worth has nothing to do with her approval of you. If you think about it, we don’t really miss HER, we miss the IDEA of her.  We miss a lost-wax casting of her; we don’t miss her as much as her effect on us. We miss being with someone who is attractive, smart, funny, and likes us. But guess what? That’s not her anymore. The irony is, if we ever end up with her again, it can only be because we prospered without her.

  2. Do Not Blame Yourself. It’s so tempting to jump down the rabbit hole and obsess over “what if I did X or didn’t do Y? Would things be different?” Frankly, it doesn’t matter. It’s part of the past, and the past is dead. We are who we choose to be today, and that is the only thing we can control.

    Guilt over the past and worry over the future are both useless emotions that retard our ability to live today in relaxed confidence. I yell out loud “Stop! Stop! Stop!” every time I begin to entertain thoughts of self-pity. Don’t let anything interfere with your ability to enjoy today.

    On your deathbed, this is a non-event.

  3. Act Attractive. She may still want to be your friend. She may hate your guts. She may send mixed signals. She may call and text all the time. She may never contact you again. She may act aloof, and still call you to wish you a happy birthday (this happened to me at the time of writing). She may be PMSing and doing all the above. None of it should affect you. Public Enemy #1 is to overreact. Most guys will behave out of anger or anxiety; both are forms of unearned worship. Take her off the pedestal and don’t read into her actions. Don’t try to figure out why she would do this or that. There are too many variables to know the motivations behind that particular action at that particular time. Over-analyzing never added a second to anyone’s life. You’re an independent, socially adept guy and you’re going to be fine with or without her. If you have to alter your identity to win her, she’s a waste of your time.

    Be cool and focus on what’s in your control, not what she’s doing. Don’t go out of your way to talk to her, and don’t go out of your way to avoid her. Both are reactive. Allow yourself a narrow range of laid back reactions to her, because it’s not about her anymore. She’s not that big of a deal. She doesn’t hold the power to piss you off, confuse you, or give you butterflies. A good rule of thumb here is to scale back your interaction according to the severity of your pain; the more you hurt, the less you should talk. If she keeps calling you, calmly tell her, “Hey, I appreciate it, but I don’t see the point in us talking any more. I don’t see you as only a friend, so please respect that.”

    Success here is defined by the degree to which you show she doesn’t affect your emotional state. Don’t interact with her until you can be relaxed and confident about it.

  4. Do Not Chase Her. Not only does this drive her away, but it reveals a need to change her. That’s not what relationships are about. Psychologist Wayne Dyer sums it up perfectly in Your Erroneous Zones:

    “A relationship based on love… is one in which each partner allows the other to be what he chooses, with no expectations and no demands. It is a simple association of two people who love each other so much that each would never expect the other to be something that he wouldn’t choose for himself. It is a union of independence, rather than dependence.”

    She is who she is, and you shouldn’t try to change her. Respect her choice, and don’t be deluded into acting like she’s the only girl for you. She may have had chemistry with you for that period of time, but she’s not the last cup of water in the Sahara; you don’t need her. You may feel like you do, but you don’t. You need food. You need air and water. You need an unconditional faith in yourself. You don’t need women.

    Besides, believing she is better than everyone else is an insult to the literally millions of other girls that you would find attractive and intelligent. I remember when my girl walked away, it felt like that entire demographic of girls walked away with her.

    “I’ll never find someone like her.” Don’t believe that shit! Whatever her characteristics (black, white, athletic, Christian, Muslim, intelligent, funny, caring, driven, laid back, etc.), THERE ARE MORE LIKE HER.

    Fuck that, there are more better than her.

    Your lack of discovery in no way makes her special.

    Disclaimer: I highly recommend taking some time off to get over her before jumping back in the dating scene. The timing is different for everyone, but generally you should wait until you can avoid comparing the new girl to your ex; the new girl deserves a blank slate. And rather than boosting your lay count, focus on finding a girl of similar or higher quality than your ex.

  5. Get Rid of Any Reminders of Her (within reason). Every day on my commute, I pass three road signs for an exit adorning her first name, followed by another exit with her nationality. These factors are out of my control, and I give them a Jay-Z brush off my shoulder every time. Everything that’s in your control? Get rid of it. You need to get your mind off this girl. Life is too short to sacrifice even one second of your sanity, so change the station immediately when Gavin Degraw’s “Not Over You” – or any other shitty breakup song – comes to haunt your ears.

    The past is dead. Leave it in the grave instead of reliving it.

  6. Do Not Be Jealous. Don’t compare yourself to the people she talks to and dates. Her choices reflect only on her, not you. Your self-worth is high regardless (whether you perceive it that way or not). Jealousy is a result of allowing something out of your control to dictate your emotions.

    Never show signs of jealousy. Let her go. That’s attractive.

  7. Hang Out With Friends Every Day. Self explanatory. Exhaust your Contacts list until you’ve hung out with everyone who lives in town and talked on the phone with everyone who doesn’t.Friends are a wonderful resource to keep your spirits up.
     
  8. Do Not Check Her Facebook. If you can resist looking at her profile, then unsubscribe from her Facebook updates so it doesn’t appear in your News Feed. If you can’t resist, quietly defriend her. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and don’t tell anyone. If anyone brings it up to you, admit you defriended her and you did it because you felt like it.

    You don’t owe anyone further explanation or justification; it’s your choice and you live by your own standards.

  9. Throw Yourself into Hobbies/Work. Take something on your bucket list you and do something today to take a step toward it. You have no excuse! Every large undertaking ever accomplished was broken down into steps small enough to be done in a single day. If you want to be a pilot, find a program and research classes. If you want to go sky diving, call and commit to a day. If you want a six pack, focus on eating clean and working today. Take a step each and every day toward your goal, and how can you not reach it?Don’t let money constrain you. Create a savings account and deposit a set amount each month (before you even spend on food!) until you have enough. I’d rather die hungry than have dreams unfulfilled.

    The intensity of your goals should at least match the degree of your emotional investment in the girl. If you’re still obsessed about her, you’re not busy and focused enough.

  10. Refocus Daily. Dr. Dyer sums it up perfectly: “You have become habituated in mental patterns that identify the causes of your feelings as outside yourself. You have put in thousands of hours of reinforcement for such thinking, and you’ll need to balance the scale with thousands of hours for new thinking.” Pull the lesson from it and move on, but never search for the lesson at the expense of moving on.

Remember, it is never the calm seas that reveal the strength of a vessel. The way you weather the storm shows what material you’re made of. You’ll make it.

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116 Comments

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  • Reply

    Aryan

    16 weeks ago

    I really Thankful to you, Mark . the way u suggested us that ll help alot to get out of this. I was been in Relnsp for 6 months, but she cheated me for another guy… i was having d evidence that i could even break her current Relnsp but what it will give to me ? nothing Trust can’t b obtained again ..but u know we stupid guys hv dis problem if we love a girl deeply we totally depend on her but.. i would suggest that…being with ur gf dosnt means she ll b d final choice…but thankfully she is out, she is bo more there to waste my life… God. bless her , i would say this much only… !

    Dannah Rianne

    • Reply

      James

      9 weeks ago

      I like this article as it has been almost a month since she left me. My problem is that I’m still wanting or needing some kind of closure. I blame myself and beat myself up over it even tho she says it’s all on her…. It kills me because I’m not the one thats had lot’s of relationships or can walk some place and have girls wanting me or go up to any girl and talk to them. So what little self worth confidence or anything else that got this girl to like me is now shattered and gone. It makes me feel like shit like I’m not worthy of a girl to love me or anything. And not having friends to go to sucks even more. Being with her made me feel more alive motivated and happy than anything. I could care less about anything else than to have her. Or someone else

  • Reply

    Aryan

    16 weeks ago

    I really Thankful to you, Mark . the way u suggested us that ll help alot to get out of this. I was been in Relnsp for 6 months, but she cheated me for another guy… i was having d evidence that i could even break her current Relnsp but what it will give to me ? nothing Trust can’t b obtained again ..but u know we stupid guys hv dis problem if we love a girl deeply we totally depend on her but.. i would suggest that…being with ur gf dosnt means she ll b d final choice…but thankfully she is out, she is bo more there to waste my life… God. bless her , i would say this much only… !
    Dannah Rianne

  • Reply

    umesh

    15 weeks ago

    Really thankful to you mark. This is really helping me out. After four years of relationship she left me alone for another guy and this is what hurting me the most. But i know its time to move on as life doesn’t ends here. But its really becoming very difficult for me to move on from here.

  • Reply

    Cathal

    15 weeks ago

    Great article, great advice. I love the analogy of being an old weather beaten Galleon. Some people dream at night of themselves as being like houses – I dream of being a tall-ship on the open seas, in the roughest of conditions. Great to know that there are others out there like you guys, and thanks for the virtual hug!! Let’s stay tough and cut those new waters in a vanguard attack fleet of biblical proportions. (just a little salty brine from my tear ducts drips).

  • Reply

    rick

    14 weeks ago

    i would have said “great article” or “great advices” but my noble mind speaks loud: are you an idiot? i mean i don’t know about you but many of these points have many flaws and yet you encourage the weak minds of the broken hearts with these advices.

    here’s an example:

    “accept it” what? we should accept the fact that everybody get their hearts broken and accept it? what about embrace it? or deal with it? or fix your problems which is specifically yours as individual. not from the masses.

    “do not blame yourself” really? then who are we to blame when there’s always a reason that led relationships hit rock bottom. we should of blame ourselves when there are actions or efforts we did not make for our loves? maybe we should blame the goddamn cupid and throw blind love away because you said “do not blame yourself”. fuck that. take your responsibilities and fix your mistakes because you are a man.

    “act attractive” uh? are we fucking peafowls because our attractive boosts our confidences and make us independent? well, that’s what prostitutes and shallow people are for, so they can throw a pretty boy whose heart was broken and need to find another one that will make him or her better? that’s some narcissist crap. use intelligent and focus on what you are going to do, not act attractive to make someone jealous. that’s stupid.

    “do not chase her” that’s a good point, depending on the situation as you quoted Psychologist Wayne Dyer about love, well guess what? you didn’t chase her because you wanted respect and you wanted be more rational. however, not chasing someone for love is not something that respect ought to be earned, after all, love makes us stupid and we make stupid choices for love, there’s nothing rational about it. yet you mentioned “there are more better than her” what are you talking about? are you sure you have been in love? because that’s the thing about someone, there’s always someone in your life who made you feel like she made you happy or whatever, not some 15 minutes talk with a someone you just met on a blind date and have your mind say “damn, she’s better than the other!”, that’s some bullshit. they are humans (although i consider them repulsive) who has better skills, better intelligence, better manners, better talents. they simply are who they are, there’s nothing about more better than “her”, in fact there is no such thing as “there are more better than her” wake up.

    “Get Rid of Any Reminders of Her” no arguing here but you should know better, our past makes us who we are because we learn from our mistakes and unfortunately it’s impossible to forget easily and the reason is that someone who broke your heart is already in your mind, just like your mom, your dad, your brothers and sisters and significant others are already in your mind because you had great experiences and memories and that will be in your mind for the rest of your life. it’s impossible to forget them at all. you or people just have to embrace it.

    “Do not be jealous” first you recommend to accept it and then you write do not be jealous. i’m confused with the whole concept of theses. if you accept it, you don’t have to be jealous because you have already accepted it but if you are being jealous of her, then you are not accepting the fact. so, which one goes first? accept it like a man or weep with jealousy? well, i guess some things never change.

    “Hang Out With Friends Every Day” okay. let’s take it into perspective, should we? you got your heart broken and then hanging out with friends every day with the heart broken, you go out at a bar and get drunk and then you tell your friends about your situation and the next day you don’t remember anything because you got shitfaced. okay, that’s helpful (kind of) but remember, hanging out with friends is only for the group’s interests, not yours. besides at the end of the day, you’ll wound up in bed with a bottle of whiskey and cry over her.

    “Do not check her Facebook” i got a better one: erase her facebook from your goddamn contacts or even better, erase all about her in social network sites. that’s how people move on with anticipation, not checking her facebook, come on. it’s a good think i don’t have a facebook profile or anything, it’s useless (sorry, personal thoughts)

    “Throw Yourself into Hobbies/Work” fair enough except there is a fact and that is we are “SUPPOSE” to throw ourselves into hobbies or work. it’s one of the important things we do in life, just like you writing this article for everybody. there’s no secret about it.

    “Refocus Daily” did we just get born yesterday? how is that we are suppose to focus something again or change a new direction? we’re only persons that live to learn every little thing in this world before we die. we’re lucky to be alive to see the world and explore everything. don’t fret yourself. just live life, she broke your heart big deal. there’s 7 billion of people and i can assure you everyone of them had their hearts broken and it will happen again every one second.

    so, either embrace it or deal it. it’s not that difficult. everybody need their own space and they can move forward easily in their own way.

  • Reply

    Roger

    14 weeks ago

    This is great article. It really hits home what needs to get done to pull yourself together, grow and move forward. I’m 30 and about a month into single life again after nearly 3 years in a relationship and being dumped. Up until we said our last goodbyes, I tired to salvage anything I could, but it was too late. It’s been the hardest month of my life. I never thought love could do this me, but I’m no different than any of you guys. Every week that goes by it seems to hurt less; nonetheless, the pain remains and I don’t know how long it will be there.

    It was my first true love and I had my legitimate faults (only knowing the single life and inexperience sharing my life with someone else), but what’s done is done. At this point nothing I do will change what happened. The good thing is that I learned to share my life with someone, even if it was too late. The only thing to do now is to use that experience to grow as an individual. I don’t know if I’ll have another shot with her, but it doesn’t matter now.

    Every guy leaving a comment seems like a genuinely good person. Some of the things that happened in our relationships were mistakes and other were just issues of incompatibility. Guys, the only thing that matters is that we focus on ourselves and strive to be the best and happiest people we can. Everything else will fall in place in due time. How we get there is different for all of us, but a lot of the advise in this article is a good start.

  • Reply

    Ruslan

    14 weeks ago

    Just before i say anything sorry for my spelling im from Ukraine. I just went through a break up after 3 years with the girl i loved or still love, She did this to me 3 times 2 of the lest times she always wanted me back but this is it. I feel lost and confused, don’t know if i should be pisst or down. I am a man that has a job as a psych ER Counselor, 4 year degree and works to supports myself. Still i don’t make much her family are all doctors and she is going to be a PA. She told me i was perfict but she was not happy where i was in my life… I dont know how to take it but i think im ma good guy and after reading your ardicle i feel like i can do this. I can get over her and fuck it its her loss I am a fucking catch.

    Thanks for it man

  • Reply

    Jan

    14 weeks ago

    Great article indeed! Thanks a lot bro! This really made me rethink of what I’m going through right now.

  • Reply

    Grimgreebo

    13 weeks ago

    Thank you very much for this post, i read it every time I’m feeling down (must of read it 50 times) about my breakup and it always reinforces il be ok without her. After 10 years, My ex dumped me 7 months ago, and after completely ignoring her for 4 months, she came back. After putting all my efforts into making changes to my life and trying to make it work she decided there was too much water under the bridge (selfish, self-absorbed bitch) and has recently left again. I now realise I can never forgive her for rejecting me (twice) and playing with my heart, especially after the ten years we had together. Thanks again!

  • Reply

    JP

    12 weeks ago

    totally works if you do what it says!

  • Reply

    Allen

    12 weeks ago

    Thank you so much man. My girlfriend of 5 years left me and our two children just to be with someone else, she left me 20 days after our baby girl had just turned 1and just before our 2 year old son was turning 3. Now truly what kind of a man, let alone what kind of a Father would I be to want someone like her back.
    There are millions of women out there that are 110% better than her.

    Thank You,
    Allen

  • Reply

    Amir

    11 weeks ago

    Great article, I was inspired. My girlfriend of almost 4 years has broken up with me, telling she’s unhappy and got tired of the conflicts in our relationship. I’ve tried winning her back, we tried to make it work for the second time but failed, she said we cannot work things out. It’s painful to see how my girl has fallen out of love, but I have nothing against her. It’s her decision to leave things the way it is. I gave her my best and did everything to make her happy but still we ended this way. After days of crying alone in my room and no eating, feel like it’s the end of the world for me. I am not a social person, I prefer staying at home that’s why it’s harder for me as I’m not into telling other people what’s been going on. Luckily, I have ran through this article and it really made me realize one thing, I have given her the best but she wasn’t able to see my worth. Nevertheless, I still wish her well and I’m thankful for the good memories we have,. One day I’ll get over her and move on with my life. I will remember this article, thank you for showing light! :D

  • Reply

    Jason Overberger

    11 weeks ago

    This is by far one of the best post-breakup bull crap helpers I have ever read (haha). It really makes you feel human. Not a sappy love story type human but a type that will live on. Things happen in life for a reason right, so her saying she wasn’t happy out of the blue is meant to be, right? Well, maybe. But I will take this article and live on friend. Thank you very much. BTW, that opening paragraph is gut-wrenching, what I’m feeling right now.

  • Reply

    Depression hit me hard . lol

    10 weeks ago

    I’m not someone who has been dumped/ditched by his gf. but someone who had to sacrifice the one girl whom he loved dearly and sincerely with all his soul-the first love. I had to ditch her because of her parents (no im not 10 lol ) . i respect her father and felt his pain -that’s what led me to this sacrifice lol. i got a new girlfriend or more of a rebound within a week after the break up -this clearly sounds cheap of me but i needed someone. i was lonely and barely alive. i didn’t have any intentions of being too serious with this girl and i knew she was gonna ditch me sooner or later..but things got out of hand as i took her way too seriously.. she keeps lying to me,hurting me by saying things…i know im not perfect,i know i have trust issues but i understand her whenever she explains something to me but she doesn’t want to “waste her time doing that”… my first gf still loves me shes crazy about me…i obviously have feelings for her too but i know i shouldn’t get back with her because it means hurting her parents and mine.. im taking medication for depression now and these days when my current gf really lost it with me she started talking like she doesn’t give a fking shit about me… my condition got worse and i really don’t know what to do…im so dumb that i blackmail her ill cut myself if she does and i cut myself so many times…she asks about it and asks for pics a couple of times and that’s it from her part…i really wanna ditch her but i cant..so i just burn and live…my trust issues and suicide mentality are really not something im doing on purpose -i know i cant blame everything on the depression

    I dont know if this is a blog or a page or whatever..but ur article gave me ideas on whats right and whats not …if u dont mind ..email me..thank you

  • Reply

    Obie82

    10 weeks ago

    After 4 years having a wonderful relationship with her, she cheated on me with a guy, after I found out the first time, she cried and apologized. I forgave her, acted cool,She promised not to contact the guy again and Changed her number(I bought) everything was getting back to normal, then one day I made the errors checking her phone,I found out she was still seeing the same guy and that’s when I lost my cool and all my swagger, I went totally crazy inside, like a wounded lion, stormed her work place caught them together in her room,found out she was spending most of her days with him,I lost all controls(but no fight).called her some not too nice words, raised my voice on her, and it’s what made it worse cos after that our little fight, the other guy then started showing more and more care and attention to her ,showering her with gifts, taking her outs to clubs every night cos he knows we r currently having issues, she have now become so attached to him that she is now telling me to fuck off, and to leave her alone with he other guy. The one that hurts more is that she knows that the other guy has a gf, almost engaged to him but she still wants to stay with him.
    My problem right now is that I love this girl a lot, she is my happiness, my all. I always wish and pray that some miracle will happen and she will come back to her senses and then come back to me, that guy is a bad influence on her, he is a drug user, drinks a lot, party a lot. Moves around with a pocket knife

    • Reply

      Still Mr. U

      2 weeks ago

      Obie82,

      Looks like this girl is attracted to the “extreme sports” and as it looks like you are investing too much,
      but she prefers to cheat and stay with the other guy, who actually can’t offer so much, because he is in relationship.

      Get your power and move on, even if the miracle happen, how you will trust her again, you will always live in paranoia.
      I was in similar situation and was fooled a lot, there were crocodile shades tears, but thing about it: Meeting somebody behind your back is disrespect!
      I recommend you to erase this person from your life and never look back again, even if she contacts you ( for ego stroke ), please don’t respond.
      In my case I was so angry and I couldn’t even pass near her ( we worked very close ), so I decided to respect myself and concluded,
      that I need to heal, because I couldn’t move on to respect the other girls, that wanted to have something with me. Finally I changed the city and I feel great!

      Good luck.

  • Reply

    marty

    10 weeks ago

    Hey, I got the old heave hoe 2 weeks ago now after 4 years & I gotta say untill I read this I was the pussy you talk about. Every thing you said makes total sense its kinda freaky its like I wrote it. Anyway I digress, just wanted to let you know it has really helped. I have bookmarked it & every time I find myself acting like a bitch I read this sucker & its like a tonic. Good on ya man. Many thanks from Ireland.

  • Reply

    mousa mansour

    10 weeks ago

    Thank you for this post , i got dumped last month after she got her dui and missing around with her new man , oh man when she got her dui i told her that was karma and it was, after 2 days to get her car out of the towing place her new man calling my house to check on her and what saying dont answer it …
    thank you a gain 5 years its on the trash now but i am glad i didnt have kids by her may be would be more worse thank you every time i think about her i read ur post a gain . when we love a girl we go deep with all are life we dont know that they will fuck your life up in one day …its sad man but we are men we stronger than what they are .
    i feel lost but now every time i read this post it make me feel its really about me and we have done what we can to get them back .

  • Reply

    Amr Salem

    10 weeks ago

    I had sex with a woman ten years older than me last year, did not treat her really nicely. Told her I was in love with another woman, younger and Asian. She took it well. Listened to me.
    Don’t know why but when I arrived in Asia last year, I started to miss the oldest one, maybe because it did not work well with the youngest one.
    I wrote her I missed her. She answered politely but never went on.
    2 months ago I met her again. We kissed. She told me she had sex without condoms with a relation she had those last past months.
    I don’t know what happened to me, but the morning I asked her to get her HIV test, that I was concerned about her catching a fungus.
    She refused to do to the test and went back with the same man instead, had sex without condoms again.

    She wrote me that or we had feelings for each others and she would do the test and we would be maybe faithful or at least we would have feelings for each others. Or it was for fun, and she wanted to have other relations, and having sex with condoms with me.

    I cut off with her, told her I was living with my brother, refused to see her again. But at the end, I don’t know who dumped who.

    The fact that I reacted so coldly to the fact she had sex without condom with someone else, does it mean I have feeling for her?

    She told me the only way for her to not fall for me again was to have other relations.

    She also told me, if I wanted her to do the HIV test, I should have asked nicely, driving her to the place and pay for it as she had no health insurance good enough, she is a tourist.

    We never had sex without condoms last year, she never accepted. Maybe I was jealous she could do it with someone else. I am trying to count my mistakes and hers.

    What went wrong?

  • Reply

    Vinny Mac

    8 weeks ago

    Wow, I read your article and for some reason it resounded more with me than any of those professionally written psychological break downs of someone getting over a break-up. I find myself being dumped by the same girl a second time over reasons I couldn’t control. The situation we were in makes it easy for me to avoid interaction, because it was a long distance thing. I have the hardest time with self-pity and potential prospects more than anything. I miss the reassurance more than I miss the actual relationship. No matter how hard of a time I had, I knew I had someone available there to be my confidant and support. While my friends have been amazing so far, it’s not really the same and I don’t blame anyone for that. Not her nor myself.

    Changing myself and forcing myself to do the things I was never confident to do is how I’ve been trying to get over the sting. The person I was before the break up was the person I was trying to be for her. Not in a “she forced me to change” kind of way, more so a “I wanted to be better for her” type of thing. But now I can’t be that person because it’s a constant reminder of my past and like you stated, the past is dead.

    I hope I didn’t come off ranting like a child or anything. Again, this article actually made me feel better just through the sheer and brimming confidence in your words and it made me laugh as well!

    I appreciated this article and I’ll definitely reread this when the low feeling comes around again.

  • Reply

    Dr Ugodoga

    6 weeks ago

    I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit. I was so devastated that i had an accident that left me bedridden. After 9 months of emotional pain and languish, a friend of mine introduced me to a certain spell caster, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell caster. I was introduced to DR Ugodoga ( A Spell Caster). In less than 72 hrs i saw wonders, my Lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle… am so happy.. Dr Ugodoga I have all kinds of spells from pregnancy to love,from employment to visa lottery winning. He has spell to stop divorce,spell to make someone look attractive and others. here’s his contact for serious minded people only, it might be of help….doctorugodogaspelltemplehome@gmailcom. wow Dr. Ugodoga…thanks am so grateful as you saved my life.

  • Reply

    Mike

    6 weeks ago

    Hi. Well I’ve been with my girl for around 10 months we had a wonderful time. when we first met she was so shy but anyone could tell that it was love from the first sight. we used to talk all night long, even watch movies online while talking on the phone. I was her first kiss and first deep love. And I told her from day one that Im serious about her and won’t be playing around. We used to fight sometimes, but a single miss u msg would sort thing out. Last December was her birthday, we fought 2 days before it and she said hurtful words so i didn’t text her or call her on her BD. I went back home and she started texting me after a couple of days, I accepted her apology and even spoke to my parents that I love this girl and really considered getting engaged. When she knew about it she was so happy and said that even if we don’t get engaged soon it’s ok as long as I’m serious and my parents know about her. She even started talkin to my mom as sisters. 1 week after we had another fight and kept NC for 10 days, then she suddenly came to my work and I was so happy that I even introduced her to my boss as my future fiance. The next day we had a silly fight, she started shouting then she didn’t pick up my calls , I changed my FB password we remained NC for 10 days. Then I tried to call and she said that everything is over, I told her no it is not we have to talk, she refused. I tried to contact her after some days and she didn’t answer, I even sent her flowers to her work and she refused them. Suddenly after 2 days she texted me that she’s gonna get engaged soon and that I shouldn’t call her and cause her troubles ( 2 weeks after the silly fight !!). I was shockeddd , I tried to call her maybe 60 times and sent like 10 messages and no answer !! I didn’t beleive her first as i thought she’s playing me. I kept trying to call and text for 1 week I even texted a lot on valentine’s eve . Then on my off day I went to check her sister’s FB page to find a picture of her in the engagement part. I paniced, felt knives cutting my heart. I texted her saying that she is such a cheater and doesn’t deserve my love. 2 days later she called crying saying she made a big mistake and she only got engaged to tease me and that she still loves me too much. I cried as well but said I couldn’t take her back. next day we spoke and texted and i still refused. After 2 days I called her to say that in case we could go back she should call the engagement off. She said yes but she can’t bcz her father will get mad and i should propose directly after she leaves the other guy. I refused sure and told her that we should wait a couple of months before we get engaged to cool the fire and for the sake of both parents. She refused and went to say that she would stick to the other guy and that she left me bcz of this and that I always tease her. I tried to call later and no answer. Until one day i texted her and she replied that i should forget her and she’s gonna get married. I saw her that day for 5 mins in a mall i hold her hands with tears in my eyes. She promised she will try her best to convince her father to leave that guy, but deep inside me I knew that won’t happen and the father will refuse.

    My doubts were true he refused and she told me we should forget each other and that she loves me and hates the other guy. I felt shattered, lost and wished to die. she kept calling every week saying that she loves me but her parents are pressuring her, and i kept saying that if she loves me u will rsik everything for me cz I will do the same for you.

    2 months ago i felt i miss her i called and she was like as if she is in control of me, she spoke in a mean way she even said the guy’s name instead of mine and said she will try to speak to her dad for the last time, I told her to tell him everything and that Im serious and ready to propose. 2 days later, she called saying he said noo and that she has to change her number and asked me not to call her. I knew it’s over so I planned a vaccation with friends to Thailand but though before I leave I should see her. I went to her work stared at her for 5 mins and she said that I shouldn’t be there. I left with tears and she called me before I boardeed tha plane and said she loves me and would never forget me in her life, but said that she would never regret anything cz she tried her best with her father, I said that this is not true and if she loved me how can she take a big decision like that knowing that it will end everything and even I asked her to come with me and run from everything and she said she wishes she can.

    I left to thailand , first 4 days were nice. Then I suddenly started to imagine her in every nice place I visit . Last 2 days were horrible, I even started having dreams of her making love to the other guy and that killed me big time.

    So I went back decided to talk to her for the last time. So I went to her work and she told me not to come inside. She called from her office asking why did I come to see her. I told her that i still lover her and that she should fight for our love and I would do anything to be together, she said there is no hope, and that she started to get annoyed from my visits and that if I didn’t stop she will call her parents and tell them. I even felt worse that day, took another 1 week off work and went to my home country. I was s down even my family were concerned, I had dreams every day checked my mobile for any msgs. but nothingg !!

    Well to cut it short It has been 49 days since I last time saw her, and i got to know that she got married 2 weeks ago and strange enough 1 day before her wedding she was logging in my FB acoount as she knows the password ( she did that all the time which killed me knowing that she still has feeling for me) . I still have bad dreams of her making out with the other man on a daily basis.

    And I think of her whenever I see any couple or any love related pictures.

    Note: the other guy is totally not her type but he is financially good as her parents tell her. Im a good looking guy as many say with a decent job as well.

    Can she really love me and take these decisions and spend her life with another guy eventhough she says that she loves me !!?

    I thought we had many things in common and we used to say that eventhough we fight a lot but our love is stronger than all. I mean I don’t deserve to be treated like that I get angry sometimes but 1 text from her would solve it all.

    I feel I lost the loveof my life and can’t thing about getting soon with a girl other than her. Sorry for the long story but it was even tougher though.

    • Reply

      Still Mr. U

      2 weeks ago

      Mike,

      I will be very short! This girl is brainwashed and she can’t get any decision without asking parents.
      I know, that it hurts when you invested so much, but ask yourself, how do you see yourself together with her and her parents?

      Take your time and stick to NC forever, there is no other way, how you can move on.

      Good luck.

  • Reply

    Amos cheryot

    4 weeks ago

    oooh thanks Mark for such an awesome advice.i’ve seen my spirit being uplifted to the next level.THANKS

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