It’s hard to know when to break up with someone. It’s hard to know whether your relationship is in a rough patch, or if it’s a flaming bag of dog shit. It’s hard to know when to walk away and to feel confident in that decision.

But fear not, I’m here to break it all down for you and help you make a decision that’s best for you in the long run. That will give you all the answers. That will solve all of your dating problems.

OK, that’s a lie. But there are some principles that can help you figure out what is right for you. So let’s do this.